Single parents - how on earth do you do it all?!

[tiredmama2020]

Genuinely?! How?!

DH works abroad so I’m on my own for 4-6weeks at a time with DC (8months) and we don’t have any support locally. I feel like I don’t have enough hours in my day when I’m here on my own 😓

Between making bottles, washing and sterilising bottles, preparing decent meals, feeding, clearing up after each meal, the constant laundry, getting baby down for naps, making sure we get out for some fresh air, keeping on top of housework, feeding and washing myself, bath time and playtime with baby, I feel like I’m in a constant battle to keep up with it all 🙈 plus I’m doing all these things while trying to entertain a baby!
Baby is starting to go down in the cot for some naps now (reluctantly and not always - it’s a huge battle) but until about 3 weeks ago DC would only nap on me or in a moving pram. So even trying to get things done during nap time was out!

Am I just really unorganised and other people find this easy?! Or do other people feel the same way?! 🙈

i think you doing very well

i think they dont think how hard it is, they just get on with it.

We do it all because we have to.
Mind you my house is a tip because I can't do it all.

Yeah just get on with it but I do remember the baby years (bottles, feeding, washing, etc etc) being quite monotonous.

Being a mum is hard no matter what the circumstances!!

I’m grateful I don’t have my ex tbh so the doing it alone is quite welcome here as at least I can enjoy myself

We don't do it all we do what needs to be done and other things fall by the wayside.
Looking pretty, sleep, having an immaculate home and impressive dinners, having a career, social life, not feeling like a failure are all things that you just accept for a time.
But mainly we do it with a great big side order of thinking "I'm really shit at this" on repeat until we sleep.

You've got enough to worry about, don't worry about not being an imaginary woman who excels at everything. It's unrealistic

No choice. It is truly very difficult. Years of single parenting has had massive impact on my physical and mental health. My house is unkempt and broken down.

After maternity leave, we have to do paid work as well as care for the DCs. No DP abroad earning income /on the phone for support.

@lilmishap

We don't do it all we do what needs to be done and other things fall by the wayside. Looking pretty, sleep, having an immaculate home and impressive dinners, having a career, social life, not feeling like a failure are all things that you just accept for a time. But mainly we do it with a great big side order of thinking "I'm really shit at this" on repeat until we sleep.

You've got enough to worry about, don't worry about not being an imaginary woman who excels at everything. It's unrealistic

This is true. We don’t do it all. Just what needs to be done - while we try to given our DCs a loving childhood

Pretty much get on it with it as there is no other choice.
Clean when baby is asleep, try and find short cuts to get things done quicker.
Washing up can be a game for baby- just watching you do it is entertaining and long as you’re chatting to them. 😂 my baby would only nap for 20 mins due to reflux so it was a mad dash to shower and get dressed some days.

Don’t try and be superwoman, chores can wait 🙂

Single parent top tips

Plan treats for yourself

I invested in a bread machine and a slow cooker. I put them both on timer before going to bed and then got up to fresh bread and soup for breakfast.

I also do a quick whip round once baby was asleep in the pm to make the morning easier.
Even 5 mins makes such a difference to how morning feels which sets the tone

Always but yourself a birthday present you feel excited about

Invest in decent sex toys

.....

Bottom line

Babies take up a whole person most of the time.
If you manage other stuff too think yourself a hero and stop staring at all the stuff you haven’t done

I do it all alone with 4 children and no ex at all, he’s fully absent and has no involvement, hasn’t seen the kids for a few years now and pays no maintenance. I do it because I have no other choice. Doesn’t mean it isn’t seriously hard but what’s the alternative. And I’m not one of those lone parents that get a lot of help from family, haven’t had a night just by myself in 5 years

We just get on with it. Been on my own with the dds for 11 yrs, they are adults now.

Your doing great! And it’s tough, you always feel like there isn’t enough hours in the day. I’m a single mum to an 8mo, with no help from dad.

Things I’ve found that have helped.
Shower and get ready first thing in a morning after a bottle, and before breakfast. This is when DD is most content to self play.

Bottles - have enough to get through the day. Sterilise them once DD has gone to bed, ready for the next day.

Spend a hour in the evening tidying up, washing up, pack bags for next day if we are going out, get outfits ready for next day, bottles, think of meals for next day.

Laundry do this on two set days a week. Try and plan on a nice day (at this time of year) wo you can get washed and dry in a day. Overnight load; with other load straight on a morning.

Slow cooker for evening meal. And life changer has been a robot hoover and mop 😂 means I can hoover whilst sort out DD.

Then when DD naps somedays I will just quickly clean / dust a room at a time.

But you can’t do it all. And if it doesn’t get done, who cares. Providing you and baby are happy. I try and get out once a day, but my “Social life” is pretty much non existent, I also miss Watching TV.

Can you afford childcare once a week? DD goes to a childminder twice a week but I WFH, but when I increase my hours in September, I’m going to retain half a day of free time, just to get stuff done or enjoy some me time.

Whatever gets you through the day. A heady mix of caffeine, adrenaline, cortisol and nicotine.

Constant stress about whether you're doing it right, whether the pennies will stretch and whether you're just a fucking loser fucking everything up.

And before you know it - another year has passed and everyone seems relatively happy and still alive.

You muddle through it, it will get better as baby gets older.

I'm a forces wife and dh is away a lot. We have 5 children, another due in Aug and a dog. I'm super organised and manage with no support. It's really tough if I'm ill, I had a bad uti recently but still managed tho the poor dog had to go without walks for a week as it was too painful for me and I couldn't lift in our gym. This week back on track though and felt so much better getting back to walkies and gym sessions, the gym is my stress relief (my me time). Our house is never spotless and there's always a job (or 10) that still need doing but I wouldn't change it.

