Four years random behaviour

[iamtheoneandonlyyy]

My daughter is four. She's always been lively, sweet, kind, furious and feisty. She's doing really well at nursery and everything is on track.
I'm having a problem that maybe a couple of times a week usually a bit after dinner but not always she has an attack of nasty rage. She will become destructive, lash out (usually only at me), throw things say horrible things and do things she knows she shouldn't. She seems to get a lot of pleasure out of it, she's grinning throughout and watching me. Tonight I've been head butted, spat at and slapped.
She has two siblings and is the middle child. She gets plenty of positive attention, eats well and I have restricted sweets etc. No fizzy drinks, nothing I can think of that causes this. It's really horrible when it happens. I have tried a few ways of handling it but nothings worked. Tried firmness, positive reinforcement of good behaviour, ignoring, reward charts, conversation, the list goes on. Help 😭

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Just a handhold and giving this a bump for you OP. My DD is like this sometimes and it’s very hard.

Thank you
After I originally posted this my two year old began playing up at bedtime I ended up sobbing so obviously I didn't handle it ideally because I don't like to end up bawling!

How long has it been going on for? Are you able to talk to her after the incident/s about it?

Hard to say I think it's been always she's had a temper and tantrums but as she's getting older they've faded away a lot and this new behaviour has arrived.
We do talk about it afterwards but I know she's paying lip service to our chats.
She's a bright kiddo

Is she over tired? My four year old is horrible when he reaches a certain point of exhaustion.

I came on to say the same as the poster above. My three year old is very similar to the description you gave of your dd, OP. I have noticed that her most challenging behaviour occurs when she is extremely tired or not feeling well. So it's no surprise to me that your dd acts out after dinner, as she's probably getting very tired at that time of the day. Probably this will just be a phase. Is there somewhere she can go for some quiet time when she acts like this? Both for a rest, but also so she realises that she'll be separated from company for a short while when she is acting like this? Kind of like a very natural consequence.

For reassurance though, my mum tells me that I used to hit her on the way home from school, shortly after I started, at age 4. I didn't cope with the tiredness apparently. This was very unusual for me, as I was actually a very easy, well behaved child usually, apparently!

Funnily enough since I posted this she's been very emotional and started saying she's tired a lot. She has nursery and visits to her dad, they throw her a bit. Maybe I've been overthinking and she's just knackered. I'm an arse when I'm knackered, no reason she shouldn't be.
Thanks for the input I'll have a think on arranging for a calmer evening for everyone