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Parenting

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Original poster

Third child age gap dilemma

19 replies

Mumplum1 · 03/07/2021 22:03

After much debating, we have decided to have a third and final child, dh said today he would like to have it next year to aim for a 3 year or just under age gap.

This is originally what I thought I wanted too, but now that we are making plans, i'm really quite worried about it and how I will manage... our oldest dc has got so much easier recently (almost 4) so I was thinking that waiting to have a third the year after might be better and easier, for us and our other 2 dc but dh isn't keen as he is worried that will leave too big a gap.

Obviously we know we can't predict how things will go, it could end up taking a long time to ttc and be a larger gap regardless.

Has anyone had a 3 year gap and if so was it good or did you struggle, and do you wish you had of waited a bit longer?

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Original poster

Mumplum1 · 03/07/2021 22:05

P.s sorry if this is a subject that has been covered a million times, i'm just freaking out a little now that we are actually planning 🤯

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Original poster

Mumplum1 · 04/07/2021 13:34

Bump 🙂

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Emmacb82 · 04/07/2021 15:29

Watching with interest as we are having the 3rd child debate at the moment. Due to my age it needs to be next year, and will be about a 3 year gap or just under if we fell straight away. Keep going back and forth wether to do it or not. Had a 4 year age gap with the other 2 which was brilliant.

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Terrazzo · 04/07/2021 15:32

We had the 3rd child debate for years and now we’re loosely TTC and freaking out that we’ve left it too late and I’m now barren 😄 so I would get on with it. First 2 DC were conceived first month so I am most likely being OTT. If I get pregnant in the next 6 month, DCs will be 4 and 7 when born. Youngest would start school soon after baby born which would be nice. Interested in other responses!

Terrazzo · 04/07/2021 15:33

To add, I have some friends with the same gap and it works fine and the siblings are close. I am surprised the amount of families there are at the school gates who have 2 in school and a new baby - so 4+ year gap there too.

Cattitudes · 04/07/2021 15:35

The third just slotted in to be honest, it was tough having to do the school run with a new born. The age group is such that the youngest and the oldest aren't really in competition and the oldest dotes on the youngest. The middle child is close enough in age to the youngest but old enough not to be as competitive as they are with their older sibling. It worked well for us and they are a team. Uni will be costly though!

Original poster

Mumplum1 · 04/07/2021 20:01

@emmacb82 The debate is crazy isn't it, for the first two we just sort of decided to go for it but the third one is much harder!

@terrazzo oh how exciting, hoping you get a bfp soon!

@cattitudes is it a 3 year gap you have between the second and third then?
How was being pregnant with that gap if you don't mind me asking?

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Cattitudes · 04/07/2021 20:54

Just under three years between 2 and 3. It was easier than #2 but every pregnancy is different. I was glad that most of the pregnancy was before my oldest started school because if we wanted a lazy day then we could do that. Once school starts it is unrelenting, but you might already be used to that with a nursery run or have someone to help you.

Ilikecheeseontoast · 04/07/2021 21:19

I have a 3 year, 3 month gap and baby is now 1. The first 6 weeks were intense (awful) and the first 6 moths were hard (slightly less awful but still pretty awful!). However, after that everything kind of slotted into place and now it’s lovely!

Original poster

Mumplum1 · 04/07/2021 22:25

@cattitudes I didn't think much about that, I imagine trying to get a newborn ready in the morning as well to take on the school run wouldn't be fun.

@ilikecheeseontoast sorry things were bad to start but i'm glad to hear they are good for you all now, do you mind me asking why things were hard at the start? Sorry i'm grilling everyone now 😄

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Cattitudes · 05/07/2021 07:05

You don't really get a newborn ready for the school run, you change the nappy early and have a snowsuit on hand and just pray that the poo waits until you get back or you don't meet a judgy mum. I think most younger siblings on the school run don't really emerge into school society until they are 18 months until then they are just the reason to still have a buggy and somewhere to put book bags (which are the most useless items of baggage ever designed).

