When did you crack the routine??

[JuneBugHug]

With your DC in terms of nap time, bed times, eating times etc...

Because I feel like I'm just making a dogs dinner of the whole thing but perhaps expecting too much too soon.

My son is nearly 6 months and I feel like we don't even really have even the hint of a routine yet and just take every day as it comes.

Naps are still just whenever throughout the day, I try to keep meal times (just started weaning) to certain times but usually end up messing that up, same with a bedtime routine.

I feel all over the place and like I'm just messing it all up.

When my kids were 6 months I tried to work out how long they could go in between naps. Once I worked out it was about say 2 hours, then I would just wait that length of time and take them for a walk in the pram until they fell asleep and then repeat.

We started a bedtime routine at around 6 months. So basically bath, bottle, bed. I think initially we put first child to bed around 830, then over time realised she was getting overtired and we kept making bedtime earlier and earlier and eventually settled on about 6/630. I can't say it always panned out brilliantly but we gave it a go.

In terms of meal times, my kids are now 4 & 1 and I still don't have meal times. Whenever they whinge for food, I just give it them 😂.

If it's any help though, I still feel all over the place! I don't think that ever changes!!

Some babies aren't routine babies. DD always did whatever she wanted, whenever she felt like it. DS put himself in a fairly clear routine quite early on, he got hungry and tired at predictable intervals. If your baby is reasonably well rested, well fed and has periods of contentment and alertness between sleeps and meals you're doing absolutely fine.

Age 1. Started sleeping through the night 7-7 and one nap around 1

Thank you for the reassurance!

He does sleep through the night thankfully but I'm having a nightmare trying to get him to nap anywhere but on me/in his pram during the day!

We have a sort of bedtime routine in that we have a bath, story and bottle but there's no set time yet. I feel like because his naps are all over the place still sometimes he'll not be tired yet at bed time whereas other nights he'll be tired earlier if that makes sense!

Basically he'll sleep amazingly if I'm there. But not if I leave/put him down.

Meaning he's basically sleeping on me downstairs from 8ish onwards until I go to bed and take him with me.

I'm 3 years in and still haven't.

Don't put pressure on yourself OP

And honestly, I prefer it that way.

I have a child that'll go anywhere at any time and one that doesn't fuss if something hasn't happened at a specific time/I don't feel constrained by a routine.

No routine has worked fantastically for us

@JuneBugHug

Basically he'll sleep amazingly if I'm there. But not if I leave/put him down.

Meaning he's basically sleeping on me downstairs from 8ish onwards until I go to bed and take him with me.

So you do actually have a routine then. It just doesn't look like some baby book tells you it should.

We were never ones for a routine. We noticed DS would usually nod off about the same time after a week or so of him doing it so could plan our evening around that.

Agree with everyone else - don’t put pressure on yourself. Routines help you structure the day for you, but if it makes not working and you’d prefer to go with the flow, then do that.

When mine started nursery at 10 months ish, he slotted into their routine quite well but I’ve never managed to stick to it on non-nursery days, mostly because we’re usually out and about, so a nap or food happens in the car or pram or when we go to a coffee shop etc. But it all works out. Provided they’re getting enough sleep over 24 hours, and eating regularly, you’re doing fine. If you’re missing time to yourself in the evening, then you can try to start a gentle bedtime routine - just do the same things at the same time consistently - and see how well it works.

About 8 months for DC1. With DC2, mealtimes were regular more or less straight away after weaning at 6 months (due to fitting in with DC1). At 13 months his sleep is still a shitshow though...

You're not messing things up by not having a routine! I remember worrying about the exact same thing. I felt like I should have a time for everything but every day was different. I think we started to get a rhythmn to the day around 5ish months but this was not a routine, just a very rough rhythmn. Things then got better when I started timing naps based on awake time (I used huckleberry but you now have to pay for premium to get this function). I would say it was only until 8ish months that we had more of a proper routine, when my dd dropped down to 2 naps. It's easier to plan the day and have a routine when naps are more spaced out! Even now at 10 months, I do not go by the clock in a strict way. I still time naps based on awake time and I know for example that she needs to sleep until about 4 for her second nap to make it through to bedtime at 8.

However, some people don't have routines at all and that's fine!! It's whatever suits you and your baby. Don't feel like a failure for not having a routine. Sometimes it's easier not to be so bound to the routine anyway as you can be a bit more spontaneous with your day.

About 3 months for my dc's but we all preferred life with a routine.
Variation of bedtimes between the 3 of them of 6pm-7:30pm and then through till 5:30am/7. (Dc 1 slept through at 6 months, ds slept through at 2 years old and dd2 slept through at 9 months).

They all had around a 40 minute morning nap about 9ish then a main lunchtime one for 2 hours anytime between 12-3.
I usually made plans to meet friends/go places in mornings as that was when I had my energy as well.
We'd have days especially weekends where we more flexible and timed the long nap for when they could be in the pram so weren't tied to the house or anything.

Lots of people are not a fan of routines but for me that lunchtime break was a godsend and having my evenings to myself was what helped me survive the early years of parenthood.

I feel very lucky that I was a parent before the internet and all these notions of perfect parenting. One thing that I would say is that you should remember that with DC1 one has all the time in the world for encouraging naps etc but when there are more than one DC there isn't the same luxury and everyone survives.

I guess I was lucky in that DS fell into a routine straight away (I followed GF - hated on Mumsnet ). So the first night we were back from hospital I put him in his Moses basket around 7pm .. and he slept ... I never got into the habit of feeding or rocking him to sleep ... but if he hadn't fallen asleep so easily then I guess I would have had to do it differently - and I never had another baby so I can't test out the theory!

In my experience any time you do get a routine sorted something happens and chucks a spanner in the works so it's best to just go with the flow as much as you can.

“Routines” are never static and evolve all of the time. Life is more joyous and less stressful if you keep it loose and go with the flow. Your baby sleeping on you is an important investment in attachment and bonding which builds their emotional stability.

The “routine” (pattern) of a 6 week old, is different from a 3, 6, 9, 12, 18 month old as is different from a 2, 3, 4 or 5 year old .... or for that matter a teenager.

If you think of feeding it goes from roughly 6 times in 24hr to 3 meals over time and night sleeps go from 4 hourly to 6 to 8 to 10 ... 12 if you are lucky. Same with day time naps from frequent to two shorter ones either side of lunch to one longer one after lunch once they crawl/walk become more physical.