When you choose to stop breastfeeding

[pjdiinkey]

I have spent a lot of time online reading through posts, looking for advice and giggling and some of the hilarious stories but I never thought I'd be writing my own post until tonight.

My son has just turned two months old, and throughout I was pumping milk, while supplementing with formula when needing. However after a stressful week and a lot of thinking, I made the decision to stop pumping milk and I feel so guilty for this. I can't stop crying all of a sudden, I feel like I'm doing bad by my son with this choice, maybe it affects his growth and development.

I only quit because it was hard to keep the routine around work and home life, which was making me stressed because I wasn't fulfilling my sons needs. Which then affected how much milk I produced making me even more stressed. Even when I know deep in my mind this was a difficult decision to come to, and it will somewhat be better that I did, because I won't be stressed and overtired. That hopefully this creates a better bond with my son, and not passing on all the bad feelings.

I just wanted to know if anyone had this feeling too and what has helped you to over come these bad feelings. Thank youuu!

Thank you.

Big hugs.......... the feeling will stop. I gave birth 10 weeks ago and from day one I was going to breast feed. Baby came into the world and soon I had many hands helping me and getting the baby to latch. He couldn't get the hang of latching and nipples would go in. I had all sorts to help with that. In the end I would express the milk to him. I ended up lasting 3 weeks, due to stresses that accrued. I felt awful that my baby hasn't got the good stuff to help him. After speaking with a lot of mums I was reassured that baby on formula are the same as breast red babies. I did feel anxious when I saw the HV she would judge me and felt so guilty but she didn't. It's the hormones that makes us feel like this. I spoke with DH and agreed that bottle was best due to our current situation. In a nut shell you do what is right for you and baby. The felling will pass, as long as baby keeps putting the lbs on and is happy then you are doing a wonderful job.

I did when I stopped with DD1 at 6 weeks, I had counselling - a lot of it around birth trauma but bf too but it was only after having DD2 and remembering how difficult it was considering all the other stuff that happened to me that I was able to fully deal with it.

We fed til he was 3 and 2 months. I still think you’re doing the right thing if it works best for you and your baby. Fed baby and happy mum is a win however you achieve it.

To show the other side of the coin: I had big problems breastfeeding from about 4 weeks (inefficient feeding/tongue tie/low supply). I pushed on, mixed feeding but trying my utmost to give baby as much breast milk as possible - pumping loads, seeing lactation consultants, doctors, dentists bla bla. Looking back I can see that it really affected my mental health and our bond in the early months . Baby is 10 months old now and I still mix feed but have stopped pumping and stopped trying to correct her latch all the time so my supply is dwindling but I'm enjoying her so much more . If I had another I'd try hard with the breastfeeding for a couple of months but I'd it didn't work out I wouldn't stress about it half as much. There are so many more important things!

In short - do what's best for you and your baby and please don't feel bad if that means formula feeding. X

@Verbena87 @MyPanda @SteakChips @Fitforforty thank you guys for sharing your stories with me and for all the kinda words. It made me feel a little better in myself today, it's probably the hormones, being a first time mum and worrying about everything. As much as it upsets me to stop expressing milk for my baby, I do think it's the best for both of us. I guess over time the feeling will pass as I watch him grow and explore new things, seeing him be a perfectly healthy formula fed baby.

I hope all is well for you and your babies are healthy and blossoming.

First time motherhood is so blooming overwhelming and I think we’re conditioned to pretend it isn’t or laugh off the worry when actually it would be so much easier if everyone just shared the level of worry honestly. Glad today feels a bit easier.

I had missed that you’re pumping. I think if we’d not been lucky enough to figure out a good latch in the first weeks I’d have gone formula over pumping, I found it totally miserable and a pain in the arse.

Honestly, you’re doing a great job and it does get easier!

