Stopping breastfeeding and feeling emotional

[Tucancrossing]

My little one is 9mo and he was EBF for 5 months, and around that time I introduced a bottle of formula in the evenings. He's always had milk direct from the breast and also expressed milk in bottles. For the past few weeks he's almost always refusing to feed directly from me. He won't even let someone else feed him his bottle, he wants to do it himself. He's baby led weaned so is never fed solids by anyone but himself, and is very independent in general. I've been pumping when he feeds for the last few weeks, but I'm starting to think that we've come to the end of breastfeeding and I should start cutting down my pumping and eventually stop altogether. The problem is I just feel so emotional about it all. Whenever I talk about it I start to well up. I guess I always thought that I'd be the one to decide when enough was enough, rather than him being done with it before I'm ready. I feel silly being so emotionally attached to it, it's not something I thought would happen tbh. I'd love to hear from people who felt similar and how long it took for you to get over it and move on!

When mine went to nursery at 12 months we stopped bfeeding during the day and just had first thing in the morning and before bed. A couple of months later I dropped the morning one (just for my own benefit really - I liked the thought of my first lie in in several years!). When she was almost 17 months, she got a dreadful cold and couldn't latch - she'd try but before she got a let down she'd have let go and be panting for air poor mite. And that was that, she didnt want it anymore. I suppose in my own mind I thought we'd keep going with the odd feed here and there until nearer 2, but more, I just thought it would be my choice and I'd know to pay attention and savour our last time, because I'd know it was our last time. I felt really sad initially but then about a week after stopping I suddenly realised a fog had been lifted off me. It was only by stopping that I realised how much bfeeding hormones had messed with me. I still feel a bit mournful when I see my friend whose son (same age) is still feeding, - it sets off a chain of thoughts about how quickly she's growing up- but overall I'm just pleased and thankful I was able to get bfeeding to work at all and have a happy healthy little girl.

I chose the night I stopped bfing with DS2, but I was still a bit hurt that he didn't seem to care. He had a cup of milk and a story on his sister's bed. I was trying not to cry.

What do you want to happen, if you could choose?

If you've got ok supply, you could most likely get him back on the breast, especially with support from a lactation consultant - in my case when my 8 month old started preferring bottles, I went back to a slower flow bottle and stopped pumping for a bit so it was breast first (and I was more engorged so had better flow) and it turned around in a few weeks, she ended up keeping a bedtime feed until I stopped it around 18 months.

However if you would have been thinking of doing it soon anyway and it's just naturally emotional, or are about to go to work and don't want to rock the boat, or just feel you'd rather move on - that's ok too, he will be just fine. It's natural and not at all silly to feel emotional, breastfeeding provides moments of tremendous closeness for many mothers and children, and stopping is also a sign of the passing of time, whether that's at 8 days, 8 months or 18 months (or more).

Thanks so much everyone for your comments 💕

@OverTheRubicon I think I'd always had his 1st birthday in my head as when I'd think about stopping, that way he could move onto cow's milk. But I am returning to work soon so stopping the bottle altogether isn't really an option, and I was planning to stop feeding in the day anyway, and only breastfeed him in the mornings and evenings. Everyone I talk to about it is saying oh wow, what great timing then etc. and I do see that side of it. It would be a convenient time to stop. The thought of doing a feed and it being our last ever feed is just heartbreaking, I don't know why. He'll still feed from me first thing in the morning at the moment, but only for about 5 mins, and only on one side, then the rest of the day I can't latch him on at all, he goes ballistic when I try. I think I'll try and keep the morning feed as long as he'll let me but cut the rest so I don't have to keep pumping. It's also just really convenient in the morning compared to jumping out of bed to make a bottle and try to cool it down.