DOES IT GET BETTER?

[PlanetTeaTime]

First time mum

Five month old waking five times a night And struggling to get them to nap

Breastfeeding a lot

Money running out

Arguing with partner most days

Wondering, how do other people manage?

Am so lonely and unhappy

Since she was born people have said it gets easier but it seems to just get harder.

It's the middle of the day and I'm still in bed, I'll be back here in 7 hours. What's the point of me.

Oh OP! Sending you a massive hug. It really does get easier, 5 months may seem like forever but is still really early days. Sleep deprivation is really difficult to deal with, you have my sympathies. My eldest was very similar - rarely slept and had marathon breastfeeds of 4 hours +.

Sleeping whenever the baby sleeps (or at least resting) is a good idea. In the evenings, when the baby had a big feed, I used to prop myself up on pillows so I could sort of doze off while baby was feeding. I'd ask my husband to sit next to me to ensure my son didn't roll off me or anything!

Now restrictions are relaxing try to go to a baby or bf group. It's so cathartic being among people going through the same things.

Tensions run high when everyone is knackered/broke. Try having a chat with your partner when you feel calm and try and find some ways you can support each other.

It's hard to enjoy your baby when you feel like this but I'm sure he/she is an absolute beaut, congratulations xxx

Some things are easier to sort.

• are you going back to work soon?
• is your partner not helping out?

The baby growing older won’t sort out the financial and relationship issues. It might seem like they are baby related but in terms of relationships these are probably exacerbating existing issues.

Breastfeeding a lot is common. But your baby is/should be past the ‘establishing feeding’ stage. Around this mark I tried to stop using the boob as a solution to everything. I kept a feeding diary and gave at least two hours between feeds. And then piled them in between 5-10. I also tried to pat back to sleep between 10-2ish and then extended it to 10-3 and eventually 10-4 once weaning was established.
I breastfed two kids and there is a correlation between constant feeding at night and the bad sleep. Because the baby wakes up and expects it and you are understandably too tired to do anything about it so the boob is the easiest and quickest option.

I also created a routine for myself. Instead of the baby. So at X time I went for a daily walk with the baby. At X time I had lunch. And if the baby whined a bit so be it. At X time I started a wind down routine for the night and then all feeds after that to the morning would be in the dark/quiet.

DH would get up early. He would make breakfast for us, have a shower, make me a sandwich for lunch and do some housework (load and unload the dishwasher, do a load of laundry, put away laundry and make sure the downstairs was tidy). I would get up feed, and hand over to DH to change the baby and have some dad time. I used the time to shower, eat breakfast and so on. So by the time DH left we were clean, some jobs had been done and there was a sandwich in the fridge for me. So even if the day went to pot it didn’t matter.

It does get better. Go out, see what other kids are like aged 12 months, 18 months, 2 years. They're completely different beasts to a 5 month old and it's not that far away.

I agree with pp about what helps - routine, fresh air, little things you can enjoy even if it's a nice pair of socks or some shower gel.

With partners, it's hard. Don't make it a tiredness competition. You have to trust each other that you're both trying your hardest. Otherwise you'll have resentment.

Sleep training changed a lot for us but give months is a little bit young. We did it at 9mo for ds.

Also - other mums. If you can find someone to have tea with then it's a big help.

Wondering, how do other people manage?

Wine. And cake. Both helped me enormously.

It's really hard. For me the turning point was 10 months as that's when he started sleeping through