Why is my son rejecting my mum? :(

[november90]

Has anyone been through this. I'm heartbroken.
My son is 4 and he lives with me, DS2 and my mum and dad. Ex walked out on me during my second pregnancy but still sees children.
I've always been very close to my mum and I'm heartbroken to see my son being so awful with her. He won't engage in conversation, leaves the room when she comes in, bad behaviour with her etc. I notice it more when I'm around and I wonder if it is soemthing to do with him being very clingy with me or perhaps seeing her as a father role... I'm not sure. He is a lovely boy but this is upsetting us so much. My mum supported me so much in absence after what his dad did to us. She has been more then a mum, more then a grandma. She struggles to get out and about so my suggestion of her having special time with him on his own has fallen on deaf ears :(
Has anyone been here or has any advice?

It's my guess he is jealous of your relationship with your mum. Is he rude to her when you are not there?

Are you dealing with it appropriately when he is rude to his grandmother and misbehaves? He can’t be allowed to be openly rude and not behave when his grandmother is looking after him, and you should be supporting her with it.

Other than that maybe his grandma could spend some time with him doing something nice and relaxing like baking/reading.

I would guess he resents the adult conversation when she's around and perhaps the fact that she's not his dad.

Do you and your mum chat over him?

I certainly hope you're not allowing his rudeness to go unpunished. There needs to be consequences for this behaviour. Rudeness should never be ignored or allowed.

My daughter and my grandson live with me. He is almost three. He is a typical toddler with challenging behaviour, and very lively and bright. When we are together, he does not like his mum and me having conversation and will shout to stop us from talking.
He sometimes hits me and ignores me.
One day she gave me a manicure and he did his utmost best to stop her from painting my nails.
He says things like 'Mummy's house' when he knows it is mine, and if I ask him anything he will answer that it is mummy's and never mine.

We know he feels threatened by our close relationship even though he is the centre of our lives.
If he does or says anything negative she tells him off and say don't speak to Grandma like that etc etc so he knows she is not complicit.

When she goes to work and I look after him he is loving and well behaved. As soon as she returns he goes back into Mummy mode.

He is learning about relationships and sharing and unfortunately he is learning the hard way as we do not tolerate what he does.

When he is with other people he is well behaved and plays nicely with other children but if my daughter sees her single friends he goes into Mummy mode with them.
He will learn that his mother is always going to be there but he is so jealous of her other friendships. He wants her all for humself :)

Guys I'm not a bad parents of course I discipline. Do you have any idea how hard this is for me to see and also make a post about it, where's the compassion?
I was asking for experience not to be made to feel like I'm a bad mother.

Go back and read the responses to your post. No one has inferred you are a bad mother. They are simply trying to help.

Nobody has implied that you're a bad mother. People have offered you extremely useful advice.

My nephews loathed my dm. When they were older, they said she was more strict than their mum, kept interfering and telling them what they should be doing, was unable to relate to their world of school, computer games and sport, and they seemed unable to relate to her as a gran.

It's different from seeing a gran once a week, and being spoiled for a couple of hours.

Is your mum trying to be a second mum? Are they confused by her role?

Sorry guys if the comments weren't ment how I read them, to be honest I was just upset and tired!
I do think that he sees my mum as more of a father figure and as he's very close with me he gets jelous maybe? I'm not sure. I just feel for my mum because she struggles to get out to take him places on her own and we live together at the minute so o can't bring him round for special time together! She helps me out so much and has supported me massively when my ex has put me through hell, I feel like maybe I've taken her grandma role away from her and it's my fault :(

When his dad lived with us he would treat him how he treats my mum....

Good for you for coming back.

I think there are a few things going on. He sounds jealous if anyone taking your time from him. That could be understandable if he's had an unsettled time.

As long as you and your mum are on the same page and follow the same script when dealing with this you will be OK.

He is old enough for consequences if he does something you don't like...e.g. being rude. Give him a warning and if he doesn't improve the consequence.

Whilst your mum can't take him out maybe she can do something special with him in the home. Can she have nanny story time? Or nanny drawing together. Or something he enjoys? Make it a little routine.

Do you have another child? How do they treat your mum?