Am I doing something wrong!!

[Sitchervice]

My week olds been crying since 9:30. OH and I have been tag teaming to try and get him to calm, winding, feeding, changing, snuggles, repeat. He's breast fed and he's constantly asking for food even if he spits out the nipple, he instantly starts rooting again.

I feel like such a failure and bad mother I can't seem to stop him from crying.
Health visitor is coming tomorrow and she's going to see what a mess of a mother I am 😭

My boy was the same, turned out he had tongue tie so ask HV to check for that!
Even if it’s not, babies are fussy at that age - you are NOT the worlds worst mother.

You are not a mess of a mother. Your baby is probably cluster feeding. It's completely norma behaviour. (Not that that makes it easier!)
Strip baby off, strip your top half off and skin to skin. This will hopefully calm baby. Let them feed as much as they need to, they are calling your milk in more. The on off behaviour is classic cluster feeding.
You're doing amazingly well. Look after yourself.

I feel like the only mother unable to calm a baby. I know I'm probably not but tonight I feel crap.

I'm feeding him again but he's not really sucking. DH thinks baby boy is over tired.

I can't do this I really cant

I'm sorry. You're having a hard time. You are worthy and you can do it. Please talk to someone about potential post natal depression or anxiety.

Please remember that you're not alone and it's not your fault you feel this way. Hormones go crazy after giving birth and it amplifies everything.

It’s ok. I remember those days vividly a d not fondly at all! It will pass.
Baby is probably over tired and stressed, as are you. Can your dh take baby for a drive for half s as n hour? It’s amazing what a little break will do for you both. My first dc spent a lot of their first month being driven at night. It might make them drop off and then wake up less frantic.

I remember similar nights with my DD around this age. She would cluster feed for ages and then suddenly get inconsolable. Who knows why - maybe trapped wind or maybe overtiredness like your DH thinks. All totally normal, and you can do it I promise you. Maybe try the 'tiger in the tree' hold or putting baby in a tight wrap sling if you have one and walking up and down the road for a bit? Your HV will definitely not see that you are a mess, she has seen this a thousand times and will be able to help you. Sending virtual hugs.

Absolutely second the tiger in the tree hold. Over your arm. Hand holding tummy. Other hand holding back and rubbing.

Dd lived like this, I called her my little tree tiger.

Dummy? Might also help if looking to suck for comfort.

Yes you can, HV will sort it tomorrow, it's not long until she'll be here, you'll be fine, baby will be fine.

I have no experience to share as my only was in an incubator in SCBU for the first 10 days of her life, (she's adult now) but you've had replies from other mums who have been where you are, one suggesting you ask about tongue tie and the other suggesting skin to skin and both of them share your experience.

You are not alone, you can do it, it's not easy but you can

You've had 2 more lovely supportive replies while I was typing.

You CAN do it!

Oh love. You’re not a mess. You’re the mother of a totally normal 1 week old.

Might be colic, might be cluster feeding. Either way it’s absolutely normal for a newborn baby to be fussy in the evenings.

Hopefully you’ve now had some sleep and feel a bit brighter, but please be reassured you’re doing great. Newborns are just bloody difficult!

All across the country are other parents just like you, rocking and feeding and shushing their babies. We’re all rooting for you and for each other.

We managed to get him down around 3am. Side feeding. My son sadly hates being a swaddled so I couldn't do that. I'll look into tiger tree, sounds a little scary.

I really don't like my HV, she made me feel like a failure before I started when she visited before he was born. Telling me I had things wrong.

Please don't feel like a failure. Your son is so young and cluster feeding is totally normal. Also there are a load of hormone changes happening right now that will not be helping your mood.

You've got this and tomorrow is another day

You will get through it. Feel free to ignore but lots of babies love swaddling but resist it initially so parents stop. They need to feel safe though.. we used love to dream bags as the baby likes them and they were easier for us / she didn’t escape.

A hug for you OP newborns, especially unsettled ones are SO HARD. Nobody prepares you for it. Everyone knows toddlers and teenagers are hard, but for some reasons newborns are given exemption from that list

You are not failing him at all, you are being wonderful and responsive. A lot of newborns just go a bit (incredibly) mad in the evenings and ‘feed’ non stop for hours (and by feed I mean pop on and off, headbutt the boob, yank the nipple…anything but latch properly!) it’s called cluster feeding. Your OH is right, all the feeding makes them very tired and they get cross about it so get upset. You end up in a cry, feed, cry, feed, cry, feed cycle.

The main thing that helps is time, it does pass and relatively quickly. Other things that helped: feeding in a cool, dark room with loud white noise playing, feeding baby in the bath and swaddling on exiting the bath . Also, in between the feeding (if there is an inbetween) popping baby in the stretchy sling.

I would agree with a PP and say it’s worth keeping tongue tie in the back of your mind. If baby isn’t gaining weight well or your nipples start hurting please, please get it checked out - costs about £120 privately. NHS do offer the service but their is often a big wait.

All the best lovely x

Oh OP, I feel you I really do. It sounds like cluster feeding, as others have said and it is absolutely brutal! When I read about cluster feeding before having children, I imagined being curled up with baby on the sofa watching netflix and sipping tea. The reality was I sat in bed for hours into the night, usually sobbing. It does get better, I promise.

Personally I sucked at trying to swaddle babies, and they just got really upset. But got something called a miracle blanket off amazon and it worked a treat. DH became the master of the baby burrito.

Hang in there, and be kind to yourself, just think what your body has and is going through. Massive changes and events, and you have to look after a brand new human at the same time. You are doing a fantastic job. It is so hard. Mumsnet is a great place to get support and advice too. It really was a godsend for me during those first few lonely nights.

My DS was like that - he is 23 now! This is why we had a v big gap between him and DD!
What about wind?! We walked him up and down the stairs holding him after feeds - don't know if this is an old wives tale but it worked!

Just came back to say look up Lyndsey Hookway and Shel Banks on Instagram. They are IBCLCs who specialise in sleep (Lyndsey) and unsettled babies (Shel). Their pages are goldmines of useful information x

Hi, I hope you all managed to get some sleep. When dd1 was like that - rooting but not hungry, it waa a sign of wind, but not the east to get up in a few burps type, I had to keep her upright and over my shoulder for a good 15 mins after each feed. Plus colief helped too, religiously with each feed

Dont underestimate the power of skin to skin op.
You're definitely not failing. Your HV should be reassuring you today but if not, you can ask for another or decline to see them all together (I did for DD, they wernt helping me at all). Try and get some naps in today

On nights like that, I would take my top off, pop my baby in a stretchy sling and walk circles around the house. Being close to you helps.

You're doing everything right. Sometimes it still won't be enough to calm them down. All you can do is your best.

It's so hard. But you're doing a smashing job.