Feeling so overwhelmed - can I have a whinge?

[WindFlower92]

So I know there are people who are worse off, and I need to get some perspective, but I'm just finding everything so hard at the moment! Have a 2yo DD and a 6wo DD, and I just want to know when everything is going to get easier! I don't know what to do with DD1 while I'm breastfeeding, and DD2 seems to feed for hours only to go down for about half an hour during the day! So the TV is on constantly. Whenever I'm preparing lunch DD2 is screaming as I never seem to be able to time it right. Mornings are a nightmare and I'm barely eating or drinking, which meant I gave myself a bladder infection 2 weeks ago. I get so stressed when we leave the house for a walk as I'm worried DD2 will wake up for a feed and I'll have to juggle them both. I just feel so overwhelmed and worried that I'm letting them down. DH is great but he works Mon-Fri so obviously it's down to me in the day. Last night was the tipping point for me - I had the covid jab on Thursday and have been feeling awful. Both girls were up all night so no one got any sleep. Normally at least me or DH will sleep so one of us is refreshed at any given time. Today we've just all sat like zombies in front of the TV and I'm sat here covered in milk and vomit and a yoghurt that DD1 threw over me, probably because she was bored!

How does everyone cope with this age gap without going mad? I can't remember when it got easier with DD1 - I just need DD2 to feed less in the day so I can spend some time with her and not feel like such a failure. Sorry for the rant, thanks to anyone who actually read that!

I'm sorry I don't have any good advice, but just to say that this is exactly what our days are like at the moment! I think it is normal and you just have to hang on in there and get through each day as best you can, and slowly things will get easier, your DD will feed for less long, DD1 will adjust to having a sibling more, you'll all find a new rhythm!

of course you can have a whinge. We all have bad spells. Last night sounds awful!

When will your eldest get free nursery hours? That'll help. Could you pay for a bit of help for some of the week?

Get your DH to make you up a big sports bottle of squash before he leaves for work and keep it next to where you usually breastfeed, so you can drink while feeding. Also a snack box for there.

Couldn't read and run but I've been there. When my twins were babies it was a, relentless miserable treadmill of mess, crying and me feeling like I was doing a crap job ALL THE TIME. I don't have any advice as such except it will get better, I'm guessing when your second communicates more in a few months and your dds can interact with each other. Just hang in there is all I can say, sorry xx

was about to answer but gotta go. so placemarking.
brb x

Try and get out to playgroups where you can sit and breastfeed/talk to other mums whilst did plays. Don't worry about what you look like, just try and get there. It will tire dd out. Also could experiment with later bedtimes for dd and a nap in the day. Use freezer food!

Just a message of solidarity. My twins are older and therefore at school during the week, and baby is 8mo now, so definitely easier than when he was a newborn. It is hard. Some days are simply about surviving. Get yourself snacks/water bottles next to where you breastfeed. I use a baby carrier a lot. Get to a park where the 2yo can’t escape, but can run around without too much help. Or go with friends? Blow bubbles with her. You’ll master feeding a baby while doing other things like brushing hair etc. Maybe try feeding while 2yo plays in the bath? My kids were always happier in water. Let go of the stuff that doesn’t matter, and make the stuff that does easier if you can. Easy dinners. You’re poorly too, so cut yourself some slack. Extra TV is fine at this stage. (Or any tbh.) I’m still finding life hard, but perhaps less constantly overwhelming...

Playgroups are a good idea, keep dd1 busy.

The 6/7 week mark is where newborns get easier. They cry less and start to settle into life. Have you got a wrap or sling? Keeps baby happy or asleep and gives you arms to play or eat.

Thanks for the replies all! We're booked in for playgroups every day next week so that should be nice! She goes to nursery every Friday, and I'm thinking of putting her in for a half day on Wednesdays just to break the week up a bit. I have some slings but they scare me for some reason! Will get them out and have a look at them today, I need to be more mobile. DH has just given DD1 a bath and she's down for a nap, so we can all breathe and sit in silence for a little bit! Aaagh one day at a time is the right way to look at it I guess.

If you can afford it try and get the older one into nursery half a day on Mondays as well as that then only leaves you with 2 whole days to tackle and you will also know that she’s being entertained .

I read on here once about making a "toddler bag" for when you feed.
So as soon as you're feeding, DD1 gets to open the bag which would have e.g. puzzles, sticker books, play doh etc.
This way, they see this time as a treat and they're occupied.
Thought it sounded like a great idea.

Just wanted to pop on from slightly older stage and say this is really, really normal and also really, really hard.
A baby and a young toddler are not an easy combination and if you feel like all you do most days is get safely to the end of it, then you are doing well. Eventually (painfully slowly!) your little ones will get a bit older and more independent. Don’t listen to anyone who says ‘treasure these moments, it goes by so fast’ or other rubbish. I am treasuring my time with my children now who mostly sleep, can enjoy fun chapter stories being read to them, watch films I might enjoy too and don’t need me absolutely every single second! This isn’t the height of parenting experience for most women unless you are one of a tiny percentage who can cope really well on no sleep and don’t get bored by childcare of babies/toddlers. Most of us do, but it will pass. You will get more sleep and the kids will become more fun (and I say this as a mum of a child with additional needs).

