Toddler pulling other children's hair!

[angstriddenhipster]

I have a very lovely 2.5 year old little girl. She goes to nursery 3 days a week and is at home with her dad the other 2 days. I work at home 9-5 Mon-Fri but otherwise also spend lots of time with her. She is generally a very happy, playful and nice little girl, and has a big vocabulary and can express herself well for her age.

Unfortunately, in the last few weeks she has developed a problem with occasionally randomly yanking other children's hair in the playground. She can do this quite hard!

She loves playing with other children but given her age doesn't really know how to start doing so (and often other little kids are just not interested) and the hair pulling often comes when she wants to play with a child but they don't want to. Other times it has happened when a child has knocked her. It doesn't happen at nursery (we have asked) but only when me or my DH are looking after her.

We always remove her from the situation, have a short 'time out' then talk to her about why it is wrong and have her apologise to the child. She does seem to understand and be sorry but then she does it again. We have tried to talk about other strategies of dealing with the situation (eg saying hello or offering a daisy as a way of starting a conversation, understanding that sometimes children don't want to play, using words if she is frustrated). It does seem to happen when she has a feeling she can't express.

I think it's worse when I am close to her (maybe she feels under pressure because I am hovering over her play) but now I feel I have to monitor her closely to try to intervene in case any hair pulling happens. It happens once or twice a week. She is generally not aggressive or mean at all, and she loves to help at home and is affectionate and more or less gentle with me, DH and the cat.

Has anyone else experienced similar with toddler aggression? Any strategies to overcome this?

You just have to say no, make her apologise after and be consistent with it. It will pass.

I'm probably quite strict when it comes to things like this so I'd be giving clear instructions before going to play about the good playing you want to see, a warning if it happens once (with an apology to the child) and straight home if it happens again. If talking through it isn't working, maybe something more direct would.

Thanks both. I talk to her before playing about being gentle, using words etc. I also make clear when telling her off we will be leaving if it happens again but haven't had to follow through on this for a while ie it now doesn't happen twice in one play session, I guess as she takes the threat to leave on board, and she also seems genuinely sorry. But then it will happen again on another day...

@angstriddenhipster
I would warn her before you left to go that if it happens she will be brought straight home, don't warn her if she does it again if she does it once take her home hopefully she will learn that it's not acceptable the first time and will grow out of it.

Talk to her about gentle hands and that we only use gentle hands.
Do this before you go anywhere, if she does it, bend down to her level and say a firm no. Take her hand and stroke it saying we only use gentle hands, if it happens again we're leaving.
If she does it again, leave.
If you type in gentle hands books in google there's quite a few books that may help.
But normally it is a phase, frustrating I know but just have to be firm.

I'd move to warning her beforehand if she does it once she goes home. No second chances or warnings.

Hopefully it will soon pass. Most of these things do