Not coping. Bad day or bad life?

[CardboardCam]

I feel like an ingrate. Everyone else I know does this parenting thing so cool and calm, but I end up shouting at my toddler when we are alone and I cry and wish I could just be alone sometimes.

Some days it’s fine and I’m patient and we enjoy ourselves, other days it grinds me down. I’m pregnant, I feel crap, I’m not sleeping and my body physically hurts. My toddler says mummy all day long and asks and asks things. She asks me to play with her and when I try she says no I’m doing it wrong and I do what she wants and she says no etc etc. I can’t stand up and have a drink or go to the toilet or do anything without her kicking off.

I arrange play dates but she needs me with her constantly so I can’t rest five minutes and chat to another adult.

I feel such a horrible person. She’ll be grown up before I know it and I’ll look back regretting so much. It’s such a struggle to get anything done in the house. I know housework isn’t the most important thing but I still have to put the washing on sometimes, and I have to make meals.

If I end up getting mad at the weekend DH starts with the whole “she’s only three” thing and I just start crying, then DD feels bad so I’m probably mentally scarring her by breaking down so often. She’s tries to comfort me and I can’t stop.

I’m so undeserving of what I have, and even now that DH has taken her to the park and I get some peace I’m sat here crying about it all and probably scarring my unborn child somehow.

It’s just so thankless and relentless sometimes isn’t it. I feel an emotional wreck and I really hope pregnancy is to blame, but truthfully I’m scared I won’t be able to cope with more pressure with two kids and just be completely unhappy.

Everyone else is so composed. People tell me they love being with their kids and can’t wait for summer holidays. I dread the days it’s just me and DD.

I can’t talk to anyone in my life. It’s too humiliating and if I mention rough times to family or friends around me the response is to laugh and say it’s all worth it and isn’t she great. Many days I’d agree wholeheartedly.

But today is hard.

Oh sending gentle hugs your way. It's really hard being pregnant with a toddler - mine are nearly 4 and 8 months.

I wouldn't be afraid to say "no" to your DD a bit more - if she kicks off, she kicks off, you can be there for a cuddle when she's calmed down. It's important for you to have a bit of time whether that's to make a cup of tea or to put a wash on or just to breathe! We'll have some play time or reading time and then I'll just pop out to do something else piss about on MN and then come back and carry on playing. You can work on extending your time away over the weeks. Encouraging my DC1 to be more independent has worked out well when you've got a new baby who naturally needs time for feeding and changing, though I still hear "muuuuuuuuum" about a million times a day. And don't get me started on not playing right - the other day I didn't get on the imaginary bus right and got told off!

I think you need to be a whole lot kinder to yourself. You are pregnant and you are looking after a toddler, of course you feel like sh*t and you feel like you can't cope. I think it sounds pretty normal to me!

Have a cry, make yourself a cup of (decaf) tea and a biscuit and have a sit down for a bit. It will get better love but it is absolutely exhausting being a stay at home mum. Try to look at it a different way, your little person shouts mum all day because you're the most important person in her world and that's a wonderful thing but it's still tough.

When it gets too much, I remind myself she's only little and it's my job to be patient and try to view all the pushing of boundaries, opinions and mummmmmmmmms and the whys as positive things. It shows they are doing what they are supposed to do, which is start to growing up and developing as little people.

Sending big hugs!
Im no expert as I'm a first time mum to a 6 month old but I can say even in my small experience I've had with my LO some days are hard and thats ok.
I've learnt from reading different people's experiences on mumsnet that your going to have hard days and good days...

Just an idea but have you considered putting your toddler into a nursery/childminders a few days a week if she doesn't go already?
Being 3 now would she recieve the free hours? It will take some of the pressure off you and also your LO can be with other children around her age and learn to play & interact with them X

I second PP - I have a 20mo and a 3mo and nursery keeps me sane. I am much more relaxed, much less prone to be grumpy at the toddler and in general. I can have a nice coffee with the little one in a sling, then do a bit of housework or a walk, then nap for the older one and in the afternoon we can go to a park or for a walk or even play at home and it makes my day structured, and in a rhythm.

You are a good parent. We all need a break.

Everyone else I know does this parenting thing so cool and calm

Totally get this OP, I feel the same. Everyone else seems so good at parenting whilst I’m permanently flustered and stressed!

I just posted similar to this. Just want you to know you're not alone.

Honestly you are doing great. I was talking to my partner that I hope the clingy phase my LO is going through passes soon coz right now is 90% of the time, mummy, mummy! And literally her climbing on me.
Also we get a lot of situations like
I want socks
Here you are socks
(she puts herself socks on)
Breakdown follows...
There's socks in my feet! Off, off!
Thanks God she is cute....
Also, being pregnant may be causing havoc with your hormones. Would you talk with your Gp/midwife about feeling a bit overwhelmed?

Toddlers are hard work and you’re pregnant and not sleeping well. That is a tough combination. She sounds like a regular toddler but lots of the things you mention are a strain when tired and it can be hard to be reasonable about what to expect from them when tired and stressed. I know I find that. I guess that you see the parents you feel are calm and in control when out? People tend not to lose their rag and get super irritable with their kids in public, so you never know how people are coping overall, you just see a snapshot. So don’t think everyone is doing you better than you. I have three kids, my youngest is 2, I probably look happy, calm and on it in the park but I am down to my last nerve by their bedtime. And I remember how tiring it was to be pregnant with a toddler in tow. It sounds like you need a little more time to yourself to rest if that is possible?

Thank you all so much. Your kind words mean a lot, and excellent points made that I’m going to think about a lot

I was scared about posting on here in case people were unkind but this has exceeded my expectations. I’m truly grateful 💐

Oh you aren't alone. It feels like everyone else is doing it all so calmly and competently but they aren't (sure some are but most aren't!)

I totally understand this feeling. My daughter just turned 3 and my son is 18 months and some days I just feel so overwhelmed, I never get any housework done, I don't get a moment to myself and the demands from them are constant. And I've felt like this since I was pregnant with the second one. There are times I enjoy it, and I take them out a lot and have a lot of play dates and I'm sure on the outside people probably think I've got my shit together but I don't! Even on the good days underneath it all I have a constant feeling of burnout, exhaustion and frustration.

Big hugs, try to be kinder to yourself, it's hard.

Toddlers are arseholes. Truefax.

I want socks
Here you are socks
(she puts herself socks on)
Breakdown follows...
There's socks in my feet! Off, off!

This is my life right now 🤣

I had 2 under 2 and it is hard... my playing has never been good enough for my toddler either. I did find it harder when the second baby had been born though, despite pregnancy and a toddler being tough, so maybe worth looking into childcare options now. Hope all goes well.