Help! Am I going insane?

[mumandcub]

Ok. This is going to be a long one.
I had my second child earlier this year (DD) and I also have a 3yo (DS).
When I had DD, my birth was traumatic and we had a weeks stay in hospital afterwards. Due to Covid, I had no visitors and couldn’t see DS. This has left a HUGE impact on me and I ended up being treated for PTSD. Before my treatment (therapy) I felt strong worry that something bad would happen to DD and we would be admitted back to hospital. Following therapy, I felt much better and more rational. I was no longer worried and got back to enjoying being a new mum again.
But, a few weeks ago, my mind started to turn on me again and I started to suffer severe anxiety. I have never suffered from mental health before btw. This time, my worry has shifted entirely onto my DS. I am constantly worrying that every bruise on his skin means he has a serious illness. I know I have lost the rational side of my mind. My DS does have 5 cafe au lait spots on his skin and I’ve been told by a consultant (not one to do with skin but to do with allergies as he was diagnosed with an allergy before the age of 1) to keep a close eye on it as they can be linked to syndromes and can be a worry when there are more than 6 on the body. WELL! This has heightened all anxiety like never before. I am constantly looking at him and feeling panic. This is so unlike me and hugely out of character. It’s driving me mad!! I’m so worried and anxious that my mind takes me to awful places where I fear the worst will happen to my darling little boy.
I know I’m probably suffering from postpartum ptsd and this is all linked to this and I have booked a drs appointment for next week to further discuss but in the meantime, I’m hoping that perhaps this might resonate with someone on here and they can understand? Or even if your child has cafe au lait marks, perhaps you could offer some ‘reassurance’?
I don’t know. I’m feeling very low, my poor husband is constantly supportive but I hope to seek some help here too.
Sorry it’s long and probably pretty vague, I’d be here days if I wrote everything down.
Thank you for reading and be kind (I’m feeling super sensitive right now) x

OP, it's great that you are being honest. Knowing and understanding that you are not being rational with your anxieties show that you are realistically reflecting on what is happening.

What do you think would help you move forwards?

I’ve tried improving my anxieties myself, for example, anything negative on social media, I’ve removed myself from viewing. I followed Azaliya’s story and I knew it was triggering bad thoughts for my own children’s health so I had to step back and say enough is enough and no longer look.
I’ve tried actively taking my mind away from bad thoughts by distracting myself but I know these are methods that may not help long term. I’m hoping the dr may refer me back to therapy or perhaps medication may be needed? I’m not sure and like I say, I’ve not suffered from mental health previously so it’s a scary minefield for me right now.

Definitely talk to your Dr about therapy. Could you try this and then see if you need medication too?

I am not sure sure what a milky coffee spot is but it sounds like you suffer from post natal anxiety and yes, please speak to your doctor about it again. I am 9 weeks PP and worry too much as well.

My older one was sick, has a fever and diarrhoea. I honestly thought; what if he dies? I cried and got so upset. My husband was like: he's got a stomach bug, he'll get over it but I completely get it. The thoughts we have aren't rational then but in that moment, very very real.

Sending lots of love, it's so hard XX

I had a baby during covid and no support and then issues afterwards which felt so much worse than they were because there was no healthcare professional to turn to, even GP said they wouldn't see me and it wall all via text. It all fuelled feing so so anxious even now 8 months later about everything. I felt so vulnerable and that there was one health issue after another. It made me feel like my body and health are so vulnerable and anything can go wrong at any time

Like you this has given me A LOT of anxiety for myself and for my baby. I also worry that I'll be readmitted to hospital and would do anything to avoid that.

I dont know what to say to help, but just that I know how you're feeling.