Told DS will struggle at school and feeling down about it

[Motherofmonsters]

DS is starting school in September and currently attends the schools preschool.

The manager has told me DS is going to struggle when he attends. He has sensory processing disorder and is struggling with managing his emotions, sharing and joining in.

The school SENCO is involved and the nursery are trying their best. I just feel so sad about it all, I want him to get on well with it. I just feel very alone as no-one else around me has this issue.

Well she's not psychic is she? Unless she IS then she's got no business predicting anything.

He might well struggle far less than you think. My friend has a DS with autism and he has sensory problems and he ADORES school.

Yes he had to get round some things but with help from his teacher's he's managed beautifully. He has a best friend and loves art lessons and his karate club.

Most kids struggle to share a bit...some learn faster than others. Managing emotions comes with time...they're not all right on track when they arrive either.

How is his language development? Tell us about his strengths and his likes...what does he love doing?

That was quite unprofessional of her. It would be far more helpful for her to talk about the positive ways in which your little boy can be helped when he starts school.

DS2's friend has sensory processing disorder and doesn't struggle at all. The only issue has been that he won't go on playdates, and if birthday parties aren't in McDonald's he won't go to those either.

Does his birthday fall between April and August?

If so, could you request he spend another year at pre-school and start reception next September instead? That might help him mature and develop further before going into the education system. Anything is worth trying if it can prevent him from struggling.

Thank you for your replies. I think she meant it in a he's going to struggle so we need to put things in place to help him. They've suggested a staggered start for him so will try that and other things suggested. It just seems like we've been trying things for ages.
I hope she's wrong but I knew this before she said it.

I have sensory processing disorder, mostly with noise, crowds, and transitions/too much going on at once.

If he having and kind of therapy? Has he been officially diagnosed?

No he isn't at the moment, they've included a sensory diet into his day and take him out the class if he's getting unregulated. No official diagnosis as it's not recognised as a stand alone disorder here

I would suggest taking him for an evaluation privately.

This helped me so much.

Don't be disheartened, your story sounds like my son when he struggled in primary and had SENCO. He struggled academically, only played alongside his peers. He would wear a coat in summer and shorts in winter. I use to lose sleep worrying about him.
My little boy is now 19 and has many lifelong friends but made them much later. He has lots of strengths, he is great at talking to people and has made contacts and has even got jobs. He's a leader at a sailing club helping other teenagers, (he's there now in the rain!!) he's dependable and reliable and everyone knows him.
So I just wanted to say focus on his strengths, build his confidence and believe in him, you know him best.

There's struggling and there's struggling - he may enjoy many aspects of the school day and with some support - headphones in the canteen, like you said a special diet that won't cause stress you might find things are actually fine.

My (young) teenage son is autistic and has "social homework" to help him navigate social situations where he might not read a room - there's so much they can do to help and it sounds like you've got people on your side so very well done on that score. It's not easy!

Also in terms of relating to peers - my son "gets it wrong" in some situations in the wild but it turns out he's brilliant at teaching other people in some of his clubs - to some extent he's parroting/mimicking a type of teacher (hard to describe) but he's had great feedback about that. Never in a million years would I expect that when he was four or five. He may well surprise you in a million pleasant ways!

One of mine the nursery said they were really worried about how they would settle in reception, as were we. Reception came and they loved it, a slightly more structured approach and clearer rules. It was literally the next room and even half the staff were the same. Obviously it might be different for your dc and there were different issues later in school so be aware and prepared but it might be fine.

Are you in the UK?

Thank you for all your comments, it's giving me some hope. They are a good school so I'm sure they will do what they can. Hopefully the Senco can give us some more support. Yes I'm in the UK.