4 year old birthday party

[moovinon]

Could you help me please!!

It is my Daughters 4th birthday in a few weeks and we will be inviting her friends over for a party. It is my worst nightmare trying to host. I hate big groups of people and it is just not natural for me to "be in charge" (can't think of a better phrase) and offer everyone drinks and food and mingle etc. I would rather chop my leg off, but my Daughter is so sociable that she will love it.

Firstly, what sort of food would you put on? Maybe sausage rolls, mini pizzas, picky sort of food for everyone? Gets some beers and Prosecco in for the adults?

Secondly, we have a large group of friends with kids the same age who we always hang around with. We have said she can invite 3 friends from school as well. The awkward bit is what do we do with family? Would you have a proper birthday party with friends on the one day and then invite family over for coffee and cake the next day? I just don't think it works having family and friends at the same time? My family are incredibly anti social and struggle in groups etc, whereas my partners family are very sociable and would probably enjoy it, however MIL would take over everything. As much as I don't want to host, I also don't want MIL to do it.

Anyway, what would you do in terms of family/friends coming over & also please tell me what sort of food/drinks you would put on offer!

Thank you!! Not panicking at all...

My son just had his fourth birthday and we got people to drop the kids only. Just had party games and make chicken nuggets and chips. We had a piñata and it was all over within a 2hr frame.

I would definitely do friends and family on different days respectively and communicate clearly with family when they can or can't drop by.

@Hirewiredays great, thank you!

I would love to say kids only but my partner is really good friends with all of the children's Dads so I don't think I W

Sorry didn't manage to finish that sentence!! Just basically my partner is friends with all the Dads so I don't get a say in that one unfortunately!!

Great idea about the piñata!! Chicken nuggets and chips sounds perfect! Thank you

Also if I say a set time for the party like 12-2 does that sound rude? I imagine my partners friends would stay all day otherwise.

Pretty much every kids party we've been to is 2 hours with specific times on invite. Some run a bit over, especially if at someone's home, but generally most people are gone by 2.5 hours. The standard where we live is parents stay until children are 5.5-6. Only the occasional parent drops and goes before 2nd year of school. If parents are staying you tend to get more siblings too. We do family plus friends, but we don't have much family between us.

Hello,
So, the local protocol where I live is very clear! (South England, middle of the road class). These are the Rules:

• the party is for your child. At last, she is old enough to appreciate it. It is very acceptable for it to be totally “about” the birthday girl, not a party for your adult friends. If it is a party with school friends invited I would entirely expect it to be a child focused party.

• you should consider how the kids will be entertained, if there is a mix of kids who won’t know each other. Maybe a few balloon games, some dancing, musical chairs. Doesn’t need to be anything fancy. You could also have a little craft table at this age, so the kids can sit and do something crafty (go on one of the hobby sites like Baker Ross and see what is on offer) which is great when they are really hyper or feeling shy or have a falling out with someone and start to cry.

• it isn’t a Birthday Party if you don’t play Pass the Parcel. And yes, there should be a gift for every child.

• At age 4 many kids are shy, so expect at least one parent to stay. (This is great as parents will naturally step up to help hand out food and drink and sort out squabbles or take kids to the loo). If kids have a sibling and you like the parent, you could ask if they would like to come too but it isn’t obligatory.

• have a separate family party. Definitely. But do consider asking a relative or two to come and help you run this party. It is incredibly helpful having a helper to bring out trays of food, help slice up cake, make tea and coffee for the idiots who want it, clear up spillages. This frees you up for being hostess (entertaining a lot of 4 year olds and appearing relaxed can be hard work)

• alcohol rarely or never served at kids parties at this age. (No idea why. I tried it once and got shocked looks and every single person said “no, I’m driving”. Somehow this seemed to change by about age 8, apparently at this age we don’t give a damn any more and happy to get a bit trollied). If your adult friends are likely to expect a drink STILL expect to offer parents a soft drink, there might even be some people who want tea or coffee but don’t offer this!!! as it is irritating as distracts you from hosting the party (if possible find a tame mum or dad or friend and ask them to run the kettle for you). But have a spare bottle of milk in the fridge in case everyone thinks coffee/tea is the right thing to drink.

