Slowly loosing it - Help.

[SteakChips]

I'm a new mum to a 11 weeks old and I'm starting to loose it or am I just being to hard on myself. I've always maintained a clean and tidy house but since have my DS I'm struggling to keep up. He is very needy, always wants to be picked up or have someone interact with him. When he naps during the day it's 30min if I'm lucky, which leave me not a lot of time todo things around the place, or I start it and leave half way and make the place look more messy, or the only time he sleeps longer if he is in my arms. If I then move him into the cot he wakes, even though he is in a deep sleep.I do leave him to self sooth and he gets him self into a state. I've tried putting him in a sling but he cry's at that cos I'm picking stuff up etc. I can't afford a cleaner, my parents don't drive and lives an hour away, my in laws are close but father in law is poorly and my husband works very hard and long demanding hours. I just don't know what else to do? The dust is just piling up to the point I can write my name, everything looks out of place, also we are trying to move and have house viewings. I don't even have time for myself, I get dress, barely run a comb in my hair. I just want to cry and I need some schedule to sort life admin. Oh to top it all off he is teething as well. Can any one help or have pointers.

I know this seems like it’s just what life is like now, but it is temporary. You will be able to put the baby in a bouncer for longer and longer and get more done. The crying reduces over time. This is life with a baby but it will pass. Try and forgive yourself for the messy house knowing it won’t be forever.

It's normal but really hard. With my second I practically counted down the days until I could back carry and put them down for a short period with some toys. It should get better as baby gains more eyesight and ability to sit.

Its really difficult trying to move with small children, I put mine on the market just after my second was born and have just moved this week.
My top tips are eat easy to prepare food including some ready meals. Do not cook anything greasy or smelly that makes a mess. Use frozen veg.
If you have ore than bathroom/loo only use one. Thats one room less to clean. If you have a dining room keep it viewer ready and don't use it. Ditto spare bedrooms

Will he sleep for a bit longer in the pram in the garden, both mine would. The sling I found better after about 3-4months with my first. My second at 5 months when I put her on my back early!

I had best bedding and pillows with nice covers on in the wardrobe so I shoved the stuff we were using under the bed and spread the nice stuff out.

Have some places you can just put stuff out of sight. The car boot can be useful for this
Good luck

that should read more than one bathroom

You have to try and lower your standards temporarily.

Try and think about the bigger picture. You've made human life. You're now nurturing that life. That's pretty incredible. When you're on your deathbed, you're unlikely to look back over your life and think 'I just wish my bookshelves had been less dusty for that brief 6 month period when my baby was tiny'.

It doesn't matter. What you're doing is more important.

And if you can possibly wait to move, then do. Don't make life harder than it needs to be.

Are you a single parent? If not then your DP needs to be picking up the slack.

My DS1 one was like this. My house when to shit for three years TBH. Its not what you want to hear, because I didn't want to hear it back then either. But its for the best for everyone if you give up on the house for a while and do what you need to survive each day right now.

This is completely normal

You’re trying to do too
Much I think. Little babies like yours rely on you for everything at this age and we know it’s tough, but they’re just doing what they do. It’s not a case of them being ‘needy’ as much as they do really need you!

Do you have a partner? They’re going to have to pitch in and do at least their fair share at the moment because you have so much else going on.

Relax lovely, it won’t always be like this, just do what you can do.

Agree with PP that your husband needs to step up. Maybe talk to him about how it makes you feel.

I have a husband and he helps out massively, especially when he gets in from work.

You need to rephrase it. Your husband shouldn’t be helping out. In normal times he should be doing half the work in the house but it’s not normal times. He should be doing the vast majority of the housework.

@Fitforforty my husband has always pulled his weight with housework and the baby, he the one keeping the roof over our heads while I'm on maternity leave. He has a manual job and even when he is at rock bottom and tired he will take the baby so I can catch up on house work. This is why i was asking how people do it during the day while partners are at work.

My house is currently on the market. My kids are 3 and 6 and go to nursery/school most mornings for a few hours, sleep through the night and can be bribed with screen time and honestly getting the house ready for viewings and keeping it immaculate has been so stressful, I would be completely and utterly frazzled if I had a newborn.

It’s a stressful time. Hang on in there

Does he sleep at night?

@Caterina99 it's so stressful and he has started teething too.

@1990b yes he has finally started too. From his last bottle he will sleep 5-6 hours with a bottle in between that.

Just to reassure you, day sleep will follow. My daughter was the same, she would be awake all day, crying out of frustration because she wanted to sleep but she couldn't.

I would strongly recommend making day and night distinctions .

For me, it was as much natural sunlight during the day and at bedtime l would draw the curtains. My daughter has now figured out night and day, and sleeps during both.

I know how you feel, it is incredibly difficult and frustrating. But it will pass.

You can do this xx

@SteakChips I couldn't read and run, I wanted to send you lots of solidarity. I too am a first time mum but I'm a year ahead now and this really did touch me as I too felt exactly the same at this stage. I struggled quite a bit with PND and PNA (not to say you have this) but cleaning and general care not only of my home but myself really added to my anxieties. I still get stressed now when the house hasn't had the hoover ran round it and I too can draw a lovely little picture in the dust but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone with how you feel. When I had my little boy I'd spend hours at home and then when my partner came home I'd think what the bloody hell have I done all day?! One thing I did which really helped me feel somewhat organised with the house was to write a list of what I wanted to do that day. I'd alway have 4 things on there and it would be something like -
Hoover downstairs
Put the washing on
Wipe the sides
Clean the loo

I soon realised those 4 jobs would take me all day but after I did them I'd sit down with a little reward - cuppa and chocolate! And I had to be really quite hard on myself that if I only did 1 job that was okay, the rest can wait till tomorrow.
I completely get how you're feeling, especially if you're wanting to move too. But just remember you are doing your very best and that is more than enough.
Have you any friends who can come round to give you the company? I wasn't able to see anyone when I had my baby due to lockdown but now were able to it makes me realise how much the company was needed and those true friends won't mind sitting with your little one while you have a little blitz and even take 5 for yourself.
Hoping that helps, my pm is always open if you need a chat x

@Bluemeadowbaby Thank you so much, over the weekend he was a nightmare as his teeth was the major problem for him.

The list sounds like a great shout, also my DS has FOMO so I thought I try him him his sling facing forward as he not keen being in it at the best of times. He actually enjoyed it, well he was quite lol. I will give all This ago.

Thank you and everyone.