I’ve just stopped breastfeeding and my boy is 4 months. Been mix feeding 1/2 bottles since 3weeks but been upping them more and more until month 4 when I dropped the last 2 BF. I always thought I’d exclusively BF until 6 months but I hated it 90% of the time, baby had reflux, tongue tie and he always wanted to feed.
Since stopping I’ve become so much happier and my baby seems more content too. Credit to anyone who does it, but I’ve learnt long term BF just isn’t right for us.
I pumped once a day to build a freezer stash and my god it was a pain in the ass, so I don’t blame you for being miserable!
In hindsight I wanted to stop sooner and I should of, guilt stopped me doing what I felt was right for us... so own your decision and enjoy your baby 😊

Noone is a better mum to your DS than you are, don't beat yourself up, look what you've done for him already, grown him, given birth to him and nurtured him these last few months. It is fine to move on from bf'ing whenever you are ready, here's to the next chapter!

I was a primary school teacher. I can tell you that I would have absolutely no idea which children in my class were formula or breast fed. I could give a very very good/ accurate guess at which children were read to regularly, who was taught manners, whose parents valued education, who had parents who spent time with them (and I don't mean SAHMs), who had parents who swore regularly at home or were racist/ sexist / homophobic. And even worse, who had parents who couldn't even meet their basic needs in keeping them fed or safe. How your baby is fed really really won't impact their future. How you care for and raise them will. And the fact that you have these feelings already means that you care and are a wonderful mother.

Another way to look at it is that your child already won the lottery of birth. They have been born into circumstance without poverty, war, famine, persecution, etc. They/ we are incredibly privileged to have access to formula that has been developed over many years to be a perfect balance of everything your baby needs to grow and thrive.

You're doing a great job. A happy mum and being formula fed is 100x better than breast-milk fed with a frazzled parent.

I managed to push through an awful start too - tongue tie and bouts of mastitis due to over supply ! Now Im 3 months in and my baby is a bottle refuser :( so I feel trapped breastfeeding when really I’d like to combi feed!

Definitely do what’s right for yourself! There’s so much bloody pressure out there and really its nobodies business! You being happy is best for your babs x

You have a whole lifetime of love and energy to input into your child.
There is just so many things that make up being a good parent.
You probably have inbetween 13-18 years of cooking him meals for example.
When you have a baby the breastfeeding/ formula thing seems so very very crucial. But there is a life time ahead. Please Give yourself a break and do what works best for you both now.

Ps. Pumping with a newborn Is an incredible effort. I really admire you. I breastfed with my children but I was lucky in that it came relatively easily. I tried pumping and it’s such hard work. I can’t imagine finding the energy after labour/ those early days

... @BrilloSolar said what I was trying to say in a much more articulate way!

@Fupoffyagrasshole you could look into cup feeding? My son used to think bottle teats were hilarious, but wouldn’t let them near his mouth. He would, however, take expressed milk from a small cup if we were apart. Might be worth a go?

I decided to stop breastfeeding altogether at about 16 weeks but taking it one day at a time we actually carried on until 26 weeks. I'd feed first and then give the bottle. My supply was really low anyway and doing it this way meant it came to a natural stop.

I remember feeling like you so clearly, but it got to the point that baby just fought me, wanting the bottle as it was so much easier for her (tongue tie and she was very, very dangerously underweight) and I was spending so little time with her or my older children as I spent all my spare time trying to express. So I guess she decided for herself! She was thriving by this point and still is.

Echo the other lovely posters, there is a reason you're wanting to stop and if it's right for you, it's right for you.

The best time to stop feeding is when it's right for you could be 2 days or 2 years.
There positives and negatives to BF and just work out the balance and whats best for you .

I was breast fed exclusively for 6 months, my brother was bottle fed from birth. We're both happy healthy adults with no illnesses. He's slightly cleverer than me and has a much more high paid job. I don't think breastfeeding is the be all and end all, and it certainly isn't something that you should feel guilty or worry about - it hasn't affected our lives one little bit! xx

@pjdiinkey I'm also a first time mum as well and I know the feeling very well. As stated before you do what is best for you and the family. I sometimes feel I'm being judge because my little one is bottle fed but there was and still is some much going on that bottle was best.

Those hormones are awful and so is the lack of sleep that goes with.

Keep your head up, you're doing well.