Anxiety being alone for the first time in evening with 2 children!

[gemloving]

Tonight is the first time I'm doing bedtime with my 2 year old and the baby by myself as my husband is out.

Toddler is still at the childminders, baby sleeping on me and I can feel how anxious I am, I almost feel sick. I know to some people this might sound like I can't handle my two children but due to the pandemic I've never been in the position having to look after the two of them - during the day, yes but not in the evening when it's bedtime. Baby is 7 weeks, toddler is almost 2 1/2. I can't even explain where the anxiety is coming from...

Tell me I can do this please XX

Of course you can, I’ve been a single parent from day one to 4 kids under 7 😱

Do you usually feel anxious?

YOU CAN DO IT!!

I had 3 under 3 and bedtime was always a bit hit and miss when DH was out.

Are you breast feeding?
What's your 2 year olds bedtime routine?

Can you get them both ready together. Read a story (or 5) whilst breast feeding baby (obviously harder if your bottle feeding) then put baby down to tuck 2 year old in?

@LoopTheLoops

Of course you can, I’ve been a single parent from day one to 4 kids under 7 😱

Do you usually feel anxious?

How did you have 4 kids in 7 years and also be single from day 1? Did you have them all by IVF?

Its taken me a while to get used to it since separating from my husband but honestly it's really not too bad. I get them both bathed and in pjs, read stories while feeding baby, then if she goes to sleep I take toddler to her room and feed her to sleep. If the babys taking forever I just lie her down next to us and feed toddler to sleep in my bed then transfer her later (or not if I'm going to bed myself). Its a bit of a juggle and we have the odd dodgy night but tbh my husband wasn't that much help anyway

I have had random bouts of anxiety with just one, usually when we are going out for the day. You absolutely can and will do this and wonder why you worried for! Don't put too much pressure on yourself, don't have time to bath toddler? Fine, they will survive a day without a bath. They go to bed 20 minutes late as you're busy with baby, what does it really matter? Hopefully your toddler has tired themselves out with the childminder and falls into bed anyway 😊 let us know how it goes but honestly you will be fine!

@LoopTheLoops

Of course you can, I’ve been a single parent from day one to 4 kids under 7 😱

Do you usually feel anxious?

Don't want to be rude but how have you been a single parent of 4 kids from day 1, where is their dad(s)

I meant with my youngest who is now 4. Sorry that that wasn’t clear enough 😕

Thanks everyone - your words mean a lot! I can do this!!!

@LoopTheLoops wow! & yes I am naturally an anxious person!

@CheeseIsATypeOfMeat sore topic! I exclusively express, I had the dream breastfeeding journey with my older DS and this one never latched properly, lost a lot of weight and I got very little support due to the pandemic so ended up exclusively expressing but I can express after both have gone to sleep, got enough milk in the fridge.

Routine is, 15 minutes Peppa, bath + teeth, change, stories, milk but lately he's been needing our attention when in the bed. I just hope tonight will go well.

@ShinyGreenElephant sounds like you've got a good routine going.

@Ohshittt you're right! Just breathe I suppose and if things don't go to plan 100%, it's ok!

@LoopTheLoops I personally think any single parent is a hero! Having no support at home must be so so tough!

you can do it.

take it easy, lower expectations to the floor & cut corners if needs be, breathe.

you've got this

I have two kids and a shift working husband, I should be used to it after 9 years in total but I still get the random bout of anxiety when I’m on my own with them!

Just do it one step at a time, don’t think about the whole process. So get the toddler fed, then the baby fed. Then maybe try bath time etc.

At the end of the day, as long as every gets into A bed at some point during the evening and falls asleep, you’ve had a real winner on your first night alone!

Just focus on the eldest’s bedtime and carry baby with you throughout. That’s the best you can do.

Totally normal to be nervous first time (and even subsequent times). I was terrified the first time I did bath and bed by myself with my 16 month old and my newborn.

Try not to stress, it will either go smoothly or it'll be a nightmare. But I promise you that you will manage either way and that the kids will be absolutely fine even if one of them spends some of that time screaming.

Good luck!

tip1:
if baby cries and you can't pick them up immediately that's fine.
don't panic.
they won't break because they are left to cry for a few minutes - within sight is best, but if that's not possible then put baby in cot and attend to toddler.

I had to do that about a thousands times (7 kids in 13 years).

tip2: if the crying of either or both increases your stress and anxiety use earplugs. if you don't have foam ones use rolled up cotton wool or tissue paper.
you will still hear the crying, but it will help you keep your nerves by cutting down the intensity of the noise.
I had to do this when mine were teething and were screaming straight into my ears.

I understand OP. My husband does a course which means he's out one evening a week. I was dreading it so much the first time he had to go after my DC4 was born.

Do you have a sling? That helped me. X

By the way, as an aside about the BF, did you ever get your baby checked for tongue tie?

Oh god I remember feeling terrified about the first time I had to do bedtime alone! It sounds ridiculous now as I have developed the skills but at the time there was so much trial and error about who to do first, what, when. And all what if big one does this or wee one does that. I think it’s easy to forget when you have experience of something that it didn’t always feel doable. But like others have said, you will survive! And yes be able to tolerate a bit of crying - doesn’t mean you have failed.

I haven’t had to do this yet and I’m wary too so you are not alone!!!! I totally understand the fear but I bet you will get on great!

I completely get this OP. DH works shifts asked DD2 was born in lockdown so I couldn’t ask for help from anyone so I did Monday-Friday bedtimes every other week by myself. I found it easier at first to try and time the babies nap to not long before the toddlers bedtime, that way I could focus on the toddler and then take DD2 downstairs once the toddler was settled. There were nights it was really easy and nights I was pulling my hair out. But the bad parts usually only lasted 20-30 minutes and then the toddler was asleep and it’s done.

how was it @gemloving?

I'd also suggest getting baby checked for tongue tie by somebody qualified. One of mine wouldn't latch and turned out they had 100% tongue tie so couldn't latch. Got that sorted and then fed until 21 months. There is lots of breastfeeding available online/through video calls so I'd see if you can access some support to get feeding sorted.

Bedtime wise - it'll all be fine. Concentrate on eldest and youngest will just slot in.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba thanks for checking in. Awful! We all cried at one point but it's ok! I felt like it was meant to go all wrong. They all slept eventually and hubby was back at 10:30pm. It can only get better 😅 I can laugh and joke about it now, I didn't feel any of this last night of course.

The joys of parenting x

🤣
hey, sounds like you aced it and you all survived!
I'm granting you a gold medal🏅