Toddler a pain at dinnertime

[thelightishere]

I'm losing perspective on how to handle my nearly 3-year-old at dinner times so I'm reaching out to more experienced mums for some advice.

I would say DD has always had a pretty good appetite - in fact up until about 5-6 months ago she would try everything that we made.

Her diet is okay and she usually polishes off her breakfasts and lunches. Either me or DH sits with her for breakfast (we don't eat at that time as both of us are morning exercisers) and lunches are usually a picnic on the rug (just her) in front of the telly - I do this so I can get stuff done nearby while she eats. Happy to be told either of these practices is what's causing our dinner woes!

Dinner time - which we all eat together (apart from 2 nights a week when I work) - is usually an absolute pain and I'm finding myself getting more and more wound up. This is why I've said her diet is just 'okay' - because so many of the vegetables and proteins that she used to enjoy are no longer acceptable for her. She still loves things such as pasta, gnocchi, sweet potato fries, tomatoes… I'm struggling to find any other vegetables that she still readily accepts however she will eat broccoli by proxy if it's meshed in with pasta (for example).

Even when I make something that I think is foolproof, nine times out of 10 she'll find something wrong with it and causes a fuss and I end up making something else out of sheer frustration. I don't like the idea of sending her to bed hungry because I'm not sure she understands the consequences but I'm finding myself getting increasingly annoyed and unable to be covert about it at the time this happens, which I am ashamed of.

Probably worth noting that I had an eating disorder for most of my life (definitely recovered now) which I feel is skewing my perspective on this. Please help!

DD had this phase where she suddenly didn’t like anything that she used to like. I just rolled with it and if she didn’t like her tea I let her have some weetabix or toast. She got over it after a couple of months. I would stop cooking your DD a second meal if she doesn’t like the first one and just offer something like toast that she’ll eat but isn’t a faff to make. The last thing you want to do is make it a battleground and she’s not going to become malnourished just because she’s eating a slightly less varied diet for a few months.

pasta, gnocchi, sweet potato fries, tomatoes…

Just give her that then.
Don't get stressed.

My oldest started rejecting stuff just before she was 4. Prior to that she would have pretty much anything. I think she was starting to be influenced by other kids at nursery knocking back certain meals and getting a sandwich or a baked potato instead. I made a big thing about how i was looking forward to her being 4 because everything you liked at 4 you would always like. It seemed to nip it in the bud. Turning 3 might be to young to get this way of saying "that's it mummy has drawn her line in the sand" but until then don't make a fuss just "you don't have to eat it but that's all there is", don't try and bargain or give other food as a reward "if you eat your veg you can have pudding". Get her to help, even if it's just a wee stir or sprinkling in the chopped veg or herbs and spices. My DD used to like to add a secret ingredient to things like pasta sauce that her daddy had to guess (it was usuallly a squirt of ketchup). I know lots of chefs have brilliant ways of hiding veg but in my experience it's better to include them in the process and let them be aware of what's being cooked. Id rather face the wrath of Gordon Ramsey than be caught out trying to dupe a toddler

Does she like baby corn? That’s more of a sweet vegetable and might be one to try if she hasn’t already. The same with peppers?

I feel for you OP, it’s frustrating when they go off the healthy stuff. My DD is only poorly at the moment and doesn’t have much appetite at all; I find myself getting quite annoyed when she’s barely touched her lunch and only eaten the crisps, so I’ve stopped giving her crisps with lunch, I’ve also started making her lunch, and if she doesn’t eat it- it gets put up for when she’s hungry and offered again. I usually resort to snacks like raisins, fruit, crisps or sometimes biscuits to keep her happy and I think that where I’ve gone wrong, I got to comfortable with the fact she’s a great eater and wasn’t worried about giving her treats as she still ate well.. but she’s definitely got to the point where she wants those treats and her normal food isn’t good enough anymore.. so I’ve cut it out completely now. Until she’s back into a routine of eaten her veggies and eating a decent portion of her meal and not just one aspect then she doesn’t get treats.

She is only 18 months but I’m desperately trying to avoid a fussy eater 😭

Id rather face the wrath of Gordon Ramsey than be caught out trying to dupe a toddler

You have no idea how much this made me laugh when you know, you know...

Thanks for all the replies - I feel comforted and have some great tips to try. We have a kitchen helper (I think that's what it's called – one of those wooden step things built for toddlers so that she can help me bake etc) so I'm going to get her more involved in making our dinners and see how that goes.

I do worry she has too many tomatoes as it's pretty much the only 'vegetable' (or as close to veg as possible) she will eat) and all the stuff she used to love like broccoli, corn, peas, sweet potato (in a more pure form - she'll have some fries but not homemade ones), normal potato, carrots etc has gone out the window.

I just know I've started reacting terribly (possibly because of my own past ED) and needed to check in with someone other than my DH!

I think they do go through a phase when they are simply too tired by dinner time to be bothered and any fussiness is amplified. Years ago little children had the bulk of their food at breakfast and lunch, then a "nursery high tea" at about 5 pm. I used to give my DC their meal as early as possible after work/school because they couldn't wait any longer without getting whiney and difficult. I would sit with them and have a cup of tea, but would eat dinner later with DH.

I make a ‘tomato’ sauce that can go on pasta using a whole range of veg. Onions, celery, carrots, peppers, broccoli, tomatoes etc etc. Add some herbs. Chuck it all in a slow cooker for a few hours, then blend to a sauce consistence. Freeze in portion sizes. Serve on whole meal pasta, rice, noodles.

Also, stop the lunchtime ‘picnic’ in front of the TV. Sit at the table with her. Let her see you eat something - my grandchildren always want some of what I’m eating! Don’t over fill their plate - if they think they’ve got too much they can be put off.

No expert as my eldest is the same age, we've just decided not to make it a battle. In our case she acts up at dinner because she's not that hungry as she eats so much at nursery, so we just leave her to it and offer fruit. Half the time she then eats the dinner - yknow, once it's cold and sightly gross. The only thing we're strict on is sweet treats - if she's asking for chocolate or ice-cream after dinner, that's fine but she has to eat some of everything in her dinner first.

If your DD eats well at breakfast and lunch, I'd just try get as much into her then, and then at dinner just try get enough of something in to avoid morning hanger.