On the plus side if you like your baby to have a morning nap in a pushchair between 8.20 and 9.20 and an afternoon one between 2.45 and 3.45 then it is perfect!

whoami24601 · 05/07/2021 07:20

I've got a just less than 3 year gap between 1 and 2 and 3.5 years between 2 and 3. It's great! As someone else said they're close enough in age to play but not be rivals. All 3 of mine get on really well. I didn't think the school run was tricky. Feed and change baby first thing then just pop them in the bouncer. Get others ready as normal. DS3 then used to fall asleep on the way to school and do a good two hour nap so I could sit down with a coffee! Mine are now 9,6 and 2 and I absolutely love the relationship they all have.

Ilikecheeseontoast · 05/07/2021 15:27

[quote Mumplum1]@cattitudes I didn't think much about that, I imagine trying to get a newborn ready in the morning as well to take on the school run wouldn't be fun.

@ilikecheeseontoast sorry things were bad to start but i'm glad to hear they are good for you all now, do you mind me asking why things were hard at the start? Sorry i'm grilling everyone now 😄[/quote]
Because I was getting pulled in several directions at the same time all day every day. Trying to breastfeed a new baby, recover from a long and traumatic birth, 3 year old wanting to play, have their bum wiped, go to the park, cook dinner, housework, all on very little sleep! -lockdown didn’t help either!

A year on, sleep is better, baby is crawling everywhere, eating the same foods as everyone else, I’m in physically better shape etc!

Original poster

Mumplum1 · 05/07/2021 19:58

Thank you all for your experiences, I really appreciate you taking the time!

And I have read and reread your comments and it has given me more to think about. x

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Himawarigirl · 06/07/2021 16:04

I feel like I read every single thread like this ever published throughout time in my effort to decide whether to have a third child. It took us a long time to work up our nerve to commit to it and in the end we have a four year gap almost exactly between numbers two and three. It’s worked out really well for us. Our youngest is two now and is very much part of the gang when we go out for the day and things like that. But when he was smaller I had the days at home with him, with the older two at school, but they were so happy to see him when they came home. Juggling the school run was always a bit tricky but he was quite flexible, and also we were in lockdown for large chunks of his babyhood so I wasn’t having to take the kids to school anyway. That was hard in a different way as I’m sure you can imagine! I didn’t think I wanted such a big gap between numbers two and three but I’m glad it worked out that way. Managing one child throughout the day feels like a luxury compared to juggling a baby and toddler.

Original poster

Mumplum1 · 06/07/2021 17:59

@himawarigirl Yes that has been me reading through any info I can find Lol

Thank you for your response, I can imagine alone time to appreciate those newborn cuddles must of been nice 😍

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Chelyanne · 06/07/2021 18:52

Ours are 15, 10, 9, 6 & 6. Got another due in August too. The 3rd and twins have a couple of months short of 3 year age gap and it was fine as a gap, full on but I coped and my dh is military so away a lot. Tbh though the 1st and second having 5 years was hardest but that was more down to her spending so long as an only child and grandchild on both sides, jealousy was a big problem in the early days. Our youngest 2 are very excited to become big sisters.

blondie87 · 06/07/2021 19:33

I completely understand how it feels to be deliberating over this- I had two children very similar in age to yours. I went over all the pros and cons endlessly of a third but really each situation is different eg type of employment, family or other help locally, financial situation etc so I’d say definitely consider these.
I went on to have a third and it has been significantly easier than I thought but that’s not to say it’s not a big step up going from 2-3 children. I did have my third last year so I was contending with home schooling and a toddler in the mix but we got through.

There is three years between DC2 and DC3. Between DC 1 & 2 there is just under two years. From my personal experience, I have been really happy with the age gaps and I wouldn’t have wanted a bigger gap between numbers 1 & 3. This is mainly from a long term perspective with things like days out, family activities and not wanting to do the primary school run for years! I am glad the gap between 2 & 3 wasn’t smaller though, as I would have struggled with two toddlers on top of a young child. The older two are slightly more independent and have been brilliant with the baby and very helpful!

Original poster

Mumplum1 · 07/07/2021 17:39

@chelyanne you must be really organised with 5 and your dh away alot, how lovely(but hard work i'm sure) to have twins! And i'm glad to hear you found the gap good.

Congratulations on your newest baby on it's way! 🙂

@blondie87 Nice to know again that i'm not alone in this crazy confusing dilemma phase. 🙂
Yes that is a good point, i keep thinking of the difficulties with a newborn plus 2 children, I will try to give what our long term family dynamic will be like more thought.

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