co-parenting with an abusive ex - need message monitoring intermediary

[jumpupanddown]

Hi,
My ex is unfortunately very abusive in his messages to me and I can't deal with receiving essays of hate anymore. As far as I am aware, he doesn't do this with the children thankfully. We have a child with SEN and an arrangement where he has them three times a week. It isn't practical not to speak ever, but every time I let my guard down I suddenly get an essay filled with spiteful insults and it floors me for days. I can't go on with this. We have tried Our Family Wizard which is an app with a tone monitor, but he evidently spends hours finding ways to be spiteful and abusive so it doesn't flag the monitor. What I need is a service where a third party reviews correspondence to check it's ok to send to the other person, but they are quick to respond. Does this exist? I'm otherwise at the point that we have to go through lawyers only, which will cost a fortune.

If there isn’t a service I think it would be a very viable business idea. Something along the lines of a subscription service where messages are sent to a number and checked before forwarding on. Something like £10-15 a month for the service, I would personally happily read the messages for you and send them on if appropriate and if they aren’t send them back.

@OurChristmasMiracle What a particularly wonderful response. It made me a bit teary what a lovely person you must be to have replied like that! I don't think I could put you through that, or get him to sign up to the idea of anything other than an official service, but just wanted to say what a truly great person you must be to have suggested it. I imagine if someone did do it as a business, it would be quite a hard emotional one, though it would do something massively helpful for people. I'm positive I'm not the only person in this position!

I’ve dealt with an abusive ex and actually I think someone outside of the situation who doesn’t know you will literally see it as just a nasty little man having a rant because he can’t get his own way and you are better off without him and he can see that!

Yes - this is exactly what it is and every time my head says to ignore it, but somehow it emotionally floors me for ages afterwards. Every damn time.... Sorry you have a dud ex also. It's so depressing!!

Can you give feedback to the app you use and see if they will work with you to improve it and stop him from being able to get round it? It would surely be in their interests to clamp down on abuse of their service and I bet he's not the only arsehole doing this...

Sorry you are having to deal with this x