Bit scared to go out with toddler on my own

[Januaryblue2020]

I think it's a combo of terrible twos and coming out of covid restrictions, but I've really got quite worried about taking my toddler out places on my own. He's so so defiant at the moment, and will kick off about the smallest thing, and I'm really scared of going out to shops or anywhere and not being able to control him. When he has a tantrum, I can't even physically stop him, I just have to let him lie on the floor and thrash around. I don't think he's any 'worse' than most toddlers but I really don't feel equipped to deal with him on out and about.

Recently I realised that I've been actively avoiding going anywhere on trips with him alone. As my husband has WFH from ages (I work p/t) the days I have my son on my own, we've just been at home more or less. Now he's back in the office, I get very lonely at home with toddler but am just very nervous about taking him anywhere.

Does anyone feel the same or have any advice? Will this defiant stage pass? Will my confidence come back?

Yes it will come back but you have to get out! I would try trips to the park really. And maybe the library? And the odd stay and play group. I didn’t take my toddler often to the shops unless it was a quick trip because it’s quite boring for them.

Also in the thick of the terrible twos so I sympathise! I think the best thing to do is shove him in the pram and walk to a park with swings or a big open space where he can run around and burn off some energy. Use a snack to bribe back into the pram when it's time to go

It will pass, but I think you need to bite the bullet and get out. He needs practice being out and around other people, and to learn how to act in public. Good luck!

For me what worked was short trips with no deadline, building up the length, starting out with reins to keep him safe. We stayed close to home (followed bin lorries etc) and if he didn’t behave I picked him up and walked home. Behaviour improved a lot between two and 2.5 and now he’s nearly three and an absolute angel.

You need to get out. It’ll help a lot with his mood if he can burn off some energy.

Are you able to tell us what you’re worried about exactly? What’s the worst thing they could happen? Then maybe we could give you some advice or reassurance about that.

Argh I remember this well! I just tried to accept that sometimes DD would have to lie on the floor and scream and thrash for a bit before I could coax her away from the scene. Many a time we left the beach or park with me carrying her over my shoulder, her shrieking and screaming. She soon learnt, or grew out of it. The alternative was to never go anywhere and that would have been intolerable!

Start out in the pram. Take bribes. Be firm. Be Consistent.

If he's on the floor can you pick him up and wrestle him into pram?
Can you carry him under your arm? I have walked off with a screaming toddler under my arm and shoving an empty pram with me.

'If you behave like this we're going straight home.'
Next day 'If you behave like that again we will go straight home and miss out on...'

Don't care what anyone else sees/listens - we've all been there and once you've got through this you'll see others going through it! If anyone makes eye contact just roll your eyes and smile. They'll get it.

It's an utterly shit stage OP. Commiserations

I just tried to accept that sometimes DD would have to lie on the floor and scream and thrash for a bit before I could coax her away from the scene

EVERYONE has been there - you know those looks? They are people remembering the exact same scenario they had with their own toddlers - no judgement just sympathy and a wave of ‘thank god that’s over’

It will all improve but you need to go out !

Start small so either short local walks etc and build up from there. Also go to places where they are a bit safer or easier for you to manage in so eg national trust places are good as they can run about in the open, often no roads, no one cares about noise and easy place to distract ‘oh look there’s a squirrel’ as opposed to going to a shopping mall where they’ll get bored and any screaming from them will put you on edge

Good luck OP! I find the behaviour improves when they are out as they are distracted and learning about the world. The vast majority of people are so nice if you have a tantrum on your hands - brings back memories for them! It’s not like you will be taking him to a fancy restaurant and ruining a romantic meal. Agree with PPs on bribes and being firm.

It will get better but you have to get out for your confidence levels but also your DC will need more stimulation and it may actually help with any tantrums.

Thanks for your kind advice everyone. I know you're right, I just need to do it!

Basically stopped doing anything alone with him last March in first lockdown, when he was still a baby, and now realise I have a toddler who I actually haven't spent much proper alone time with in the past 18 months. I think maybe part of it has been the lack of kid friendly options, no playgroups etc, where people are used to crazy toddlers and sympathetic. Even the library now has a fifteen min browsing limit and no kids stuff out because of covid, so things all feel a bit more fraught and tense.

But I know I need to do it! And he needs to learn how to behave in public too. Thanks, this has made me feel a bit more determined.

Maybe ask on Facebook for local toddler recommendations. There will be some places where toddlers can interact and blow of some steam in a safe environment. I’ve got a 2.5 year old and there’s a local soft play that he can do by himself.
And of course there’s always parks. Take them in the pushchair or a trike if you have one and then it’s easier to get them home if there’s a tantrum.