Father's day started well in our house, he had a lie in and the kids (6 and 9) took up a hand written menu for breakfast in bed and a big bag full of treats, home made cards from school, some personalised stuff. After that we went out for lunch, made the effort, made myself look nice. Kids were really excited. I drove so other half coild drink, he had a cocktail and a cider as didn't have to drive...all very jubilant.
Then 9 year old leans over OH to get his coke and spills it, all over oh's table space. A little in his cocktail and dinner
I knew in that moment he would sulk and it was all ruined.
He had been going on about how daddy's day is when daddy can do whatever he wants, drink beer all afternoon and watch TV. So when I saw my sons crestfallen face and other half sulking I did say just go home and get drunk then if you want to.
He stormed out and sent me a WhatsApp to say I'm selfish and I'd spoilt the day. We walked to the park, I bought the kids ice cream and told my son it absolutely was not his fault, other half is an adult and his reaction was out of proportion. I whatsapped my other half to say we love you, its Father's day and come to the park. He messaged back he was half way home on foot (4 miles via main roads, no pavements)
I told the kids it was his loss to do this on fathers day. We went to a trampoline Park as I just felt I wanted to make it up to them, their sadness was replaced with excitement as they haven't been with all the lockdowns.
For background, my other half used to have issues with temper (never violent) this began to play out in our son getting angry and we all had therapy. Some pretty tough things were said and he knew he had to change or loose us. And he did change, massively. He lost four stone in weight, gave up the job he hated, had therapy and is a good father mostly. Today is also the anniversary of his dad's death and a lot of his issues came from his difficulty with this relationship in the past. But he rarely saw his dad from being 13 and has never seemed too emotional about it.
We've come home and he has seemed sad and talked with the kids but no apology. Thanked them for their presents at bedtime. I've gone to great lengths to tell the kids none of it was their fault.
I just feel they will remember this forever, who honestly walks out on their family on Father's day? And my son of course feels him spilling a drink started it.
Please be gentle , I don't think this warrants leaving my other half over or anything as the last couple of years he has transformed and is a very loving father. But I'm really hurt for the children.