how do you find your parents are with your children?

[pregnantbabyelephant]

are they helpful or a pita?

Absolutely fantastic. Don't know what I would do without them.

both sets royal PITAs are happy to do and ecnourage all behaviour that was big nono when me and dh were little such as bouncing on beds, loads of sweets missing meals but eating sweets instead, far too many presssies the list goes on........

What're yours like?

They've got a hands-off approach

My mum is brilliant and my MiL is pretty good too and my FiL really isn't bad either. Maybe I'm lucky (or had really low expectations) but they're much better with DS than I had anticipated. There does seem to be a special bond between DS and his grandparents in a way I hadn't even imagined before he was born.

It's great, but DS is still little, it may all change!

My mother is a PITA. Only wants the kids on her terms (only wants me on her terms but thats a different story...).

Example - DH, DD1 and I had a vomiting bug at weekend and she couldn't hlook after DD2 because she had alot to do before she moved house at end of month. WTF!!! There was no-one to look after poor DD2 who was the only one of us still standing. Dh's elderly but fit aunt came over from a different town to come help us in our time of need.
But that is my mother all over.

My mother isn't interested. At all.
If she phones (and she usually phones when she thinks I'm not in so she can leave a message) she tells me what woes she is currently having, how tired she is, how she's not been well or is ill atm. She NEVER asks how the kids are or asks to speak to them. Even if I say they're unwell, she doesn't ask why or how they are.

Yet to anyone else who cares to listen, she'll tell them how she never gets to see them, how she grieves for them, she adores and loves them to bits, she has their photo in a frame (one that I gave her) and she'll put a candle in front of it. I am refusing to let her see them apparently, not that she ever asks if she can.

My father on the other hand, who now lives with his second wife in Scotland, always asks after them and dh. He asks how I am, what we've been doing, how my new job is, how dh's job is, how they are doing at school etc etc. To say that he isn't really a "kid" person, he cares a damnsight more than she does or ever did.

My MIL is fantastic.
However, I feel my mum has a checklist in front of her when she asks after the children, and isn't really listening to any of my answers. She is very critical, calling my ds 'wierd' to my SIL, and my youngest 'sickly'.

Because of all this (and much more I won't bore you with) I feel less than enamoured with her.

Total pita. And I've only just worked out what that means.

They are all extremely helpful and brilliant, in different ways.
My mum at times say things I don't necessarily approve of, but she's been a constant help and was totally brilliant with them as tiny babies. Mil is extremely creative and ds in particular loves her a lot.

Rhubarb - is your Mum related to mine. Mine's idea would be for me to bring them to see her every weekend for about an hour so she could see them playing and tell everyone about them, thats about it. She hasn't seen them since beginning of August and she lives an hour away. I refuse to take them to see her (it's a nightmare). She's very anti-girls and I'm sure if I had boys she would be different.

My Dad is not intentionally nasty but pretty useless, could never imagine him looking after them on his own and he hardly sees them but when he does he does play and interact with them.

MIL - hardly sees them and pretty useless.

Pretty damn good actually.

Mum told me in pg specifically that she would do what I wanted and should show her, not what was done in her day. Having said that, my DB and I are at complete opposites as parents - we like regular bedtimes, proper food, eating only at the table, manners, limited TV. They are very relaxed about everything and my mum is a bit critical of them to me, so I suspect she finds it easier to follow the pattern of parenting she approves of.

Dad is more rough and tumble, very good at the fun and games, not so good at the keeping the kids calm.

MIL has just died but didn't have any complaints - tho' living far away and severe stroke ruled out practical help. FIL is only ten years older than my parents but seems kinda ancient - but actually means he is a real wise old grandfather figure.

Really nice seeing DS (coming up on 2) developing different relationships with each.

lets just thank god our kids have us!!

All great here too.

MIL - fantastic, though indulgent - she is scarred by having had a 2nd child (BIL) who cried for years at a time. So goes out of her way to placate DS, who loves it of course. But she is also extremely creative and nurturing. This is a total surprise to us! Esp dh.

Dad - great.

Mum - great, but talks to ds like he's deaf. He doesn't seem to mind. Yet.

