Nursery report on 13 month old has made me tense all of a sudden

[RemoteRemote]

Hi everyone, can anyone relate to the below?

My 13 month old has been going to nursery for 10 weeks. This week a ‘settling in report’ was uploaded to his EY log, it was a detailed report of Personal, Social and Emotional Development; Communication & Language; and Physical Development that they have observed from the beginning of this month.

He is our first child and as far as we were concerned his development has been normal for his age. However since reading the report we’re now worried it is not. One of the suggestions was we take him for a hearing test, as he does not respond to his name or make eye contact with staff when they speak to him. We know his hearing is fine, at home he will stop what he’s doing/look up when he hears familiar sounds of one of his toys making noise from across the room for example. From when he was tiny the smallest sound would make him turn his head. However I agreed we would ask the GP for a hearing test anyway.

Since reading the report I just feel sad that I’ve now gone from enjoying my little boy to analysing everything he does/does not yet do. Calling his name – he will look over maybe 1 out of every 5 times – then I’m wondering if he’s even responding to his name or would he always have turned around at that moment; wondering if he looks vacant when last week I just thought he was a fairly relaxed baby – but he does have his high energy moments too.

I’ve read so much on early signs of ASD over the last 24 hours and barely slept myself. I appreciate it is far too early to make estimations. Also it seems like a lot of the early signs are things 13 month olds just do!

I know I should be grateful they take each child's learning and development seriously but this is now at the forefront of my mind each day. I returned to work full time last month and everything has gone so smoothly, but now all I can think of is my son and hoping he will start to demonstrate these developments soon.

They’re doing their job. I appreciate it’s frightening but they are the child experts not you; and if they’re saying there’s a problem it’s always better to get it investigated.

The nursery are in wrong here. They should have called you to discuss these issues before they uploaded that report. Concerns like this shouldn’t come as a shock in a report. Hearing issues are not always a massive issue, something like 10% of children will have glue ear at any one time,, it’s when the ear canal is gets blocked with wax because it’s too small. Children literal grow out of it. DD1 had above average speak and nursery didn’t see an issue but I was concerned when she got to 2 yrs and she does have glue ear. As she is doing well and manages well most of the year she is just being left to it now and as her ears grow the problem will be solved. With glue ear the hearing can be great one week and not good the next. Hearing problems are also a spectrum so it maybe he struggles to hear when there is lots of background noise or maybe he is just overly interesting in his surroundings at nursery.

Get the GP to refer for a hearing test and contact your HV about your child’s one year check and explain nursery have some concerns and ask if they will see your child in person.

Agree that if there is a concern, the nursery should have rung you first rather than just uploading a report. IME a lot of small children don't answer to their name every time they are called as they are too busy enjoying what there are doing and don't want to be bothered. So I wouldn't jump to the ASD conclusion, but obviously do speak with your GP. Good luck

Yes! I can totally relate! We have had exactly this twice now. With dc1 not only would he not look, he would actively turn his head away and scream if anyone except me or DH spoke to him. He was also slow to talk and we self-referred to SALT on the advice of nursery. They flagged up some sensory issues too. Well, at about 2 and a half years old, he blossomed. He suddenly went from speaking mostly single words to sentences pretty much overnight. All his shyness and social quirks dissipated and now he's 4yo he is absolutely fine! He has, for the first time ever in his life, met all his milestones in his latest pre-school report and has been deemed "school ready" for September.

Now, my 2yo is being flagged for the exact same issues. We've just got the appointment for the hearing test, although I'm sure his hearing his fine, and he also isn't meeting the "joint attention" milestone like your little one. I will, of course, do what nursery advises but having been through this once I'm also aware little kids can all of a sudden come on leaps and bounds. What they are like at 1yo can totally change!

Please still enjoy your child - I wish I hadn't got so stressed out over dc1. It did really blight the age 1yo-2.5yo as I was always looking out for issues and worrying other people thought he was really behind. Determined not to do that with dc2! Maybe something will come of the issues now and we will need further intervention /referrals in the future or maybe he will catch up just like his brother. Either way, I'm going to enjoy his toddlerhood this time.

I know it's hard but try not to worry. Just love and play with and talk to your son as much as possible (and follow any advice from nursery/health visitor/gp of course) and enjoy this very sweet age!

Very bad form not discussing this with you firstly.
Try not to panic it might be his hearing, my DS could make eye contact perfectly he is autistic its very early to tell and usually has a host of other developmental delays with mood and posture issues.
Don't panic yet.

They should of rang you. Please remember they have only had a short time with your child. Baby is still settling in so may not be as chatty or involved. Also remember, you have a lockdown baby. Things may be a little slower.

I agree they should have spoke to you instead of writing on a report and that's it.
Hearing test will be absolutely fine I'm sure, my LO had one not long ago and afew friends LO's have had them and they were fine.

Your DC is so young and it's very early to even try and pin point flags to anything.
Speak to your HV, she'll more than likely come out to meet your DC and do a 1 year check.

