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Parenting

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Original poster

move house while pregnant, or while on maternity leave?

56 replies

Soverymuchfruit · 21/06/2021 19:59

DC1 due late Nov. Planning to take up to a year off. We're going to move closer to my work for when I'm back. I have big work projects to finish before I go (nobody else will do while I'm off, job not like that). Had thought we'd move next year - DP can take tons of leave too, has excellent work policy. I hate moving, he knows and understands, so he would do much of the hard work anyway.

But MIL says it would be madness to move with a new tiny baby and we should move now. Is MIL correct? Have never had a tiny baby to care for ourselves, we don't know.

(Btw we love MIL and are happy to take her advice seriously and she won't pester us if we don't - absolutely no anti MIL sentiment here! )

Another reason to delay the move is my current local hospital is amazing, I've been there quite a bit, its maternity ward is CQC "outstanding", I trust them and am happy about giving birth there. Will be moving a long way from this hospital and the new one frankly isn't as good. This stresses me because I was v happy with my hospital decision. But is that honesty a small consideration in the grand scheme of things? (New one is CQC "good" for maternity so I may be being spoilt but I was a bit alarmed that the report said they don't have enough midwives...)

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Keha · 21/06/2021 20:04

Personally I'd rather move while pregnant. Life is such a whirlwind with a small baby anyway. It'll be doable either way .

AliceW89 · 21/06/2021 20:09

I would agree with your mother in law. Moving with a tiny baby could be a dream or it could be fraught. If you are moving into a ready-to-live-in house and have a straightforward enough birth (ie no complications that lead to a long recovery) with a very settled newborn who sleeps very well and is either formula fed or is happy to take a bottle of breast milk from others then you might be okay moving in the newborn period. As however you do not know how your birth or baby will be, if you are well enough to I would move during pregnancy. I have a one year old now - granted he’s a terrible sleeper but we are only just feeling up to considering moving now.

Im sure there will be people along who say ‘I moved into a wreck with a 6 week old and a 3 year old and we were fine’, but the benefit of hindsight cannot be underestimated.

Re your last point: a ‘good’ hospital is still completely safe to give birth in. You could also ask to continue your care at your current hospital if it’s not too far of a drive.

TradedAtlanta · 21/06/2021 20:11

Well... whichever you do will be hard and stressful but you'll get through it. I guess if you try to move first you have the potential for an extremely stressful touch and go move, hoping to complete just in time to get in before you go into labour. If your baby comes early it could be really tricky. I think if you have the money and/or family to help with the move itself, the least stressful option might be to find and get an offer accepted on a place this side of D-day (so you don't have to drag a baby round viewings), but not even aim to move before the baby comes. Then when you're due to move, you pay for a full pack and move, you and baby go and sit in your MIL's house whilst DH, family and removal company get everything over to the new house and unpacked, and you're done!

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AliceW89 · 21/06/2021 20:12

Sorry just realised you said it’s a long way. I would still be happy to give birth in a unit rated good, especially if I was considered a low risk pregnancy. But if it’s important to you, then don’t discount it from your decision x

NakedAttraction · 21/06/2021 20:17

I’ve done both and found moving when pregnant much easier. It might also be good to get settled and find yourself an nct group or similar so you have people to hang out with.

EPPM · 21/06/2021 20:21

Before! With a full packing service too.
Babies take up no room, and make no noise when they're in the womb
Could not imagine trying to move with an infant.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 21/06/2021 20:26

Before!

I moved 100 miles when 9 months pregnant with DC1- it wasn’t exactly a bundle of laughs, but it was about a thousand times easier than having to worry about either leaving my newborn with a relative so I could help DH or leaving all the hard work for him to do alone.

Also, don’t underestimate all the shit that accompanies a baby once they’re born. The multitudes of nappies, wipes, clothes and toys you’ve been gifted, a pram that’s been set up instead of still handily packed away in its box. So. much. stuff!

Original poster

Soverymuchfruit · 21/06/2021 20:27

DP now says he can pack me and DC off to my parents for a week or two while he does the whole move!

... does a 2 hour train journey with a tiny baby sound like an error? Oh dear and there's all the stuff too.

I see most things point to this year. Except my work projects that Ineed to finish this summer. Which do matter to me too.

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wintertime6 · 21/06/2021 20:27

I would give birth somewhere you are comfortable and get finished up in work without the added stress of a house move. Once baby is safely here, pay for a good removal company to do all the packing and moving. A relative of mine moved house with a 4 week old, she said having a good removal company made the world of difference.

AliceW89 · 21/06/2021 20:37

@Soverymuchfruit

DP now says he can pack me and DC off to my parents for a week or two while he does the whole move!

... does a 2 hour train journey with a tiny baby sound like an error? Oh dear and there's all the stuff too.

I see most things point to this year. Except my work projects that Ineed to finish this summer. Which do matter to me too.

It’s not an error. It may be completely fine, your baby may nap in the sling for the full 2h. Or they may decide it’s the time to do multiple poos up their back, have a massive scream and then breastfeed (if that’s what you are doing) continuously for 2h. It’s a complete unknown with a newborn.

I’m not sure when you are thinking about moving exactly, but I would not have wanted to be away from my partner that long with a tiny baby, even with someone I love hugely (as i do my MIL). It’s such an emotional upheaval having a baby, I personally could have only done that with my partner. Again it’s just such an unknown how you’ll feel post partum.

Original poster

Soverymuchfruit · 21/06/2021 20:39

Thank you, these are very helpful thoughts!

