My body sucks at making milk - and that's ok

[randommum82]

Hi all,

I thought of writing this post because I felt maybe someone out there needs to read it today...

I'm a mum for the third time around. First baby, failed spectacularly at breastfeeding, he never latched. I pumped what I could, it was never a lot, until it ran out at 3 months.

Second baby, latched great, but no matter how hard I tried or how often I put him to the breast, my milkproduction remained low.

Third baby is a bit of a mixture, fussy, latches sometimes. Other times he doesn't. I pump and give him what I can on the days he refuses to cooperate.

I've come to the conclusion that I don't make enough milk, and never have, probably never will. I've tried feeding on demand (It'll increase your supply! Yeah right), pumping, power pumping, herbals teas, supplements, you name it I've tried it. I tried special diets and junk food, nothing has ever worked for me. Meanwhile Ihave friends who breastfed exclusively, or got at least 100-150 ml when they pumped.

The most I have ever got out in a session is 50 ml, that's 20 minutes total pumping on both sides. The most I have filled a bottle across a day with three pumping sessions is 90 ml.

I think I simply don't make enough milk, no matter what I try, and in ancient times my kids would likely all have not survived infancy - thank goodness for formula and bottles!

I wish breatfeeding consultants would acknowledge that sometimes you just don't make enough, rather than fobbing it off as a myth. I've been told so many times that my feeling that my milk supply is crap is a myth, in my head, and if I did xyz my milk would go up.

Believe me what I say i have tried IT ALL and not a single thing has worked. And that's fine. I feed my baby formula with a bottle and he's doing great.

So if you've had a similar problem, no, it's not in your head. You're probably like me. My body simply sucks at making milk, and I've made my peace with it.

Good for you OP. Enjoy your 3 children congratulations! So much more to being a fabulous mum than breastfeeding

Good for you for making peace with it! I obsessed for months, saw multiple doctors/IBCLCs etc etc and it really damaged my mental health and the early bonding between me and my baby . I wouldn't want anyone else to go through what I did

I hear you @randommum82. My first baby was premature and tiny, the pressure the nicu put on me to produce milk teamed with the fact that I have a hormonal condition and was recovering from both a c section and a life threatening illness meant little to them. I managed at most 60ml and it disappeared after 3 weeks and my tiny baby was formula fed and thats ok.
I never produced a drop for my second and thats also OK as he was desperately ill and there's no was I would have been able to survive having constantly latched and then vomiting it all up again until his surgery.
My babies were fed and they survived and grew, thats all that matters. I'm incredibly grateful for formula or my babies would have died a slow and painful death (my second was actually starving to death so I know that painful cry and also when it stops due to weakness)

I hear you OP and my experiences were similar. Just enjoy the experience of feeding your baby however you can, and don't let anyone judge you. Unfortunately, there will always be someone who does.

I always say my boobs are display purposes only. I tried EVERYTHING with my first. For months. Never established a decent supply. It was heartbreaking and so stressful. I felt guilty I couldn’t do this thing that was supposed to be “natural”.
Second child? Started to go the same way so gave up and put her on formula at about 48hours. Baby happy. Mum happy.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

My two children are late teenagers now but I still remember how hard and dispiriting I found breastfeeding. I never made enough, and one side didn't produce any so I looked really lopsided. I decided enough was enough when my second child regurgitated blood he'd ingested from my bleeding nipples. I still feel like a complete failure though, seventeen years later :-(

Sorry, should have added: PLEASE don't follow my example re feeling like a failure! Even now it's such a relief to discover that other women have the same problems I experienced. I thought I was uniquely rubbish!

Well done for three beautiful, healthy children OP!

My issue wasn’t quantity of milk but latch. DD1 had tongue tie and got so upset trying to latch and then the milk would dribble out of her mouth. It was also incredibly painful for me. Even after the tongue tie was fixed, the pain was too much for me so I moved to expressing and bottle feeding.

DD2 had no tongue tie so I was optimistic it would work this time. Nope. The pain was unbearable. I paid for a specialist to come and help me but I was dreading every feed and in tears throughout. DD2 was getting stressed because I was stressed. Back to pumping and bottle feeding.

Anyone who says you just need to persevere and makes you feel guilty needs to shut up and mind their own business.

I'm a FTM to a 4 week old, and I didn't even last a week of BF. My milk didn't come in until day 6 and I had the most pitiful supply. I was never going to be able to feed my baby.

In that week, DS destroyed my nipples with poor latching and the relentless regime of feeding and pumping the hospital had me on had a horrific effect on my mental health. I developed a real aversion to anything touching my nipples. I ended the week on strong antibiotics for mastitis.

