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Toddler won’t let dad put her to bed

13 replies

jmcilroy · 06/07/2021 21:04

First time posting so please bear with me!

Our daughter is 19 months old and until ~3 months ago was in a great bedtime routine after doing controlled crying sleep training at 6 months. My husband and I both share bedtime (bath, pyjamas etc), then taking turns to put her down but over time I’ve gotten complacent and not only taken over all put downs but also letting her stay up longer with cuddles, falling asleep on me etc.

We’re now at the point she will not let daddy put her to bed at all - she’s fine with bathtime etc up until the point of being carried into her bedroom by daddy - major tantrum, “mummy do it” etc. Have tried to leave her with him to do the final step of bottle in her room but she screams and cries so much and even tries to get out of the room.

I’m 6months pregnant and obviously not only want to avoid the physical strain of always doing put downs, but when new baby arrives in September it won’t be possible (/easy). Another spanner is by that time my husband will be missing ~3 bedtimes pw due to work.

For this reason he isn’t as keen to nip this in the bud, though does accept it will be extremely difficult for me come September if this continues. He thinks we still have a while to resolve this whereas I’d like to get cracking ASAP.

Otherwise, our daughter has always been a real live wire, lots of fun and very active but has just started the terrible 2s with temper tantrums, as well as probably some jealousy with the impending new arrival. She loves to play and cuddle with her dad, but they don’t spend much 1:1 time together outside of the house - perhaps this is something we could try to improve bedtime?

Any advice or tips greatly appreciated!!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
zoeydollie · 06/07/2021 21:06

She’s only 1, she doesn’t get to let you or not let you do anything.
When it’s dad’s turn to do bedtime leave him to it, don’t step in.

moonlight1705 · 06/07/2021 21:10

Exactly the same here with my 2.5 DD. Someone else suggested on a thread I made that we both did it together and gradually mum phases out bit by bit.

It has worked to a certain extent and tonight I had to work late so her dad did the whole thing. She did ask for me but knew I was out at work and was still asleep at the same time as other nights. We'll work on it when I am in the house but not with her.

Biscusting · 06/07/2021 21:14

Controlled crying to then being allowed to fall asleep on you? Poor toot

Does it have to be a cry it out thing? What’s wrong with both doing bed time and you just gradually stepping out?

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Ragwort · 06/07/2021 21:16

Agree with a PP ... just leave him to it ... go out for a walk when it's bedtime.

jmack2809 · 06/07/2021 21:21

Thanks, do you suggest going out for the whole bedtime routine?

ahoyshipmates · 06/07/2021 21:26

@jmack2809

Thanks, do you suggest going out for the whole bedtime routine?
If you are entirely absent from the house then she can't ask for you because you aren't there. It should make it slightly easier.
jmack2809 · 06/07/2021 21:28

Haha it hasn’t stopped her before! But certainly worth a try, thank you

DinosaurDiana · 06/07/2021 21:29

Go out so she has no choice.

zoeydollie · 06/07/2021 21:32

@jmack2809

Thanks, do you suggest going out for the whole bedtime routine?
You could just pretend to go out, but if you don't think you can let him do bedtime if you're in the house then I would actually go out.
jmack2809 · 06/07/2021 21:34

Glad she went off tonight Smile
Did she have full-on tantrums when you first started phasing out? Currently unsure how to deal with those

Nohomemadecandles · 06/07/2021 21:34

She doesn't get to decide. She's a toddler!

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 06/07/2021 22:43

Ah, watching with interest. We are having the same thing at the mo. Haven't even managed to get my 22 month old off the breast yet so I think we still have a way to go....

Ourbabyava · 08/12/2022 21:23

We are experiencing the same thing the last week weeks, we used to take bedtime in turns but recently if I take her she calls for her mum until she gets to the point she is really worked up and struggling to get away from me. Mum went out tonight and while she did the same. She's 22 months and telling her mummy isn't here seemed to wind her up more

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