Help 14 week old and sleeping

[Smiths84]

Our lovely DS will only sleep on me or in his pram if I’m out walking but can wake after just 30mins and won’t go back off. We’ve a Moses basket and a next to me crib and he won’t sleep in either. He won’t sleep in a sling. We read about the fourth trimester so understood it is normal for babies not to sleep on their own but I had hoped after 12 weeks things would get better. The house is a tip, I spend all day pretty much sat on the sofa breastfeeding or holding him to sleep. It’s getting me down, it’s getting my husband down as he’s doing everything in the house around his full time job. The only way DS sleeps at night is cosleeping following the lullaby trust guidelines and breastfeeding lying down. This was after HV advice at around 6 weeks when I was getting zero sleep. DH is supportive and wants me to feel happier, he thinks that at 14 weeks DS should be learning to sleep on his own and we should let him cry it out but I disagree and think DS is still too little. Anyone been in this situation, did anything help? Did your child grow out of it? I can handle it if it’s a normal thing and we just need to ride it out, we’re just so irritable around each other at the moment and have just argued about it which isn’t like us

Yes they did but not until much much older. Have you tried a sling?

@Fitforforty we have, have tried a stretchy wrap, a close caboo and a nuby baby carrier, he hated all 3 lol, think it’s because he can smell the milk on me

That’s kind of normal for a first baby.
Keep going with the pram, mine both slept really well in the pram but I left them in the garden unless it was really really hot or minus 5!
I found leaving them to cry (unavoidable with the second) tended to make it all worse
It does get better but embrace the night feeds and holding them sleeping because it won’t be long before they are too big
My first was lovely to hold sleeping, my second is a fidget and horrible to cuddle!

14 weeks is far too young to even consider letting a baby cry it out, that's absolutely horrific. I know how you feel - my ds also didn't sleep anywhere but on me, and also breastfeed for 23 hours a day. Cosleeping worked for us at night. Drop your standards at home. It will get better.

So sorry your going through this its so tough when you're sleep deprived. Unfortunately this is normal and please be assured it will pass he will get better at being on his own he just needs you at the moment. My 5 month old was very much like this to be honest hes still not great at sleeping on his own but will sleep in his pram and bassinet for up to an hour most days. At night we cosleep/bed share as this is the only way we can get rest. And crying it out didn't work for us I just couldn't do it. Do you have any relatives or friends that could take him for an hour or even hold him for a bit while you do house work, wash or sleep? It is so difficult but honestly it will pass I actually miss having an excuse to sit down anymore. Take care x

My baby son is 15 weeks now and I had the same problem for the first few weeks. I ended up cosleeping for a while and breastfeeding with us laying on our sides and then let him nap on me or in the sling during the day. After trying a few different things what worked for us in the end is a rocking swing for naps during the day swaddled up in a blanket and a Love to Dream swaddle bag and white noise at night. If you haven't already tried a Love to Dream swaddle bag it might be worth giving it a try, they are a bit expensive though.

Also, this is probably clutching at straws but is the baby definitely warm enough? I only say this because my baby has always seemed like quite a 'cool' baby compared to a lot of others. He never gets warm or has a warm chest or neck or damp hair and has always had an extra layer on compared to what is recommended for a specific temperature. He would only sleep in just a babygro if the room got to like 28 degrees and even now he refuses to wear pyjamas to bed, he clenches his fists and flails his arms around if he doesn't have a sleepsuit on covering his hands. It just makes me wonder if in the early days he was just a tad too cold and needed my body warmth as he would literally start screaming the moment I moved him from my body.

I appreciate every baby is different and what worked for me probably won't work for other babies but I know a few people who got a Love to Dream swaddle and their babies slept so much better. I think you can return them if you don't get on with them too.

Thanks @mayblossominapril I have to admit I do enjoy the night time cuddles, it’s just helpful to know it’s normal as we are first time parents and muddling through which I guess everyone does the first time!

