Hello, apologies if there is a similar thread out there - I couldn’t find one.. and desperate for some advice!
My almost 4 year old son (bday in 3 weeks).. has been going to his outdoor nursery since he was just over 2. He always went in easily - never any tears… although he did used to stand and observe and seem extremely quiet around everyone, even months in.
Over the past year the nursery have split the group of 30 children into 2 smaller ‘bubbles’. Last summer when this happened my son came to life and began to love going in…he asked to go full time (he was on 2 days and we moved up to 3 - days are 9-3pm), and loves his group of 10 friends.
A few weeks ago the nursery decided to join the two groups back together in the afternoon for 2 hours everyday. We didn’t know about this (the email had gone to junk folder sadly)… my son was horrified and I understood he didn’t speak or leave the teachers side all afternoon- even though he sees the children across the grass and at pickup. The following day the teacher offered for him to have quiet time with books on his own while the groups joined together but it just got worse.
He is now refusing to go in - even for the morning, and in spite of the fact the nursery have stopped the bubbles mixing in the afternoon this week (due to the delta variant), he won’t even go in with his friends for 5 minutes even though he says he wants to. He says he doesn’t know why he can’t poor thing. There seems to be a stubborn block in his emotions making him want to avoid the whole situation altogether.
We generally follow parenting advice from Laura Markham and Tina Payne Bryson - and tried to find easy ways to untangle his feelings and label them for him - and then move on to helping him find a way to try again. With the groups no longer mixing we assumed it would make things easier but he is completely frozen and can’t get back through the gates.
In spite of the current situation the nursery have even offered for me to walk him in and sit there while he plays.. we have discussed all his happy memories and what exciting projects his friends are doing, and he says it was one bad day- but we can’t seem to help him be brave and try again.
I don’t want to give in and bring him home as I don’t think that will help by encouraging him to avoid his fear.. so we stay by or in the car until the ‘lunch’ time and go home. He is struggling and honestly so am I - I desperately want to help him. With school starting in September I want to help him build confidence in himself and help with emotions - does anyone have any advice?? Has anyone experienced this?
I have seen lots of children crying and parents having to leave them and walk away at younger ages which I can completely understand and envisage experiencing with my younger daughter when she starts- but at my sons age I want to help him understand things as he is capable and refusing to go near the gates - I don’t want to damage his trust by forcing him and not listen to him when he tells me and trusts me with that. He’s obviously very conflicted and scared and frozen around it - I would be so grateful for any advice..
I think this could be an inherited social anxiety tendency in part - giving him the right skills feels so important so he can learn to manage it - would anyone recommend a behavioural specialist or any tips? Thank you very much in advance! Xx