Tell me good things about a 5.5-year age gap between children

[ifigoup]

A mixture of circumstances and my complex gynaecological history mean that rather than the 3-year age gap we’d hoped for, it will be five and a half.

Please can you tell me good and ONLY good things about a gap of this size?

The ones that have occurred to me so far are:

• they will never be doing the same kinds of things / competing for the sane kinds of resources at the same time, so hopefully less jealousy.
• the older one has had plenty of time to be the “baby” and is now an established person, well-settled in school etc.
• they won’t ever be doing major exams at the same time.
• spreading the cost of nursery, driving lessons, university etc.

Are there any more?? I’m already freaked out about having another baby in my 40s. Don’t get me wrong, I’m overjoyed too but we’d pretty much concluded it would never happen.

Everything you’ve said plus you will enjoy your second child’s baby time more as you won’t have to keep so much of an eye on the older one!

My DBs are ~5.5 and 9 years older than me. Having Big Brothers was great, IMO - they played with me nicely, and were pretty considerate. I wasn't aware of any downside to the age gaps.

Only one doing gcses/a levels or equivalent exams at once

On mat leave, you'll get plenty of 1-1 time with baby while elder child at school, and maybe even a nap.

My eldest and youngest have this gap, thoufh there's dc2 in between - I think people forget its a really common gap when there are more than two children

DC1 and 3 have never, ever fought or argued (they're now 10.5 and 16). The relationship is just not one in which they're rivals or tbh equals (obviously they're equally loved, equally important etc. but the relationship power balance isn't equal and dc3 sees his big sister differently to his close in age brother - he does defer to her on things out of instinctive awareness she knows how things work, and the flip aide of this is she helps him with things, from working the washing machine to homework to friendship advice to being reassuring about the transition to secondary school).

It's a very different relationship to a close in age sibling, but a calmer more nurturing one arguably!

I am 5.5 years older than my sister. I saw her as my little baby and loved mothering her. I don’t remember feeling very jealous and we don’t have that dynamic now. Well I don’t, she probably does, but you only want positives! We have been good friends as adults and I don’t see the age gap as a barrier to that. I think the age gap will allow you time to be with your baby in a way that is like the first time, except you have all this experience and knowledge you didn’t have. I’d expect you’ll enjoy it much more. Oh and lastly, my mum always used to quote some stat that for each child to have a chance of being a genius, you needed to leave 5yrs!! Who knows if that’s true but it was a long running joke.

My daughters are 5 and 10.

They absolutely adore each other and play together beautifully. The 10yo is a very willing helper... reads stories to her little sister, helps her dress etc. There has never been any significant jealousy or rivalry.

I had mat leave when DD1 was starting school, it was a good balance. It was nice to be able to have alone time with DD2, and to collect DD1 from school, get to know other parents etc.

DD1 is very patient with DD2. Shes great at getting DD2 out of a bad mood.

I have just asked DD1. She says "it's fun to have a little tickle and cheer her up when she's upset. I like to play with her, share things and help her learn. I liked explaining things to her and encouraging her. That's the way we got a true friendship".

I love their wee relationship 😍

DSD16 takes DSD10 to school every morning on her way to work.

It's brilliant!

I am crying happy tears (that will be the hormones…) Thank you all for your encouraging stories and for humouring me!

I've got this gap. As well as the things you said:

• only 1 really doing after school activities that need you at a time. So little one comes whilst big one does things in primary, but by the time little one starts up, big one is more independent in secondary.
• you get time to recover after eldest's GCSEs/A levels before younger one embarks
• the joy of going to zoos etc continues for longer
• the elder gets to enjoy younger things for longer after they aren't cool any more as they have the excuse of the younger sibling

Oh my goodness, my two older children (5 and 7) absolutely ADORE their baby brother. They are completely infatuated with him. My 2 year old is indifferent! And they are a great help to me, keeping him happy etc when I go out the room. They love him so it's not a chore. And he totally adores them too. An age gap like that is big enough to nurture their own nurturing feelings.