If you google asq 12 months you'll find the one year check report (these vary in areas but not by loads, but it'll give you the idea of what they look for etc)

Thanks so much everybody for taking the time to respond. The nursery has stated I was meant to receive a phone call before the report was uploaded. An admin error on their part. Frustrating, but it's done now.

I have requested the hearing test via the GP and will contact the HV. Thanks @ApplesandBananas21 for suggesting I look at the 12 month ASQ, most of the answers to these questions I can confidently say he does sometimes or often.

Thanks again everyone it really is uplifting to read your stories.

My son didn’t respond to his name reliably until 15-16 months I’d say. He’s two now and no one has any concerns about his development. He’s just generally been quite a slow child. But I wish I hadn’t wasted a lot of time when he was younger worrying about things.

13months is still so so small and I know it’s a cliche but they all do things at their own pace. And I think the fact you can say he does most of the things on the ASQ is pretty encouraging!

Please, please, please, don't worry too much! He is SO young! I worried myself silly over DS1 as he barely said anything at age 2 and the HV was a bit concerned and then overnight around about when he was 3 he started speaking in full sentences. He's 17 now and on for 4 A* A-levels and is applying for Cambridge so I think for you, OP, it's FAR too early to make any judgement, just to keep an open mind and be observant rather than obsessive.

Oh, I also worried myself silly because his school weight check by the nurse in the infants wanted to refer him to Alder Hey children's hospital as he had an odd height/weight ratio (he was very lanky, but honestly ate loads - I've got a similar build myself and was similar as a teen). I'm so very thankful that a more experienced HCP was present at that school appointment, who took one look at me (same build) and said to the first nurse "You need to look at his mum to see why he's of that build - I have no concerns with this child whatsoever, he looks happy and healthy". DS was born like a frog with HUGE long thin legs, and grew into exactly the same build all through his life, until now (17). He's the same build now and eats the most out of all of us in the house (I'm talking a HUGE roast dinner piled up on a massive plate, then fills his plate over again with roast potatoes and gravy - skinny as a rake, the phrase "he must have hollow legs" was made for him)

Sometimes, despite good intentions, health practitioners can give parents the willies when it comes to their child's health checks if they don't conform to the "norm". But don't forget, the "norm" is only the average, and what's normal is actually quite a wide range.

@RemoteRemote how is your child doing now? I have similar concerns

Hi @Newmama232 apologies for the late reply, I don't check Mumsnet very often!

My son has very recently turned 3. He is displaying additional traits which has resulted in him being "officially" under assessment for ASD.

It was his 2-year check that actually kick started referrals to the development paediatric team. He scored low for social communication, speech, ability to follow simple instructions etc. The speech assessment came through first and we had that appointment when he was 2yrs 4 months, they agreed to refer him for SLT however its a 40-week wait on the NHS and so far we have heard nothing. We have paid for private SLT which has given us some great strategies and we've seen some pay off thus far - not loads, but some.

The development paediatric appointment happened when he was 2yrs 8 months, we were basically told he was very young to be under assessment - he doesn't display any consistent 'physical' signs of ASD - no spinning, hand flapping, tip toe walking - so it was agreed we would return 9 months later. Reading between the lines I feel the paediatrician was trying to tell me it seems like he would more likely than not have ASD, however they still need to give it time and there's a possibility it could be a developmental 'delay' with his social communication and understanding. I guess if there's not much progress 9 months on from when they first assessed him ASD is probably fitting.

However, he's a happy and healthy little guy. Very physically able and has tremendous balance and speed. He's also very cautious i.e. he runs fast but can stop in an instant if he realises he has to. He responds well to "get your shoes" and takes us to what he wants, i.e. I offered him a certain snack in the garden today but he took me back inside into the kitchen where he can reach the fruit bowl and took what he wanted instead.

I worry like an absolute wreck, but I'm also trying to be grateful that he's on the radar of the professionals, if he receives a diagnosis then that should help unlock extra support for when he starts school next autumn and/or access to a wider range of schools that may suit him better. I know there's plenty of people up and down the country crying out for an assessment.

Did they mention anything apart from what sounds like a minor concern about his hearing? Because it does sound from your post as if you've made a massive leap to ADHD! I'm sure if they had any significant concerns they would have talked to you about them.

Hi @CurlewKate sorry I don't understand the "massive leap to ADHD" part of your reply, could you elaborate?

I should have included in my post above - DS has had 3 x audiology checks (spaced out over the past 2-ish years), and is scheduled for another in July - was due to be in Feb where they "signed him off" but was moved to July. The first found minor glue ear when he was 16 months which had gone by the second check when he was 20 months.

@RemoteRemote I'm sorry- maybe I missed something. It sounded to me as if you were looking for symptoms the nursery didn't mention? Have I misread your post?

Her first post was in 2021. Now she has provided an update two years later.

@CurlewKate Erm…possibly! For every nursery report he has been marked as “emerging” apart from the physical abilities they would expect for his age. The nursery have said he is “different” and they’re some of the best judges I suppose!

@RemoteRemote I am so sorry-I didn't check the dates.