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Parenting

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Original poster

My partner doesn't want more children

18 replies

Heartbroken123 · 19/06/2021 09:31

I've been with my partner for 10 years. He has a son who is now 11 so I have brought him up essentially. We have a 6 year old together. I would love more children but he is adimant he's done. He's booked in for a vasectomy next week. I'm broken and confused I know we both should be on the same page but can I get past wanting more.

OP posts:

KitKatLife101 · 19/06/2021 09:36

Whatever you do don’t conceive a child without his permission because a father should be on board and if he’s not he may feel a certain way towards the child. Think that you have two children together already, you can give 💯 to them. With another child your oldest won’t get as much attention and also think of finances. Perhaps ask your DH for his reasoning too as to why he’s “done” maybe he has very valid reasons.

Original poster

Heartbroken123 · 19/06/2021 10:42

I should state that I've had 2 abortions since our child together. I feel that this is the reason I'm so low at the moment coming to terms with what would of been. He is happy with what he has but I also feel that the first experience he had has hindered him massively. He wants to move on with his next chapter with me which is making me feel even more awful about how I'm feeling right now. I'm so lost and in pain.

OP posts:

Clickbait · 19/06/2021 10:47

OP, I think the vasectomy is bringing the pain of your abortions to the surface. Would you be able to access counselling to help you come to terms with this?

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Gothichouse40 · 19/06/2021 10:49

Perhaps you may benefit from counselling. Two abortions is a lot to deal with emotionally. I hope you can come to terms with no more children, however you do have two. Does he say why he doesn't want any more family?

Chelyanne · 19/06/2021 10:52

Did you have the abortions because he wanted them or was it a mutual decision?
If it was for him of course you'll be feeling very raw about it and him getting a vasectomy will feel like a kick in the teeth. It seems you need to decide if your love for him is more important than your want for more children.

Footloosefancyfree · 19/06/2021 10:53

Op why did you have 2 abortions may I ask? Was this your own decision or your dh?

TheWaif · 19/06/2021 10:54

So the 11 year old lives with you?

AnxietyForever · 19/06/2021 10:55

Why did you have the abortions?

Original poster

Heartbroken123 · 19/06/2021 11:19

I am seeking counselling but unfortunatly no help so far :( don't mean to be a Debbie downer I'm just really struggling

OP posts:

Original poster

Heartbroken123 · 19/06/2021 11:21

He doesn't want any more children. If he would of said let's do it they would be here :'(

OP posts:

Original poster

Heartbroken123 · 19/06/2021 11:22

He wants me back he says which is lovely. He knew I wanted children when we met and he agreed to the one we have. He feels I'm being unreasonable which I guess I am.

OP posts:

Original poster

Heartbroken123 · 19/06/2021 11:26

He's 50/50

OP posts:

Clickbait · 19/06/2021 11:39

You are NOT being unreasonable to want more children and to feel that a step child isn't quite the same. You are DEFINITELY not being unreasonable to feel sad and lost over the abortions.

He's not being unreasonable either, to want to stop having children, but he should understand and sympathise with your sadness.

Iwonder08 · 19/06/2021 11:44

Your man is responsible honest person. He obviously doesn't want to cause you more pain with risk of abortion hence the vasectomy. You either leave and work on yourself to try and be happy with what you have

Original poster

Heartbroken123 · 19/06/2021 11:47

I know. I'm in such a shit situation. We were happy before this last one I need to find that happiness again or loose all I have built. The way I feel right now I just can't go on. Dramatic for some but real for me. Any help is much appreciated. Again sorry for being so depressive. I thought that this may help by talking to other people as apposed to a counsellor I'll try anything

OP posts:

Maggiesfarm · 19/06/2021 11:47

I'm so sorry, Heartbroken. I honestly can't understand how you feel, exactly, but you are so sad.

No answers from me, it's not something of which I have personal experience & I never wanted more than 2 kids. Each of us is different.

I really hope you come to terms with this, please don't let it spoil your life.

{flowers]

felulageller · 19/06/2021 12:26

He can't be that bothered about not having another if he was careless enough to get you pregnant twice.

Don't give up your desire to have DC's for a man.

If that's what you want find someone else to have a baby with.

Chelyanne · 19/06/2021 12:36

I honestly think you need to be looking closer at your relationship. Of course he has the right to say he doesn't want more children but to convince you abortions were right when you clearly didn't want them is not right. I couldn't be with a man who treated me like that and I think you know it's not the best relationship for you to be in either. As hard as it may be to let him go it may well be an option you need to explore.

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