Dealing with all childcare on my own with partner at home

[Motherofking]

I love being a mum to My 13 month old bar I feel drained . My partner does the bare minimum when it comes to the baby. Alot of the times I'm okay with doing it alone because I'm very hands on and have gotten used to it but I have moments where I get frustrated dealing with night wakings , teething , watching our son during the day etc and need a bit more support . I express this to him all the time and when I say I'm tired and need help I get told ' there's single mums out there that do everything .' ' there's poor mums in Africa with no electricity that manage to get on with things ' ' you need to accept your responsibility of being a mother .' ' if I wasn't here how would you shower or eat ' . At first these comments would make me feel guilty because I understand other mums may have it harder than me but It doesn't change the fact that I'm struggling mentally with dealing with everything alone. Our baby had his jabs yesterday so has had a fever and also has a tooth cutting through so is very fussy and crying alot on top of that I have exams to prepare for . All I did was ask for some support because I'm exhausted and I got shut down and was told I moan alot and ' what are you doing differently that other mums don't do' I burst into tears at that point and I'm just hurt . I know I don't have postpartum depression , I just need more support . I just want the privilege of knowing that if I've been up most of the night with the baby that he could watch him in the morning so I can catch up on sleep , or if I feel like having a nice bath or washing my hair once a week I can leave the baby with him in another room to do so , or when I've had a long exhausted day I can have a little rest even for 30 mins. He's not working at the moment due to health related issues however I work my ass all day alone. The most he does is play a few games when our son is in a good mood . When he's out of the house it feels no different to when he's at home as I do 100% of the child care . Im not asking for him to give our son milk , change his nappies or feed him , I wish he would but I've given up on that battle a long time ago just got on with things . I just want to not be exhausted when he's home all the time and want those little privileges I mentioned above but when I bring that up I get those comparison comments and no support . I don't know what to do anymore I am trying to get on with things and just a good mother but mentally I'm slowly breaking

@ineedaholidaynow working away from his family sometimes for months at a time is fair share. People's ideas of what is fair these days is the problem.

But you were complaining that you have to ask for help when he is home @Chelyanne. You shouldn't have to ask when he is at home, you would think he would want to muck in when he misses family life for months at a time

@ineedaholidaynow I said it annoys me, most people are annoyed by things their partners do or don't do. Our ideas on what needs doing when differ as do most couples, as I'm used to just getting stuff done I hate waiting on someone else to do it in their time frame.
I'm allowed to vent that things annoy me without being unhappy with life. My kids annoy me doing bugger all for themselves but I still love them to bits.

Your H is an absolute waste of space.

Leave, he will either realise what a massive arse he is or, I suspect, not give a shit as he definitely isn't showing he cares about you and his child.

Either way you'll feel so much better not managing his arsey self.

@Chelyanne

He's a dick!

My husband is military and has to work away from home most of the time. I am a sahm and used to just coping on my own with 5 kids and another due Aug. I have to remind dh that he's not on holiday when he is home as he gets settled enjoying down time, he does help out if asked to but it does annoy me that he has to be asked.

Your husband is also a waste of space.

You'd be better off without him.
It wouldn't increase your workload but you wouldn't feel the burning rage at a cocklodger acting like you're wrong for expecting a father to participate in parenting!

Wishes aren't changes, look at the situation not what you want the situation to be. It's difficult, I've been there, but being single was actually much easier than living with someone like your partner.

Sad that your kid is burdened with degenerate, low intellect trash for a ‘father’, where are you going to live? This isn’t a relationship, it’s a farce, but you’re in his property. That needs to end.

@wriggleton I know being single would be easier. But it saddens me because I want my current child and future children to have the experience of living with both parents and have a real family . I never had that and was sad a lot growing up because of it. I just wanted better for my son

’if he sees I need his help he will understand but he doesn't seem to care’
I mean, he couldn’t be clearer about the fact he doesn’t care.

Your shit boyfriend is not a ‘real family’ though. He’s a failure of a man, a deadbeat who treats women like servants.

Why would you want your DC to see their Mum being treated like shit and being emotionally abused as being normal and what a family is?

@Motherofking you aren't giving your child now the opportunity to see a real family together anyway. You're giving him the view that dad's don't do shit all, don't look after the children and treat their partner like crap. By staying with him, your son is more likely to be a shit dad in the future, as you (as well as your partner) are telling him it's absolutely fine.

I just wanted better for my son

How can you not see that there is a strong chance your son will turn into the same useless excuse for a man as his father if he thinks this is normal behaviour?

@Motherofking sorry I'll be very blunt with you OP, but your son does not need "both parents". He needs a loving caring parent or two or however many but your DH is not a parent. He is a sperm donor that lives at the same premises.

Please think about your kid. You want him to think THIS is how his mother should be treated? How all women are to be treated? Is this the example you plan to set for his future?

Get rid. Contact the help lines mentioned above, pack up and shut the door. You will be better off, less stress and you will be proud of yourself and a good example for your son - if someone mistreats you and does not value you, move on. You owe them nothing.

@Chelyanne

He's a dick!

My husband is military and has to work away from home most of the time. I am a sahm and used to just coping on my own with 5 kids and another due Aug. I have to remind dh that he's not on holiday when he is home as he gets settled enjoying down time, he does help out if asked to but it does annoy me that he has to be asked.

He's also a waste of space then.

My BIL is military too and as soon as he is home is hands on. Like any parent should be.