@FriendlyBiscuit

No choice. It is truly very difficult. Years of single parenting has had massive impact on my physical and mental health. My house is unkempt and broken down.

After maternity leave, we have to do paid work as well as care for the DCs. No DP abroad earning income /on the phone for support.

@FriendlyBiscuit After maternity leave I also have to do paid work as well as care for the DC - that doesn’t change just because I’m not a single parent 🤷🏻‍♀️ And yes my DH is abroad earning an income but due to his schedule and phone service etc we get 10/15 mins on FaceTime with him each evening right before DC goes to sleep.

@lilmishap

We don't do it all we do what needs to be done and other things fall by the wayside. Looking pretty, sleep, having an immaculate home and impressive dinners, having a career, social life, not feeling like a failure are all things that you just accept for a time. But mainly we do it with a great big side order of thinking "I'm really shit at this" on repeat until we sleep.

You've got enough to worry about, don't worry about not being an imaginary woman who excels at everything. It's unrealistic

@lilmishap Definitely not worried about any of those things 🙈 I’m just about managing to get the basics done! I’m not bothered about not excelling at everything, I just want to be able to keep it together and my days not to always feel manic 😬 I’m sure I’ll eventually get the hang of it!

@Danikm151

Pretty much get on it with it as there is no other choice. Clean when baby is asleep, try and find short cuts to get things done quicker. Washing up can be a game for baby- just watching you do it is entertaining and long as you’re chatting to them. 😂 my baby would only nap for 20 mins due to reflux so it was a mad dash to shower and get dressed some days.

Don’t try and be superwoman, chores can wait 🙂

@Danikm151 my baby has bad reflux too - that’s why all naps started being on me as that resulted in much better sleep. But now we’re stuck in that cycle still at 8months 😬

@HerrenaHarridan

Single parent top tips

Plan treats for yourself

I invested in a bread machine and a slow cooker. I put them both on timer before going to bed and then got up to fresh bread and soup for breakfast.

I also do a quick whip round once baby was asleep in the pm to make the morning easier.
Even 5 mins makes such a difference to how morning feels which sets the tone

Always but yourself a birthday present you feel excited about

Invest in decent sex toys

.....

Bottom line

Babies take up a whole person most of the time.
If you manage other stuff too think yourself a hero and stop staring at all the stuff you haven’t done

@HerrenaHarridan Yeah you’re right! It’s just hard when it’s all starting you in the face 🙈 I hate

Organisation is key. I have a 6yo and a 6 month old, have single parented for a year now.

Look into paid childcare if you can afford it. Even a session a week would give you a breather if you have no support nearby.

Online shopping. Meal planning. Sorting bags/clothes the night before. I also make sure all bottles are sterilised before bed and tidy up from dinner, I hate getting up to a dirty kitchen.

Jumperoo/other baby jail plus a rotation of interesting toys. I put baby in bouncer in bathroom to get a shower and we sing.

Put in high chair with snacks and toys when cleaning/cooking/laundry.

We manage because we have to. I understand your situation is difficult, but genuinely parenting alone with no partner to support even via phonecall is emotionally draining. We make all the decisions all of the time.

@DressingGown87

Your doing great! And it’s tough, you always feel like there isn’t enough hours in the day. I’m a single mum to an 8mo, with no help from dad.

Things I’ve found that have helped.
Shower and get ready first thing in a morning after a bottle, and before breakfast. This is when DD is most content to self play.

Bottles - have enough to get through the day. Sterilise them once DD has gone to bed, ready for the next day.

Spend a hour in the evening tidying up, washing up, pack bags for next day if we are going out, get outfits ready for next day, bottles, think of meals for next day.

Laundry do this on two set days a week. Try and plan on a nice day (at this time of year) wo you can get washed and dry in a day. Overnight load; with other load straight on a morning.

Slow cooker for evening meal. And life changer has been a robot hoover and mop 😂 means I can hoover whilst sort out DD.

Then when DD naps somedays I will just quickly clean / dust a room at a time.

But you can’t do it all. And if it doesn’t get done, who cares. Providing you and baby are happy. I try and get out once a day, but my “Social life” is pretty much non existent, I also miss Watching TV.

Can you afford childcare once a week? DD goes to a childminder twice a week but I WFH, but when I increase my hours in September, I’m going to retain half a day of free time, just to get stuff done or enjoy some me time.

@DressingGown87 There definitely no social life or tv watching here either 🤣🙈 Nice to hear from someone with a baby the same age too! Is your little one moving around lots? I feel like I need eyes in the back of my head 🙈🤣

I really don’t want him going to childcare before I go back to work (just personal choice 😊). I’ll start him a few weeks before I go back to give us both a chance to settle into it. I’ve been lucky to be able to take just over a year off so I’m not due back to work for a little while yet. But will be going back part time. Half a day of free time is a good idea to get stuff done!

Well, I have zero social life, I don’t look as put together as I’d like to and I do the bare minimum required around the house.

@Chelyanne

You muddle through it, it will get better as baby gets older.

I'm a forces wife and dh is away a lot. We have 5 children, another due in Aug and a dog. I'm super organised and manage with no support. It's really tough if I'm ill, I had a bad uti recently but still managed tho the poor dog had to go without walks for a week as it was too painful for me and I couldn't lift in our gym. This week back on track though and felt so much better getting back to walkies and gym sessions, the gym is my stress relief (my me time). Our house is never spotless and there's always a job (or 10) that still need doing but I wouldn't change it.

@Chelyanne You’re an absolute superwoman managing with 5 in my opinion!! And managing the gym on top of that 😳 wow!! I’m sure I’ll settle into a routine soon! Everytime he’s home currently it’s great then he goes back to work and it all goes to pot 🙈🤣