Dd8 won’t wipe herself and still having accidents

[RinderTinderNotRinderGrinder]

Dd is a capable girl with no known LD, though there is autism in the family and I’m not ruling out sensory issues.

She knows she needs to wipe herself after using the loo but she doesn’t. It’s really horrible, she often smells and even after bouts of soreness and thrush she isn’t doing it.

When we’ve discussed it she promises to do it in the future but the only way to make sure she does is to actually stand over her. She continues not to do it at school and ends up sore anyway.

Rationally she knows she should so I don’t know how else to appeal to her. She does still occasionally have accidents too and wets the bed at times. She also hates flushing the loo. She is otherwise a really happy 8 year old but clearly has issues around toileting.

All advice very gratefully received TIA

If she goes to the loo in the morning, for a Number 2, I'd encourage her to have a bubbly bath afterwards. That will prevent soreness, although not very hygienic. Again, after school, as soon as she gets home, have a fragrant bath.

The washlets toilet wipes are a good idea, as maybe more comfortable.

It sounds unpleasant, but maybe she likes some of the smells and to see waste in the toilet bowel, although she doesn't want to say so. She might have an interest in some bodily scents, and not notice other ones or when they get overpowering.

I was thinking with the scented bubble bath ( those nice fruity ones that are strong) that you might be able to channel an interest in body smells into a sensory bubble bath smell.

School is the problem. At home, I think you can manage, as above. I should think that it would be worth considering a bidet, if you got your bathroom done out, in future.

Does she tend to go to the loo at the same sort of time every day, and is that generally at school?

If she tends to go at home then right now I would personally focus on making sure she’s clean, even if that means some sort of extra help from you. Thrush is unpleasant but I would be more worried about a nasty UTI if she’s persistently not wiping.

If she tends to go at school then it’s obviously a bit trickier. Has her teacher mentioned anything to you?

DD had this around age 7. After an incident at school where they didn’t spot that she was stinking, and I asked why, they referred her to the school nurse.

She was referred to a specialist bowel nurse, and given movical as she was severely constipated. She had to drinks loads of water every day.

She was also allowed to use the disabled toilet at school and keep wipes in there.

It would be worth seeing the nurse. DD also had concentration and memory problems.

I'd be inclined to look at the routine and whether she goes for a Number 2 after breakfast or before. I'd be trying to see if things can be engineered so that she is more likely to have a bowel movement at home. It would be easier to.manage cleaning, at home. Obviously, you can't completely engineer it, but if she was going at school at 9.30pm, you could try to bring breakfast forward, to see if she might get into a routine of going at home before school, and then straight after school.

It is tricky, because menstruation might be a problem also.

I have to wipe my eight year olds backside as he refuses to deal with it at all. No SEN although he’s teachers suspect he may have autistic traits but won’t refer.

Dd is still like this, she's autistic and an adult. She knows but forgets/can't be bothered by admission