My daughter's Dad 'hates being a parent'

[ThirdTimeIucky]

We are separated. But this isn't first time he has told me this. I believe he is suffering from depression.

Don't get me wrong. My daughter is 3 and can be super challenging. But I don't think I would ever say I hate it, despite there bing days I just want to cry with exhaustion and frustration.

He told me the other day that he can barely think of a couple of occasions he has actually enjoyed being a parent. He made it clear from soon after she was born, he didn't want any more. Part of the reason we ended the relationship was due to the nosedive his behaviour took in the couple of years after she was born (and during my pregnancy).

I believe he truly loves her, but struggles with the impact having a child has on his life. We have a 4 night 3 night split. So I have her slightly more than him, but he was very adamant he didn't want to be just a 'weekend Dad'. However I honestly think he is struggling to cope.

What can I do if anything? How can I mitigate any damage this will have on my daughter?

Well I guess if I was in your shoes the first thing I would do is see if his moods around parenting were manifesting towards his daughter and would she be able to sense this. I would hate to think I was sending my DD somewhere she felt she wasn't wanted.

I would probably tone back the contact by one or two days a week if allowed by job etc.

Not sure what else you can do really that's within your power to do so.

Sorry. I know it's tough but I think many parents feel this way.
Is he seeking help for the depression?

Honestly if he apparently hates it so much that attitude is eventually going to be obvious to your daughter, she's not stupid and she will know.

If he's finding it all that unbearable and taking no responsibility such as talking to a GP or looking at getting counselling then I would be seriously looking at reducing how much he has her. Contact should be for her benefit and I couldn't knowingly send her somewhere she was so unwanted.

Tell him you feel the same, and ask if he prefers child going into care.
You can't just decide you don't want to be a parent, he should have worn a condom, then.