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10 month only cries at night for me

4 replies

PumpkinSpicedLatte · 26/06/2021 02:13

Hi, I’m at a loss and wondered if anyone could help please .
My husband left me almost 3 months ago, so I’m a single mum to our 10 month old . She stays with her Dad once a week at night & then every other weekend .
Her sleep is better than it was , thank god, but still your what I guess ‘typical’ baby sleep, which I obviously accept but the thing that is getting me is my now ex will say that she is sleeping through , or only wakes when her dummy falls out so he goes in to pop it back in then she sleeps until morning . We are talking 6:30-6:30.
She was breastfed but recently weaned herself just before my husband left , so before I put the wake ups down to maybe her waking for breast but since the separation she actually hasn’t had any breastmilk .

When she’s at home with me she will sleep for about 7 hours and then wakes up screaming and won’t settle . I go in, either cuddle and put down or just tap her chest but nothing works . I don’t underhand why my her dad says she sleeps through but she won’t with me ? It’s the same bed time routine and time.
The thing I am finding hard is doing this alone as I have epilepsy which has recently flared big time and tiredness is a trigger . I’m due back to work in two weeks so severe PND as well as seizures really isn’t the one .

I’d love some advise , if anyone can give me a reason she’s doing this then I may be able to deal with it with a better mental state. Rather than thinking she just hates me .

Thank you

OP posts:
CoalCraft · 26/06/2021 02:22

Sorry OP, it's so hard when you aren't getting who sleep Flowers

Are you 100% sure your ex is being honest about her sleeping through with him and not just saying it to make you feel bad? Of so then think about what's different between the two homes. Is get room with you cooler or warmer? Is her mattress softer or firmer? Does her dad skip naps during the day or otherwise use a different daytime nap routine? Does she eat differently? I guarantee it will be something like this and not you personally xx

PumpkinSpicedLatte · 26/06/2021 02:26

@CoalCraft thank you for your reply at this hour.
I have asked if he’s being honest and he’s said yes , he is in an apartment with his parents so I can’t imagine the neighbours would be tolerant of a screaming baby as it’s actually no children allowed .
She has the same nap times , eats the same food , same bedtime routine . The only thing I can think is maybe it’s lighter here as I’m on a main road , so I’ve just ordered some black out blinds to see . It’s just awful I am so alone xx

OP posts:
Somethingsnappy · 26/06/2021 12:40

I'm sorry you're struggling OP. One thing that jumped out from your post was saying your baby weaned herself over three months ago. It's very unusual for a baby of 6 or 7 months to wean themselves, without your input. It may have been a temporary nursing strike? The reason I ask is because it would be pretty normal for a breastfed baby to cry for mum during the night. If you're not there (when at dad's), there would be no point in the crying for you of course. It sounds to me like there is still something playing out from when she was breastfed during the night. I would want to get to the bottom of why she went on a nursing strike. Perhaps the answer would lie there somewhere So, no... Your baby absolutely doesn't love you less, in fact she needs you more. Could you have a cuddle and a drink of water for her in the night before trying to settle? How long does it take to settle her again? It's hard to help without all the info. Do you and your partner do things differently with a bottle before bed? Just thinking out loud really x

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MotherOfDragon20 · 26/06/2021 17:32

My almost 8 month old daughter stays with my parents maybe once every 2 weeks and has done since she was a few weeks old. She has always slept way way better there than at home with me and her dad. Same crib/cot/mattress/routine/white noise. Not Breastfed so that doesn’t explain it. The only thing I’ve been able to come up with is that when it’s me trying to settle her at night maybe she wants me to hold her and comfort her more than she does at my parents. It’s the only theory I’ve been able to come up with that doesn’t make me feel shit.

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