Hold on and don’t feel bad for finding it horrifically hard.

Toddler bag sounds good! Are there not tantrums when it's taken away though? Got that Sunday feeling despite not having work tomorrow Thanks for all the kind words!

Ah I came on here & wrote a similar post about a month ago! I have a 2 year old & a 16 week old. I suddenly feel the last couple of weeks have got a little “easier”. Baby is a bit more predictable & can be put down on the play mat or bouncer for a decent amount of time now before he starts fussing which means I can spend more time with the toddler & keep her occupied.

Also, I strongly advise getting out the house every day. Even just a short walk to the local park. I find it breaks the day up & means toddler can run around & baby can nap in the pram/car. And I feel so much better in myself if we’ve gone & done something, no matter how small.

Things are still hard as the dreaded 4 month sleep regression has just hit. But I am feeling more optimistic than I was a few weeks ago when I really was feeling rough & wondering how I was going to survive!

Hang in there!

If you can learn to breastfeed in a sling it will change your life. I know that sounds melodramatic, but it's true 😄

Things I've done whilst simultaneously breastfeeding:

• made lunch
• had a pee
• got in a bus with toddler
• pushed toddler in the swings
• done craft with toddler
• done the shop at the supermarket
• made Yorkshire pudding mixture.
• baked.
• sprinted after toddler who ran off!
• fairground rides
• navigated an airport

Basically, it meant I could do pretty much what I did before, but with a baby attached and feeding.

If you can master it, you won't need to go hungry, your two year old won't end up bored watching as much TV (though chill out timed is highly recommended too) and you should find the difficulty level drops hugely.

I didn't personally find having a newborn and a two year old difficult (for the first 9m...) but I credit that entirely to my reliance on slings and also feeding in them.

@Babyboomtastic

If you can learn to breastfeed in a sling it will change your life. I know that sounds melodramatic, but it's true 😄

Things I've done whilst simultaneously breastfeeding:

• made lunch
• had a pee
• got in a bus with toddler
• pushed toddler in the swings
• done craft with toddler
• done the shop at the supermarket
• made Yorkshire pudding mixture.
• baked.
• sprinted after toddler who ran off!
• fairground rides
• navigated an airport

Basically, it meant I could do pretty much what I did before, but with a baby attached and feeding.

If you can master it, you won't need to go hungry, your two year old won't end up bored watching as much TV (though chill out timed is highly recommended too) and you should find the difficulty level drops hugely.

I didn't personally find having a newborn and a two year old difficult (for the first 9m...) but I credit that entirely to my reliance on slings and also feeding in them.

OK, please you need to tell us more. This seems to me the holy grail indeed. How do you feed in a sling, then?? Is there a tutorial for it anywhere, or what would be your tips? I've heard before that you just loosen the sling a bit but if I did that I can't imagine then still being able to walk around without having to hold on to the baby and probably the whole sling falling apart ?

You loosen it a bit and kind of hoik your tit up and shove it in 😂

I didn't watch any videos etc, I needed to do it when landing in a plane as baby was screaming and due to landing I couldn't get her 'out' so improvised, and just went from there really. When they are slightly older, it you have them side in in a ring sling, then that's really easy.

You are supposed to keep one hand lightly on them supporting their head, but if you let go for a couple of seconds whilst opening a door, pulling up your trousers etc it's fine. What it does give you though is one totally free hand and the ability to move around really easily.

Just thought, re the loosening, you loosen the straps that go over your shoulders and any side ones, not the waistband (or if you do, only a bit) so there is more room for baby's too half, but they are still more snug on the bottom. And you slightly tighten once they are on boob - not so much they can move away from the move, but to get a bit of tension back.

Thank you! I will have to practise this. Do you know whether it is also possible in a wrap sling? And with all types of boob ?

It's really important that you eat and drink well whilst breastfeeding. If you are running on empty it will effect your milk which will in turn fuel the vicious cycle of constant feeding as well as mean you don't have the energy to get through the day when tired with two very small children. Prioritise regular food and drink and you will more than likely feel better and things may fall into place a bit more.

Make yourself and your toddler a packed lunch the night before.

Use a sling- moby wrap is excellent.

Consider putting toddler in for more hours at nursery.

Fill a large bottle with water and keep with you to drink from all day

Rotate your toys so toddler has “new” things to play with every few days

Get a bubble machine and switch on for toddler to leap spend and catch bubbles with

Story cds and a soft toy in bed while you feel
the baby is totally acceptable while the wait for you tuck them in

Fuzzy felts are a lovey “quiet” toy that used to engross my toddler while I fed the baby.

Safety in numbers- try a couple of toddler groups. Someone will be DELIGHTED to hold your baby while you neck a cup of tea.

I think the breastfeeding calms down about 3-4 months. It does get easier and you're just doing your best which is all you can do. No one ever said babies were easy and you are definitely not alone out there. One day at a time

Thanks so much for all the support and ideas - love the lunchbox one especially! Had a meltdown this morning so DH stayed off work to help today Got some good food in, sorted a plan for mornings and evenings and have another class booked for the morning, will hopefully make it to this one! Love to everyone else in the same boat!