Should I continue to attempt toilet training?

[PippinStar]

My DS is 2.4 and has some of the signs of readiness for the last few months, such as asking for his nappy to be changed and telling us if it’s a pee or a poo (he doesn’t do it every time, maybe half the time). He pulls at his nappy often if it needs to be changed, and he’s very interested in other people’s use of the toilet / nappies / pee and poo in general.

Today, he told me he was peeing and asked if he could use the toilet. Since then, he has refused to put on a nappy all day, but he also now refuses to sit on the toilet (with insert seat) or potty when I ask. As a result, it’s just been accidents all day. He seems to pee every hour. He cries and refuses to use the potty / toilet when I bring him in around the time a pee is due, but then he’ll pee on the floor five minutes later.

Is this normal for the first day? I was hoping to wait until he was almost 3 so I haven’t really prepared myself for this. It was just when he asked to use the toilet and refused to wear nappies that I thought it might be time to give it a go.

I’m interested to hear what other people think and if they have any tips. My preference would be to wait, but I also don’t know how to get him back into nappies and he gets hysterical and runs away when I suggest putting one on. He’s very, very stubborn and strong-minded!

We tried when DD was a lot younger, but that didn't work out too well so we tried for real again a couple of weeks ago. She is slighty older than your DS for reference. She refused the potty and the insert. We then bought a double toilet seat and we are getting somewhere. Not completely there yet, as during the week she is at daycare and that seems to lead to a regression... we had a few accidents this morning and then wees and a poo on the toilet

If his understanding is ok, I would explain that he has to sleep with a nappy on, otherwise he may wet the bed. And of course, buy a mattress protector...

My 4yo was similar. Actually scared of the loo, as it turned out. Try to make it as normal and fun as possible- take him with you when you go, let him pull the flush, sing songs and give him tons of praise. If you can get him to sit on the loo even for a second, even if he doesn't do anything- lots of praise again and a reward (sticker chart or whatever works). Sit his favourite teddy or toy on the loo, read books about it. It took a while but mine did get over it! I'd say nappy at night is non-negotiable though! At least until he's reliably using the loo!

Thank you both. Nappy at night is definitely non-negotiable!! We’ve just had a couple of times where he has happily sat on the toilet and proudly announced “I did it, I did a pee” (when he did not!). But I have been giving lots of praise and he’s very pleased with himself.

I don’t think he’s scared of the toilet - he’s been sitting on it for a few months now after reading books about potty training, and we keep potties around the house. He also flushes the toilet all the time just for fun. I think it’s interfering with his fun to have to make it to the toilet.

I’m glad things are going well for you this time @StarsandStones and I’m jealous that you’re out the other side of this @RavenclawsRoar

Ah yes, the being too busy to go in time... we know that one too... We try and take her every so often. That sometimes work, if she needs to go AND is in the right mood. Otherwise we have a puddle 5 mins later.

What also may work is just to lift him up mid stream and take him to the nearest option, toilet or potty. And does he help cleaning? We actually put her in underwear so she feels what it is like being wet. But give it some time! When did you start?

As stated, we had accidents this morning and then at the start of the afternoon she was able to keep it in untill we took her to the toilet...

We only started today so I know I’m being ridiculous 🙈 But I didn’t want to start yet - he decided he wasn’t wearing a nappy and wanted to use the potty. He won’t wear underwear either, but I had him in joggers so he’d get used to the sensation of wet clothes but he took them off after the last accident and won’t put on another pair. Like I said, so stubborn!

I just hoped we’d have another 4-6 months before attempting it, so I’m not mentally prepared for this. Yet it’s hard to refuse him when he asked to use the toilet this morning.

Our daughter struggled until we got her a funky toilet seat we carry to use at home/out and about so she knows ‘can’t fall down’ and we used the nhs app poo goes to poo land which is awesome. Literally over night she started cheering her wee/poo going in potty / toilet and flushing it herself to send it to it’s poo/wee friends 🙈

Good luck it definitely worth it when you get there but it can be case of finding there ‘thing’ which makes it make sense/more control etc to them .

We had this with our son around the 2 year mark. He suddenly decided he didn't want to wear nappies and refused for a couple of days (fortunately it was a period when he wasn't at the childminder) so we like you started toilet training even though we'd planned to do it at a later date. He really liked wearing pants though. A few days passed and then he was suddenly fine with wearing nappies again (he asked to put one on) so we've kept him in nappies for now and will try again in a few months when we actually think he's ready. Could it be something similar?

Bribery worked for us. One chocolate button for a wee on the toilet, two for a poo.

I tried with both my boys at around 3 and neither were ready but when we tried again at 3.5 they both were excellent with very few accidents. I think they had some memory of what to do from the first try. It's like anything with men you have to plant the seed of an idea but let them think it's theirs!!

Give it a few days, its literally day one. If you don't see any improvement then go back to nappies - the novelty will probably have worn off for him.by then so the stubbornness will be less of an issue.

I hated most of the Oh Crap book but her four step method is good. For the first day or two you just have them completely bottomless and watch them like a hawk. You'll see their little signs that their bladder is getting full. For example, DS2 would turn his feet towards each other and kind of walk with his legs closer together.

Trousers without underwear is step two, and you only progress to it when you're catching a good few wees and you are confident you can spot their signs even without them being naked.

If he wants to use the potty/toilet then praise him even if he doesn't produce anything. If you think he needs to go for a wee then tell him "Oh the wee wee is coming, quick, time to get to the potty" but she doesn't advocate for timed practices.

If it's still just accidents after a whole day or two, go back to nappies and try again in a few weeks/months.

It's only day one. In agreement with BertieBotts, the Oh Crap method was great for us and we were done in days when I didn't think DD was actually ready.

Thank you so much everyone, you’ve been very helpful. I feel like I have a little sense of direction now with all the tips.

@Cardboard33 it seems to be exactly like your DS, today he wants to wear nappies and doesn’t want to go without them! So I am breathing a sigh of relief as it was all accidents yesterday, nothing in the toilet. I think he wanted the best of both worlds - no nappies but also having the convenience of peeing on the spot without stopping play!

I’ll check out the four step method for when we are ready to start, and I’m also going to start using the app @Honeydukesmum recommended as he seemed interested in it when I showed him yesterday. And I need to get another toilet seat to try as he doesn’t love the insert. So thanks again everyone, it’s all helpful to know and it’s good to hear everyone else’s experiences.