Breastfeeding - talk me off the ledge

[RLI1105]

I mean does it actually get any easier or is this a myth?! I am so tired.

I have an 18 month old and 5 week old twins. My eldest had a bad tongue tie and a condition where he couldn't turn his head to one side (all resolved now) so despite trying, breastfeeding was a no go. I felt very guilty but he did great on formula.
When I found out I was having twins I had zero expectations. Much to my surprise twin 1, my other son, just took to it. He has been exclusively breastfed from birth and is putting on weight great.
My daughter had to spend time in the NiCU and cannot latch well at all so for a month I expressed for her, now I'm having to supplement with formula because I can't keep up with her appetite! Again doing great, putting on lots of weight.

The time and effort it is taking to feed my son and pump is just starting to take its toll. He wants to feed all the time which means my toddler is watching a horrible amount of television. My daughter who is bottle fed I feel is chronically neglected. My husband has to feed/see to her most of the time. Sometimes it'll be 11am and I won't have even held her which breaks my heart.
I have huge boobs (K cup currently) and they are so uncomfortable. I'm having to on and off take painkillers for back pain although I've worked hard on feeding positions and this is a bit better. I'm on treatment for ductal thrush (THE PAIN) and seem to be prone to clogs which I think is due to the size of my breasts.
Yesterday we had no food and my mother in law came round to watch the children while I went to the supermarket quickly (I was actually quite excited about this - alone time!) I was just getting dressed when I realised I had another clot. Cue the next 2 hours of hot water, massages, feeding and pumping. I didn't get to leave the house. Last night again I was about to go to sleep and noticed another one which I had to stay up and dislodge.

I just feel like all I am is a pair of boobs. You read all this "it gets easier" but some days I feel it never will. Between cluster feeding and pumping I'm lucky to get a drink. Most the time I just wish my son had a bad latch and couldn't do it! I know I will feel bad for stopping as I did with my eldest but at the same time I can admit that first time around (pre twins)every aspect of motherhood improved for me when I stopped breastfeeding. It's the balance of knowing this would probably be the case again versus the guilt of stopping just because I couldn't cope and taking the nourishment from my babies.

Has anyone breastfed at least one twin? Does it get easier? Should I just stop moaning?! Any advice appreciated

It will definitely get easier.

Whether it will get easier enough, quickly enough is another question.

Could you mix feed your son to take a bit of the pressure off and give you a chance to also feed your daughter?

That sounds rough. You
need to rope in any help possible as you are basically doing 3 full time jobs right now! Sounds like you are doing brilliantly at it though to be fair! I don’t have twins but for me I remember distinctly that we turned a huge corner with breastfeeding at 3 months.

Bloody hell, you absolutely heroic woman.

I haven’t fed twins, but it did get easier for me by about 8 weeks. My supply regulated and his latch improved so he was a much more efficient feeder.

If the thought of holding on another three weeks is (understandably) making you miserable, pat yourself on the back for getting this far and switch to formula, which won’t do your babies one iota of harm

Jesus. That's giving me trauma flash backs and I only had one kid at a time! But the clogs, the pain of thrush, the pumping in the middle of the night when all I wanted to do was sleep and I knew baby would be up again soon... awful. Breastfeeding and pumping is brutal and I wouldn't do it again. It will get easier, but as a pp said, how easy and how quickly is the question. I personally would at least switch to mix feeding your son. See how you go on that and if it helps, and if not, stop bfing altogether. They both got breastmilk for the early stages, that's brilliant, but it's not the only important thing.

You are bloody brilliant to get this far! Pumping and bf - Christ. Could you try putting your little girl to the boob now that she’s a bit bigger and stronger - my mum did this with me (twin birth, in NICU for 3 weeks being tube fed, then successfully introduced to the boob at about 4 weeks old). If she takes to it you won’t have to do all the faff of pumping. But don’t worry if she doesn’t or you’d rather just stop - you’ve worked so hard to get this far!

@RLI1105

Hey, I hope you're ok. I really feel for you and can't imagine with twins how hard it must be!!

My boy is 15 and a half weeks now and I exclusively breastfeed him but it was really difficult with all the cluster feeding until he was about 9-10 weeks. The last five weeks have been easy for me and he's always latched well (apart from the first week but he was still learning too).

I know how much you obv want to be able to give your baby breast because of all the benefits but you have an 18 month old ( who was formula fed and is absolutely fine ) and you have to think of your own mental health. You've been doing it for a good number of weeks already I think I'd be in two minds to bottle feed both so you can actually enjoy this time.

I know what you mean I'm a H size cup and for the first couple months all I felt like was just boobs walking around leaking milk and always feeding!! It does get easier but like someone else said I think it will still be a while.