My parents are great when they visit but have the atitude that this is their time.
My mum actually said to me I put my life on hold when I was bringing you all up, this is my time now.
They are divorced and each have fairly new partners who take up a lot of their time.

When the children do see them they are showered with gifts and affection which of course they adore.

My mum is fab for day to day practical help and she treats my kids exactly as she treated me (well maybe a touch softer, she used to hit me on the head with a brush, she would never do that to my kids) step dad is strict but good for stuff like home work and encouraging sports (i have girls so less need for that at the moment) both girls have stayed there happily, dd1 used to live there with my when i was younger.

My dad is fairly good but doesnt see them often enough to do anything wrong and my step mum doesnt really see them, my dad will see them when shes at work when he does see them, they never stay there and dont think they would want to tbh.

PIl are both fab, mil adores my girls she spoils them if anything and fil is soft as shite with them as well, the girls love staying with them and pil love having them so that's good. Dp says they were much harder on them as kids and getting down without eating their dinner and getting pudding was a total no no yet when we rwere round there onm sunday mil wanted to let dd2 have pudding even though she hadnt eaten her dinner "because to be fair she has been eating all day...." well who has been letting her eat all day so she wont eat her dinner? hummm?

My mother is disinterested, mostly. She'll help me in an emergancy, that's about it. i don't think that's the way she meant to be, but she had visions of being a grandmother in her 60s, and I made her one in her 40s! My dad comes to see us weekly or so, but mostly to talk to me rather than the boys. I don't mind, at least they don't interfere!

sweetkitty, I dream of finding adoption papers for me!
She wouldn't be interested in seeing them every weekend. She has no toys in her house. She could come here to see them but she's never asked and I ain't gonna suggest it! She just likes to make out that she's a spurned grandma who loves children but heartbreakingly is being denied a bond with some of them. Boo fucking hoo.

But yeah, I learn what not to do from my mother so I guess I should be thankful!

My mum is great, don't get together as much as we'd like as she is about 3 hrs drive away. She was one of my birth partners and has been great for practical support (washing, cooking, cleaning etc) when she comes to visit. We also speak on the phone a couple of times a week. I don't always agree with the advice she gives, but she knows DS is my son and respects my choices. My dad is a v sweet grandad, mostly involved in playing and cuddling (DS is 16 months)

MIL irritates me, but her heart's in the right place

my parents are ace! mum looks after ds while I work, and she has even thanked me for letting her do it! She does what I ask, no problems. Don't know what I would do without her.

dad is good too, but tends to see ds on short visits as he lives so far away.

fil has issues at the mo, so we don't see him very often, but he is very loving to ds.

mil, well she's a whole other story..

No my Mum would only want to see them on her terms i.e. she would never make an effort with them. When she does visit she expects to be waited on hand and foot would never even offer to do anything (even when I was less than 2 days post partum). I never mention her visiting and neither does she. She was awful to me recently when I had a mc and if she weren't my mother I doubt I would speak to her again, people like that you don't need in your life.

But as you say it makes us better parents with our DC. It's her thats missing out not us.

my kids miss out on a generation but dh and i will make it up to them by being fabbo with their kids

i sleep the sleep of the righteous which is more than my bastard folks could ever do

MIL is okay for 20 mins or so with my boys (both under 2) she says in a very loud voice (just in case i can't hear from other room) 'That's it boys, nanny is very tired now and has a sore back, Nanny will just have to have a little sit down because she is getting tired...Nanny is just going to sit down now..mammy will be here in a minute...nanny is going to have her din dins and have a little rest..go find mammy...' Nanny is in early 50's!

FIL - absolute joke! Left him with boys when they were both really small to go and make HIS dinner and came in room to find him snoring in front of the rugby and DSs on their own. Will give DS bottle and cuddle him/hold him but that's it - boring old fart.

My mother has been fantastic with my kids - couldn't have gone through second PG/hospital without her. Don't see so much of her though, she gets into her own zone sometimes and doesn't want to visit - long history there.

My dad - would love it more if the DSs could sit for hours on end next to him on sofa with remote control each 'Let's watch this cool Jackie Chan film' is my dad and then we'll play. Other than that will take them for walk in pram to let me get on, so not all that bad.