Anyone fancy a moan about their 3 year old?!

[meow1989]

Tips welcome but I'm really just venting.

Ds turned 3 this week. He is the love of my life - he is bright, articulate, funny and so polite. He is super loving and loves cuddles and kisses, generally a gentle thing when required and I'm so proud of him. When he's good he's golden. He plays in his room at bedtime if not wanting to go to bed and will tuck himself in, he sleeps well though wakes early. Im lucky really.

But bloody hell 3 year old are sods aren't they?! Tantrums (somehow worse than 2 year old ones) screaming, hitting (today He purposefully scratched me when I said no to something). Occasional hitting or pushing others though this is generally better now, but is a big boy so it's noticeable when he does. Twice this week he has (not hard) hit a member of the public with a soft toy. Listening goes out the window and the relentless "why" has begun in a big way.

I know he's still a tiny little thing really and at 3 he can't control his big feelings (he's actually started asking me to help him stop crying when he's up and can't come down and a song works wonders). I know I sometimes expect too much because his speech is so good I forget he's little. I also know other 3 year old antagonise which can make tantrums worse. I try to pick battles and only make threats I follow through on. We've started introducing a minute on the stair to calm down when behaviour is bad and label actions as naughty not him. He's pretty much great at nursery but I know this is typical.

But I still feel like I'm this horrible stressy shout mummy who has no chill, even though people reassure me I don't shout and deal with things generally well. I feel like it's a battle between feeling like I need a break (before anyone says, dh is hands on and wonderful, but works more days than me so there's 2 days a week it's me and ds ) and maybe I'm not cut our for parenting, and feeling awful for this because he's so wonderful and I love him so much how could I get frustrated?

And breath... anyone else's 3 year old a terror?

Yes, hopefully coming out the other side now as DS1 is 3.8 months but for me it was like he turned 3 and a demon switch just turned itself on. It was relentless over last winter lockdown with nowhere to go and entertaining at home. Been through all that you say, the hitting the arguing and typical 'threenager' behaviour, it often had me in tears and at my wits end (also have an 18 month old).

However, I can recently see that he is slowly learning compassion and his understanding of what is right and wrong is improving. He still has a temper but I am hopeful we are turning a corner now.

Wanted to let you know you are not alone in feeling the way you do at all. It's very hard work. Made harder some days by bad behaviour. That doesn't make you a bad parent, just a normal one and doesn't mean you don't love your DS, of course you do!

Time out may not work. I read somewhere that when they are struggling with emotions then 'time in', for example with a cuddle can help them calm down and regulate themselves better. I'm not perfect though and have shouted and do shout. Sometimes, they just do not listen!

On the 'why?' thing, I read too it's best to try to explain as best you can no matter how annoying it is as they are trying to process their understanding. I have lots of why's too, today's was 'why do we have eyebrows?'

Can you do something for yourself as soon as DS is asleep, just something for you. Hope you feel better soon.

Oh dear I sense this coming with mine, he's 3 in a few weeks and very challenging at times but so lovely at others.
He can tell me he's angry (usually tired) and wants to cry. And so far he's only said I want to hit mamma and not actually done it.

I'm working on

1 giving choices
2 giving advance notice ( sometimes works sometimes we're in the thick of tantrum)
3 picking battles

Any tips would be helpful

Thanks @chocolatetrifle I know it's not a unique situation, and there are much more challenging children, but it's nice to hear all the same! Ds was such an easy baby so I guess I had it coming!

@lancslass17 it seemed that as soon as ds was reaching 3 everyone felt it was an ideal time to let me know that they found 3 harder than 2, so helpful! Your ds sounds like he has a good grasp of feelings thoigh which is fab!

This mornings mini tantrum (just a couple of screams) was because i tried to walk down the stairs at the same time as ds. Obviously this is treason. I do try to purposefully not let him get his way on silly things like this some times, even if its easier to give in! We've now gone from jumping on me in bed when I'd told him not to, to sitting beautifully on the sofa with one hand in my shoulder and wanting me to share to share his banana. Ratbag!