4.5 month contact sleeping only

[motherriver]

Hi, so my son is now 4.5 months old and I have been trying since he was 2 months to get him to sleep off me. He will only sleep on my chest, I'm talking day time naps and his night sleep. I've tried every single way I can think to get him to sleep in his cot/Moses basket/next to me crib, sofa/bed next to where I'm sitting. Nothing! He wakes up instantaneously when put down and screams. I've put him down awake, drowsy in a deep sleep, holding his chest, holding his hand, holding everywhere!!! I've tried mini bedtime routines (not that he sleeps for more than 2 hours in his next to me at night anyway!), tried picking him up and resettling him numerous times. I don't want to use a cry it out method, but I suspect that won't work as once I was out and he was in his pram and he cried for twenty minutes because he wanted me to hold him (I couldn't hold him at this point so had to leave him in there). I just don't know what to do now, I wanted to try and get him in his own room at six months but I can't see this happening at all. Also thinking the more he sleeps on me the harder it's going to get! He's getting bigger now too so it's not comfy for me and I know it's not as comfy for him as he tosses and turns to begin with trying to get into a comfy position. He sleeps very well when he's held. When I do manage to get him down and he sleeps for a few minutes then he does crazy stretches and kicks and wakes up crying. Does anybody have any ideas of what I can try? I don't mind much during the day if I have to hold him but it's just I don't get anything else done, but I need my nighttime sleep back!!!

Sorry just to add he does have reflux but is on medication for it, he lays on his back ok his playmat etc so I don't think it's reflux related that's his not comfortable...it is just he wants to sleep on me!!

That sounds rough, River. I don't have much advice, except that it's easiest at night to sleep train (using the broad definition) so put your energy there and don't sweat the day sleeps until you've made progress with nights. Come up with a plan, write it down and commit to a specific time to keep trying to (eg 5 days). Maybe find a book that fits your parenting style and use that as a guide.

I have a wriggler too, and a hand on the stomach sometimes helps calm the writhing. Maybe try that for the first few minutes until your LO is more settled into sleep? If that works I've seen weighted sleep suits advertised that might make things easier

Have you tried swaddling?

He's also likely now in the 4 month sleep regression which is a really tough time. I found that it was easier to put baby down to sleep once the regression was over. And once he could roll over himself, that also helped with staying in his bed.

@motherriver can you share how you managed to get him to sleep in his cot? My sun is 3 months old and I’m going through the same thing. I read that autistic children can go through this phase so I’m now a bit paranoid. Pls share here. Thanks!!

@Ju2017

Hi, so my son is 21 months now. Unfortunately I didn't manage to get him to go in his cot until he was about 9 months old. I didn't want to sleep train so I just continued trying to put him down each night but ended up just holding him so no advice really. Then one day it just clicked and he seemed ready, although it was still a battle and he came out in the early hours of the morning etc.

I haven't heard the autism association. I think it is just developmental in babies learning to sleep alone and self settle etc. some take longer than others and do it in their own time.

Good luck!

@Ju2017 have you tried warming up the crib with a hot water bottle? Works quite well with my LO as she doesn’t then immediately wake up when I transfer her to the cot.

Soon they will need to learn how to self settle. A very gentle form of sleep training to encourage this is a mix of shush pat and pick up put down.

So when baby starts to moan or cry, rhythmically shush and pat them. Stop once they calm and quieten down. However, if they don’t stop crying within 20-30 seconds, then pick them up and rock them until calm, and put back in cot. Keep repeating until they eventually settle. Worth a go?

@Ju2017 my daughter is 3 months and asleep on me now in the sling. It's absolutely normal for a baby this age to contact nap. I don't think it can be a sign of autism or 70% of babies this age would be autistic!

I’m the same, my boy is 15 weeks and has slept on me the whole time. Only just managed to get him to do a few stints in the next to me cot at the beginning of his night sleep, but still variable. Can’t even get him to sleep next to me in my bed, he’s so heavy. I’m exhausted. I can’t and don’t want to have him cry it out!