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Temple29 · 21/06/2021 20:49

Definitely before. I moved at 36 weeks pregnant and it was tiring but fine. Would have been much harder with a baby.

burritofan · 21/06/2021 20:52

Before before before.

cauliflowerkorma · 21/06/2021 20:57

I'd say before if its going to be to a better house with more space and a nice place to hang out during your mat leave.

However, with the economy as it is i wouldn't move only for work until i knew i was actually going to return and be needed if the only reason i was moving was for work. Also, you don't know how you will feel about returning to work once your baby is here-you may not want to or may have different motivators. Again if its a great property and the location works for lots
Of other reasons too then go for it. But for work only id hang fire and see if you want to go back.

Original poster

Soverymuchfruit · 21/06/2021 21:36

@cauliflowerkorma good questions - but moving in this direction would be to a bigger place. And I'm pretty certain about returning to work, if potentially part time. My job is important to me - hence caring whether I finish things before I go on leave.

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museumum · 21/06/2021 21:42

I’d definitely rather move pregnant and scope the area out.

It’s so strange with your first baby when it’s tiny - not knowing how far you can get between feeds, needing to change the baby, or find a loo yourself with a weakened bladder. I found knowing where the cafes and toilets were and which had steps or space for a pram very helpful.
If it were me I’d move ASAP and try to meet other pregnant women in the new area. Other local women with small babies saved my sanity in maternity leave, and knowing some before the birth made the early weeks much more fun.

Kokosrieksts · 21/06/2021 23:20

It would be easier to move before the baby is born. Its doable after as well, but you’ll be focused on the baby and packing and unpacking will seem a lot of hassle. We moved with a 10month old and my husband had to do everything as I was just caring for the baby.

2 hours on the train with a small baby will be fine. If you get a sling they will most likely just sleep on you.

Mummytomylittlegirl · 22/06/2021 10:16

We moved while I was pregnant. House sale took ages to go through. I think I was about 17 weeks when we moved. Transferring care was easy (twin pregnancy), it worked out that I had my 20 week scan in new area and then growth scan after that. I wouldn’t worry about that side of things.

I’m very into nesting, and found living in a house while renovating (new kitchen/ bathroom) absolutely hell so needed to get everything perfect before the babies are here! It’s actually been a real incentive to crack on and get things done. I’ve got about a month left and feel so settled, there’s no way we could have moved with newborn babies (and a toddler!).

Thethingswedoforlove · 22/06/2021 10:18

Before. You will make friends and it will be a huge wrench to leave support when baby arrives. Plus just sooooo much easier. So far unanimously people are saying before!

Original poster

Soverymuchfruit · 22/06/2021 10:23

@Mummytomylittlegirl thanks - thing is I really need to work flat out from now until due date, anyway. So all that nice arranging and sorting would be very very hard to do this year. And I'll be wfh until covid is truly over: I'd be working hard, while pregnant, in a tip.

I suppose I lack any sense of how hard work having a tiny baby is, but I know very well how hard my job is!

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noscoobydoodle · 22/06/2021 10:25

Ive done both and before was easier However, it was easier to do it after, when not pregnant, with children in childcare so if you could do it with a slightly older baby and MiL or someone could watch baby for a few hours, that would probably be the easiest of all!

Changedmyname1357 · 22/06/2021 10:31

I've now moved house twice while pregnant (one third trimester, one first) and although not ideal, both were a million times easier than with a baby. I couldn't even pack to go on a week's holiday with my then-six month old, let alone pack and unpack an entire house.

The other advantage is that you can properly nest and settle in before baby is born, which is a huge plus imo. I'd personally find the prospect of an imminent move to be quite unsettling in late pregnancy and the early months of parenthood.

Original poster

Soverymuchfruit · 22/06/2021 17:29

Thanks all.

However, all this talk of nesting is, I'm afraid, putting me right off moving this year. I really do have to work v long hours until my due date. If nesting is important, right here is the only place I can plausibly do it! Moving this year will involve living in chaos right when I'll want a calm nest. I think it would be easier to cope with chaos with a 4 month old who I'll hopefully have a better idea what to do with. And at that point I'll know what stuff needs to be packed in boxes for priority unpacking. So I can reconstruct the nest in a corner of the chaos when we get there.

And yes, we can definitely pay someone to pack for us. Unpacking is another matter, but DP understands and agrees that I will do very little of it.

Sorry, I know I'm saying I'll do the opposite of what you've all said and I do appreciate the points you've made. But this has been very helpful for me to clarify what I want. And if I'm crazy to want it and it turns out to be a nightmare - that's on me!

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MeadowHay · 22/06/2021 17:36

With respect, people are commenting from their own lived experiences - I'm not sure what the point in starting a thread asking for advice from people with experience is and then electing to do the opposite of what all those experienced people advised .

I moved with a 6 week old into a house that didn't even have a shower for the first week or two, only a kitchen and our bedroom and the toilet were useable for weeks and weeks. It was horrific and so stressful, I would definitely agree with everyone else that moving/packing/everything would be much easier whilst pregnant. Trying to pack up our flat with a baby was awful, we were exhausted and it was just a nightmare. We couldn't have moved earlier for various reasons unfortunately or we would have.

I note you comments about a 4 month old - at 4 months old my DD only napped in a moving pram or on me, I had PND, was exhausted from poor sleep and I still had some symptoms from a birth injury. It wasn't a pleasant time and moving house at that time would also have been awful.

Original poster

Soverymuchfruit · 23/06/2021 23:00

@MeadowHay fair point. Well my DP had started contacting EAs. We will see what seems possible. Sorry your move was so beastly.

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