New Mum Anxiety

[DA1987]

I realised yesterday that I love my son but I hate being his mum.

He’s 4 months and my first baby (much wanted and planned for). My husband is excellent with him, adores him and very capable of looking after him, and yet I am racked with guilt that I should be the one taking care of him. If I take 10 minutes to myself and I hear him crying downstairs I rush to check my husband is ok with him, which I realise is ridiculous.

If the thing I did two days ago to settle him doesn’t work the next day I beat myself up that I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m a bad mum who can’t even look after her own son.

I’ll contact my gp tomorrow but in the meantime has anyone else gone through this? What did you do? How did you cope? I just want to be present to enjoy my son, not worry that every little thing I do is ruining him.

Oh, sweetheart. So, so many of us have been here. The early days are full of hormones, lack of sleep, a complete change of life - all throwing you into a 24/7 job where someone's life depends on you, but nothing has really prepared you.

Please be kind to yourself. The Gp is a great place to start. I also suggest checking out the PANDAS website for info on postnatal anxiety etc. x

I could have written this. I’m a FTM to a five month old and I have days where I feel nothing but guilt and anxiety that I’m not doing it right, to the point where I am in tears. It’s good that you’re going to talk to your GP - I am in the process of seeking help myself because my health visitor thinks I have post natal depression.

People I’ve spoken to all say relax, if your baby’s needs weren’t being met, you would know, your health visitor would pick up on it, and the fact that you’re worrying about being a good mum means that you are one. It’s such a trip being a mother for the first time - your hormones are all over the place. Sometimes the mere thought of being responsible for a small human is too overwhelming. Mental health problems aside, I almost want to have another just so I can do it again in a more relaxed state of mind. I’ve heard once you have your second you’re throwing them over your shoulder!