Don't feel guilty you are trying your best and have done so very well already, I'm sure that if I was to have twins I don't think I'd be able to cope with breastfeeding even though I'd want to but it was hard with one baby let alone the thought of two!!

You're an amazing mummy no doubt so remember that and do what's good for you, don't pressurise yourself too much!

Sending hugs xxxxxx

Thanks so much for writing back everyone, it's such a comfort and you've all pepped me up!

I think the comment of "it'll get easier but it may not get easier quickly enough" hits the nail on the head!
I think giving my son a couple of bottles a day would be a good plan. Madly I probably will still continue to pump when I can (currently attempting 4 times a day but realistically it's been 3 lately) just so my daughter gets some breastmilk still.

I think all I can do is take it a day at a time and hope in time it gets better. I have a wonderful support system and I know no one would judge me for stopping apart from me - as a mum you're always hardest on yourself but that's true for all aspects of parenting!

Thanks again, I really appreciate it!

P.s. just back from the supermarket so only a day late! 😂

I won't add to others' comments about the feeding aspect. But - as a twin mum - I've a couple of suggestions about potential sources of help.

Homestart is a brilliant charity through which vetted volunteers are matched with families that need a bit of support. It had never occurred to me that I would need the services or a charity but when it was proving difficult, in those crazy early days, even to find time to make and eat a sandwich, then I loved the couple of hours a week when my volunteer came over. And I didn't have a toddler to contend with, which must complicate things hugely.

I also contacted a local college that ran childcare courses. They had students needing work experience and one of them, who was particularly keen to work with v young children, did a placement with us. I wasn't allowed to leave her alone with the children at all (even though she knew more about babies than I did!) but it was wonderful having another pair of hands.

I guess Covid will complicate both options but they might be worth exploring, if you can possibly get a second.

Best of luck.

Are you in the fb group 'breastfeeding twins and triplets'? It's a fantastic group with a lot of specialist twin feeding support and experience. Good luck, bfing twins is no joke, I really struggled with mine after having successfully fed my Singleton for 3.5 years.

You're doing great! Remember never stop bf on a bad day. Great advice i read on here. Day at a time sounds good.

You sound like you're doing an amazing job. 3 under 2 must be incredibly tough. I too suffer from repeated clogs so I sympathise. This might not have anything to do with breast size, some people are just prone to them (annoyingly!). Usually caused by shallow latch, ill-fitting bra etc. See if there is anything causing it to flare? If you can afford it, get in touch with an IBCLC breastfeeding/lactation consultant. They can check latch for positioning and help get your other little one going again to save you pumping

Lecithin helped with my clogging when I was feeding DD. I went from clogs on a daily basis to 0.

Wow you’ve done so well - 3 under 2 is going to be tremendously hard under any circumstances. BF is hard work But it does get quicker and easier and probably will quite soon.

Have you considered trying nipple shields for your daughter - one of mine just couldn’t latch at all but the Medela nipple shields looked like a bottle top and after 2 weeks of not directly BF suddenly started and fed that way from that on, unless we wanted to give a bottle. Might just be worth a go as would be quicker than pumping and feeding her separately.

Hi OP
Sounds like you're doing a fab job. I found breastfeeding my first got easier at 6 weeks. A suggestion rather than pumping is to use breast shells (avent do them) on the other boob to catch the let downs. I used to get a decent amount in them. If you do it for 3 feeds you might get a bottles worth and save some time

Hi everyone,

Sorry it's taken so long to write back! Having a couple of bad days with it all. The thrush has returned so we're all back on treatment for that. I keep getting a recurrent clog in my left breast as well. I don't know if there is a smaller clog somewhere partially blocking a duct but my son can barely get any milk out. My back is killing me from leaning over and trying all these different positions. Very frustrating!
I have only managed to pump once today as well. As they were a bit early the twins were initially pretty sleepy which was good for getting things done but they are both well and truly awake now and fighting for attention!

"Don't quit on a bad day" is how I feel but I'm just begging for a good one!

Thanks for the suggestions! I'm going to have a look at Facebook groups to get some advice on trying to help my daughter feed. I'm seeing my health visitor on Tuesday as well and I'll ask about introducing formula and what that would mean for pumping etc. I've held off till now. I feel like as soon as I give him a bottle that will just be me!

IF you decide to carry on pumping, are you using an Elvie pump? It has made such a huge difference to me. I've 'only' got a 2 yr old and 2 month old. But being able to be hands free to pump is just amazing. They are expensive but worth every penny - and I got mine second hand on eBay and will probably be able to sell it for what I paid for it.