Sleep deprivation with infant dyschezia

[Sunnylands27]

FTM with DD 3+4wks. She’s been grunting / straining since 1wk every time she was put down in the crib or just laid on her back after a feed (EBF). At first she would settle after 10-15mins she of this but for the last week it’s been waking her up to the point that now she will not sleep at all on her own and will only sleep on my arms. It’s much worse at night.
We saw HV for first time yesterday and they suggested it was probably dyschezia since she poos loads and they are soft.
She’s also on infacol as she had a growth spurt a few days ago and was really distraught between cluster feeding as wasn’t burping and this did seem to help the burps. I also keep her upright for 30mins after a feed to help burp her.
Online all I can find about dyschezia is that it will pass on its own eventually but some posts and mums suggest their LO didn’t grow out of it until 5mnth old!… the thought of this petrified me.
I was immediately sleep deprived after birth with a really long traumatic labour, in hosp for 1wk as LO had jaundice from forceps and she cluster fed for hrs and hrs at a time from the moment she arrived. Then we had the growth spurt so had no sleep again and now she will only sleep in my arms otherwise wakes herself up screaming in discomfort and will only settle with a feed which starts the cycle again..
I know all the advice for SIDS suggests never to fall asleep with LO in your arms but I make sure I’m safe in that I’m centred in middle of bed no duvet or pillows etc. I’m just resorting to letting her fall back asleep in my arms but I’ve fallen asleep too on occasion which worries me with SIDs risk though it’s literally the only way I can get any sleep.
Currently surviving on 2hrs sleep per day using above method but I’m type 1 diabetic and this sleep deprivation is majorly affecting my management of that and has led to me having horrendous constipation as I can’t ever go to the toilet as I have her in my arms.
So far I’ve tried; infacol, bicycle legs, warm bath but am seriously at my breaking point and now HV suggests I may have PND though I really think it’s just the lack of sleep.
For note; OH sleeps in other room as he is a farmer working with machinery etc & wakes at 4am for work each day so any sleep deprivation for him is potentially v dangerous. He is a fantastic dad but I’ve asked that he sleeps in the other room as I worry about the dangers of him at work without proper sleep.

OP CONTINUED…
I’m so sleep deprived I forgot to add what I need..
Please could I ask for any advice on dyschezia, any words of hope and any thoughts on the sleep deprivation/ sleeping with LO in arms.

Is baby breast or bottle fed? I'm wondering if it's an intolerance.

I don't know what that is but I also had a baby who thought sleep was for the week so I sympathise. Have you tried swaddling? Wrapping your baby tightly in a blanket which you've had wrapped around you so it smells of you. I found that helped.
Are you a single mum? If not, can your baby's dad take her out in the process and push her around for a bit so you can get some rest?

You really need to look after your health. Is your HV aware of your diabetes?

Sorry didn't read the end of your OP. Yes your husband obviously needs his sleep but he could look after the baby for a few hours early evening.

Does a dummy soothe her?

Have you tried swaddling? Or a dummy? Have you got a bouncy chair she could lie in during the day so you don't have to hold her all the time? Any family or friends who could help out so you could your head down for a few hours?

The big thing I learnt from having two is that sometimes they just have to cry because you physically cannot be in two places at once - you need to look after you, so if she has to lie on a mat on the bathroom floor and have a cry while you go to the loo then that's what needs to happen. She's safe and you can chat/sing to her. Same with eating and getting a drink.

My little boy was very unsettled till about 12 weeks. Keep going, it will get better. Can you use a sling during the day so you can do things?

I am not a medical professional but I thought dyschesia was normal for that age group and part of development, I wouldn't worry about it! You do however need your rest, read the information on the lullaby trust! It's a reliable source of information. Sometimes I bed shared, sometimes I didn't. But I bf and always napped alongside the afternoon feed. I found I didn't go into the deep sleep that I would at night, but like a power nap it recharged me completely!

I also didn't have a sling, tried a few but I didn't find them comfortable, but there are so many options these days I would definitely look at getting a carrier.

Finally have you heard of the fourth trimester? For me it connected dots when I was too tired to think!

Congratulations on your baby, it definitely gets easier but you are in the midst of a baby storm. What can your partner do to help?