• food should be entirely child-focused. A meal of some kind is expected, even if the timing doesn’t suggest a meal would be served. Parents will help polish off what’s left. Do NOT put bowls of nibbles out unless they are healthy as the kids will just devour them and grind them into your carpet/lawn. Save the food up for a buffet/sit down. Bring the savouries out first, then sweet stuff. If you don’t have enough table space, put out picnic blankets. You don’t want kids wondering around eating. The food is basically the only time the noise won’t be absolutely deafening.

• Make sure you have made up a big jug of water and a jug of orange squash at the start of the party. Allow for 3 cups per child, so the kids can have a drink while they are tearing around, and when they have lost the cup you can smile and hand them another.

• parties are two hours long at this age. After two hours, four year olds tend to be over excited and worn out which is a bad combination. People will probably hang on longer, but there is often a drift towards going home at most after 2.5 hours. If you are left with a handful of friends hanging on, they will help you clear up. That’s nice.

• Aim to feed the kids about 40 mins Before the scheduled end of the party. Then they have time to eat, you can light the candles on the cake while they are polishing off biscuits and fairy cakes, sing happy birthday, leaving you a frantic 20 mins to cut the cake and wrap slices in napkins for the party bags. It is fine to feed them at 3pm or whatever random time it happens to be. They will, weirdly, be hungry whatever time you pick.

• Food follows the inexplicable rule: ALL the jam sandwiches will go first, even though your child never eats jam sandwiches at home.

• Ham, grated cheese, strawberry jam sandwiches, crisps. Keep it mainstream and simple.

• Beware food allergies and vegetarians/vegans, make sure you have asked all your guests in advance. Expect people with gluten allergy or serious allergies to offer to bring their own food - this isn’t rude. You could try and have a few gluten free bits and bobs to make the child feel included but often it is too risky for them.

• Chop up sticks of cucumber and have a large bowl of cherry tomatoes. At four, children actually do eat a lot of the healthy food (this changes in a few years). You don’t want to fill them up entirely on sugar, trust me.

• a huge fruit platter is a good idea. If you have grapes, slice them in half otherwise someone will actually complain to you about the choking risk

• all food ready in advance. Anything that can’t be largely prepared in advance, don’t serve it.

• mini sausage rolls, cocktail sausage, mild cheddar cheese cubes etc are often popular. I suggest don’t aim for pizza if you have a lot of people - FAR too much stress cooking it, cutting it up etc. You don’t want to be tied to the kitchen.

• a plate of party-friendly biscuits as well as a plate of fairy cakes is obligatory. Bonus points for home made cakes, but actually NO ONE cares if they aren’t. Least of all the kids.

• Party bags. Even for a party where there are lots of adults.

Anyway these are the unspoken rules where I live! No doubt people will rip into this list and say, “god everyone drinks GALLONS of Prosecco at my parties”, but honestly where I live this doesn’t happen. We save the Prosecco for when the kids are in bed.

Oh and I forgot to add, in my incredibly long post, if you start handing out party bags, people start leaving. And once one person goes, suddenly lots of people go.

Oh and really one last thing - make sure you don’t miss the moment the cake is carried out, song is sung, and the birthday girl makes her wish. It’s a beautiful moment, even if you are incredibly busy, make sure you’re there. One year, my sodding DH lit the cake and took it out while I was on a toilet run for the umpteenth time with one of the kids. I missed the whole damn thing! So disappointed. He said in his defence, “you were running behind schedule.” Screw the schedule. Be there for the cake.

I would do it separately based on what you’ve said about them and you own feelings on it.
Have you arranged a time for the party? I’d do it 2-4 so that it’s not over a meal time then provide pizza, crisps, sausages rolls, mini sausages and birthday cake. People won’t be expecting their child to eat a meal and that’s plenty. For adults Prosecco and beer are a nice touch.
It’s normal to have a set time for it and people will leave based on that in my experience. Also I’m a big fan of party bags as it helps children leave without a tantrum; doesn’t have to have amazing stuff in it but it always gets my DD out of the door.

Personally I wouldn’t rely on restrictions being fully lifted as promised.

OMG I thought motherland was a hoax.

There's no effing way I'm doing all that crap for my 3 DC.

You poor person. Get new friends.