The pressure I felt to continue to bf was immense and I still feel terrific guilt and grief at my failure. The NHS website made me feel 100% worse.

Until there is acknowledgment and support for women who struggle, and through no fault of their own are not going to be able to bf, there will be many who feel this way.

I have never made a drop. Ever. Didnt realise it was a myth!!

I'm sorry that we've all had the same experience, but I'm also a bit angry. This total ignoring of the fact that some women simply cannot physically feed a baby because their body won't cooperate needs to stop. I'm not NOT making milk on purpose! I tried everything!

Until a few weeks ago I still felt sheepish digging out the bottle when out and about, when friends would say 'Aren't you bfing?' Now I just say 'No'
'If you keep bfing though you'll make more milk'
'No I won't this is my third time around, nothing works. Bottle is fine' this is my mantra. No more guilt for me.

I'm sorry to hear that health professionals didn't believe you OP. I work in a similar role and it is an accepted fact that a certain percentage (estimated to be between 2 and 5% of women) cannot produce enough milk physiologically. Add to that those that may struggle with milk production based on many other contributing factors (blood loss at birth for example, etc) and that figure is probably rather higher. It's true that some women falsely believe that they don't have enough milk, based on lack of support/antenatal education in understanding natural newborn behaviour etc. But the very fact that this can often be the case, means it ends up impacting those that are experiencing the physical reality of low milk production and who end up feeling disbelieved or not listened to.

@randommum82 and all who've shared. I've gone through an almost hell over the past 8 weeks of my baby's life due to low supply.

My anger is with the NHS brainwashing you into BF which is great if you can but MASSIVELY HARMFUL when you can't. Every wall space in every maternity unit/office is to breastfeed breastfeed breastfeed.... So when you can't you feel like it's the utmost worst horrific thing to happen to you. The literature and posters are actually quite discriminatory to be honest... It's actually like a disability when you can't make milk, I wish it was acknowledged as such rather than brushed under the carpet with things that you obviously haven't done as being the cause. I tried EVERYTHING.

I think the problem is that whilst some women can't produce enough milk, the actual number is very low. Significantly more women think they can't because they believe baby cluster feeding/not being able to pump much/boobs never feeling full is a sign that they don't produce enough milk, which is nonsense. Antenatal education needs to improve so women know the difference between I really genuinely can't vs I am but I just don't feel like I am.

Both of which are an entirely separate conversation than the 'it's too painful/I've had enough/I just don't want to!' group of women, which to be honest is nobody's business but their own! Breastmilk is great and has loads of benefits and we should be supporting women to blah blah blah... but fed is best. That's all that matters.

I couldn't give birth. My body didn't know what to do. There was no listening to my body and going with the flow. My body was silently screaming, confused, and/or incommunicado. I tried birthing in water, every position going, hypnobirthing, walking, bouncing on a ball and so on. 70hrs across 2 labours and I had two emcs.

I felt like a total failure but many years later, I've gained peace over the whole thing.

My body sucks at giving birth. And that's okay.

I could never get more than 10mls pumping no matter what I did - it was absolutely soul destroying. I thought I had no milk. I also never leaked a single drop. But I exclusively breastfed 2 babies for over a year. For some reason pumping just did not work for me, and I tried every pump going.

OP of course I believe you didn’t make enough milk for your babies and well done for persevering in tricky circumstances, but just for anyone else reading this, pump output doesn’t necessarily reflect milk supply. I agree with the pp that proper education and support is so important.

My baby ended up in hospital after dropping 2 centiles. It wasn't picked up early because of COVID restrictions and I kept persisting with the breastfeeding because everyone said 'it's just cluster feeding', or 'hardly anyone has issues with milk production so it's soooo unlikely to be that' or 'breastfeeding non stop is normal - what's the problem?'. No-one to this day has been able to give me an explanation why my milk failed and if the relentless message of 'cluster feeding is normal' hadn't been pushed so hard, I would have realised that the amount of time she was on the breast was because she just wasn't getting enough milk.

Well said.

I was exactly the same. Tried so hard 3 times to ebf and supply never got above 4oz a day no matter what I did. When I had our twins I had formula from day 1 and gave all the milk I could get out the 1st 6wk too. I am almost 33wk pregnant again and will try to bf but have got formula in ready too. It's so depressing when people keep pushing the breast, fed is best no matter how you have/choose to do it.

Snaps for OP!

Thank you for your honesty and sharing your story. Im a FTM and i found bfing ast the beginning a nightmare. The guilt of supplementing with formula was intense. #fedisbest As long as your baby is fed, warm and loved nothing else matters