Reward chart for not hitting

[Motherofmonsters]

Is this a terrible idea?

DS is nearly 4 and has sensory issues. I have a big problem with him hitting, he hits for any reason not just anger.

I'm at a loss with it, I've tried gentle hands, time outs, removing TV, removing him, shouting etc.

I'm thinking about a reward chart, so a morning with no hitting gets a sticker and another one for an afternoon.

It kind of feels wrong though but interested what others think.

We had a similar issue with biting, however no sensory issues so this may not work.
We did "kind to our friends". Said "DS, we are kind to our friends and biting isn't kind" then just "can we be kind please" and it soon set in. We found saying "don't do that" just made it worse.
I feel for you because it's really difficult. We found getting nursery on board with the same phrasing was really important too

I agree with phrasing it as a reward for 'being kind' rather than being withdrawn as a punishment for hitting. Could do an immediate reward and then a bit of a bigger one for the end of the week as well to incentivise him?

Could you reward for kind behaviour instead? So if he helps a friend in the park he could get a sticker. That way hopefully he's see that playing nicely brings rewards rather than keep mentioning the poor behaviour.

I think it really depends on whether you think he can control himself/behave differently but is choosing not to, or whether he genuinely struggles to control himself. (sensory issues suggests the latter may be more likely).

If he really struggles to control himself in the moment, then reward charts aren’t likely to work. You can give it a go but you may just find he behaves just the same and then gets upset he’s not got his sticker.

IME (I had a hitter/biter ) the most effective thing is to work out when he hits (is it when is tired? Frustrated? Doesn’t want to share?) and tell him what he should do instead when he feels that way. Using his words for example - “If you feel cross, say I’m cross - don’t hit” “If you want a turn, say I want a turn - don’t hit”. “If someone has made you upset, tell a grown up - don’t hit”. And repeat this over and over. “I can see you’re getting upset, remember to use your words and not hit” “What should you have done instead of hitting me just now?” “Have a lovely day at nursery, remember if you get upset use your words, don’t hit”.

And then reward/praise him whenever he has done the better replacement behaviour rather than hitting.

It’s not easy and will be harder depending on his level of impulse control but will help in the end

It might be worth asking on the SEN aboard but I think you need to look for help with his sensory issue. It’s certain things he doesn’t like or sensations that he needs to calm him down. I’m sure you will get some good advice over there.