Thanks @Shmithecat2 am definitely not going to attempt letting him cry it out, think DH was trying to be helpful with different suggestions but am glad to know that my gut feeling that he is too young is shared by others, ds still feeds a lot like your lo, he’s reduced the length of time on the boob but the frequency is still the same

@Smiths84

Thanks *@Shmithecat2* am definitely not going to attempt letting him cry it out, think DH was trying to be helpful with different suggestions but am glad to know that my gut feeling that he is too young is shared by others, ds still feeds a lot like your lo, he’s reduced the length of time on the boob but the frequency is still the same

I also know how bloody frustrating it is to hear things like 'it's normal/it will pass' etc when you're stuck in it. The days are never ending. But the years really are quite short. Ds is 6 in a few months. Didn't stop bfing until he was nearly 4yo 😬

I used to feed mine to sleep on the bed and the move away leaving them in the middle of the bed. I could then get some things done whilst popping in and out the room. I appreciate this doesn't properly follow SIDS guidance to be in the same room at all times though.

This is so normal. The first 6 months are just about getting by. It really does get better.

My 3rd DC is 3m and that sounds normal to me, it will get easier.

Both Ds1 and DS3 only like/d the sling if I'm moving which might be worth noting. So try going for a walk with them it in, they fall asleep and are ok for a bit. Also use the sling to get jobs done round the house (some are easier than others in a front carry - avoid bending over them)

@Sash887 thank you, it’s good to hear from other mums and have reassurance it will pass, most of the time I’m ok and enjoying it but just now and again I feel a bit overwhelmed, like claustrophobic in a weird way? I’m very lucky we’ve family/friends nearby, my mum pops in for an hour or so on weekdays to hold him and entertain him whist I get a shower or pop some washing on but I sometimes feel like I should be managing on my own and not relying on the help? Pil pop round but less often as they’re a bit full on, I’m grateful for their help though as I know a lot of people don’t have it

Sorry, I had a contact sleeper and we just powered through until 6 months and did gentle sleep training after that. She’s now a champion self settler and has been sleeping through and napping in cot happily since we did that (now 11 months).

I know it’s really hard - such a mix of emotions between loving the cuddles and wanting your life back - but it isn’t forever, I promise. I tried to contact nap with her once a month ago when we were at a funeral and I couldn’t walk her around in the pram/take her in the car/put her in the cot and she just wouldn’t go for it! It feels like a life sentence at the time but you’re already more than halfway to 6 months, you can do it. Be kind to yourself.

Thanks @WhiteHorse92 will look into the swaddle bag. He seems to be warm enough but thanks for the suggestion it’s helpful to know what others have tried

I've got a 5-week-old and am in the same situation, she'll only sleep on me or her dad. As soon as we put her down in her Moses basket or crib she screams. At the moment I'm co-sleeping with her and DH is on the sofa. I was really hoping someone was going to post a miracle solution here. I'm not sure I can take much more of sitting on the sofa all day. I'm sore, and have spent this afternoon crying more than the baby. It's too hot here for swaddling or taking her out during the day. I'm really stuck.

[quote Smiths84]@Sash887 thank you, it’s good to hear from other mums and have reassurance it will pass, most of the time I’m ok and enjoying it but just now and again I feel a bit overwhelmed, like claustrophobic in a weird way? I’m very lucky we’ve family/friends nearby, my mum pops in for an hour or so on weekdays to hold him and entertain him whist I get a shower or pop some washing on but I sometimes feel like I should be managing on my own and not relying on the help? Pil pop round but less often as they’re a bit full on, I’m grateful for their help though as I know a lot of people don’t have it[/quote]
Absolutely not!!!! Take as much help as you are offered! Give yourself a break.

Definitely take all the help you can get. You can not look after your little one if you do not look after yourself. I think we all wing it and pretend we are managing so do not sweat the small stuff just concentrate on what's happening now. It will get easier I bet you are rocking it and you don't even realise. Much love. And remember you are the absolute world to your little one 💛 xxx

If you have Instagram follow lyndsey hookway she has amazing advice and is so reassuring xxx

Definitely very normal at 14w. I coslept with mine for weeks (ok months by my 3rd because it was easier). It will get easier. Put approach was to set the bedtime routine (for us, bath, story and milk) and put down in the cot. The first waking we would try to just soothe by singing or patting but as soon as baby got upset pick up and cuddle / feed as usually. Over time they all learned to sleep slightly longer before waking / self settle a bit. Hang in there. It will get better and you'll find your way based on your baby.