Your partner needs to step up here - it’s not good enough that he sleeps in a different room leaving you to do all the work. Your job, looking after a new born, is as important as his.
Your baby is getting used to sleeping in your arms so will learn that it’s the only way to sleep. Babies do grunt a lot when they’re very little, their digestive system takes a while to settle down. I’m assuming you have a bedside cot whereby you can be in contact with your baby without actually having to pick them up when you’re also in bed? Like this www.smythstoys.com/uk/en-gb/baby/baby-travel-essentials/babylo-cozi-sleeper-slate-grey/p/163555
If not, get one ASAP. They are a godsend. Your baby won’t come to any harm if they cry for a while - as my mum used to say, it’s good for their lungs! And listen to your HV. If she thinks it may be PND, speak to your GP.

I haven't heard of dyzchezia but what you describe is exactly what I have experienced with my DS, now 10 weeks. He had reflux and struggled badly with wind in the first month. I started co-sleeping and feeding him lying down on my side but then still had the issue that when he finished feeding and rolled on to his back, he would wake really upset and the cycle would start again. Eventually I found that keeping him on his side, tummy to tummy with me, gently rubbing his back would keep him asleep. I can't advise you to do this as safe sleep guidelines all say baby needs to be on their back, however I got to the point where I felt so unsafe with baby in any other way as could not keep my eyes open and would scare myself nodding off holding him. I figure I am keeping him in exactly the same position he would be if still feeding and the key thing being that because we are snuggled right together there is no way for him to roll forward onto his face accidentally. We've been sleeping like this now for 3 weeks and I am so much better rested. I had the same issues with my DD (now 3) at this age and struggled so so much, I really wish I had known to try this with her as the sleep deprivation and fear of falling asleep accidentally took such a toll on my mental health first time round. Wishing you best of luck you can get some rest soon.

Oh, and in terms of going to the loo, definitely try putting your DD in a sling. Still a bit awkward going to the loo initially but you'll get used to it.

For some cosleeping while breastfeeding and lying down works well and can allow you to sleep and feed at the same time?

But I also agree with the others get your partner to help. For example he could hold the baby while you sleep and just wake you up for feeds - I know farmers don't really take days off but I think he needs to or someone else even during the day to rest.

Its not surprising you feel down if you are getting that little amount of sleep so I wouldn't assume pnd.

Hi OP, I've had two babies with CMPA (cow's milk protein allergy) and we had very similar issues to what you describe. I breastfed both and they reacted to the cow's milk protein in my milk.
The main symptoms were reflux or silent reflux (reflux includes vomiting, silent reflux means no vomiting) and very frequent liquid poos which caused awful nappy rash that wouldn't clear up with any of the creams we tried. In the early days I did wonder if baby was constipated as she did a lot of grunting and struggling to pass wind and stools. The reflux was the hardest thing to deal with as they are uncomfortable lying down and prefer being held upright, which makes sleep very difficult, as you are experiencing. If they're distressed because of reflux pain they will often arch their back and throw their head back. Feeding for comfort (as swallowing helps the acid go back down). Sometimes the breath will smell acidic.

If you think it could be CMPA, you need to do a dairy-free trial to see if symptoms improve. Give it 6 weeks. Don't replace dairy products with soya as sometimes that can be an issue too.

There is helpful information about CMPA on these links:
www.allergyuk.org/information-and-advice/conditions-and-symptoms/469-cows-milk-allergy
dilanandme.com/dairyfree/

The sleep deprivation is brutal. Do what you can to survive it. Prioritise sleep over everything. Consider safe co-sleeping if baby will tolerate lying down in your bed, that way if you fall asleep it's much safer than falling asleep holding the baby. Also if you raise one end of the crib/cot, or use a wedge under the mattress (we have a wedgehog) that can help. When your DH is home from work, just hand him the baby and go to bed - if baby needs a feed, he can bring baby to you in bed and then take baby when she's finished.
Also, do you have any nearby family who might be able to come over at any point to help? They could take baby while you nap/sleep?

One more thing. I found a bouncer chair was an absolute godsend in the first few months; both mine were happier in the bouncer than lying flat. I had a BabyBjorn one but I think any bouncer would do the job! You can put baby in the bouncer while you go to the toilet or have a shower. If she cries a bit, so be it. You absolutely must go to the toilet even if she is crying!

A sling/carrier can also be helpful for things like making yourself a drink/snack and being able to eat/drink. Also make sure you sit down and relax as much as you can, it might be hard not to fall asleep when wearing/holding the baby but the rest does help even if you're not sleeping.