When to tell dc how babies are made?!

[Orangeinmybluelightcup]

As in, what age?! I've got Dd age 6 and ds age 4. I'm wondering whether to tell Dd. To be honest I wish I had before when opportunities came up but I missed them, and now it feels more staged. Should I get a book? Wait for it to kind of come up? Or what?!

They're both good with birth, hospital baby delivery is a favourite game, complete with kitchen tong forceps and emergency c sections

Maybe wait until they’re around 9 and learning about puberty. They don’t need to know about sex at the age of 6.

I'd wait until she asks, but consider what you will say when she does.

I taught myself when I discovered a very 70s picture book that has belonged to my older siblings. I then proceeded to explain everything I'd learnt in detail to my little next-door-friend while we sat in the boot of his family's estate car (different times) on the way to the seaside, with the rest of his family listening on variously mortified / horrified / hysterical.

@gingerbiscuit19

I don't understand how this hasn't come up before. My two you old asks and I just say it takes a mummy and daddy who love each other to make a baby. It's just about age appropriate truth:

I think this is an interesting one, ideas about love and sex - I read an article a while ago that really made me think. I would’ve trotted out the same things said to me about sex being something you do with someone you love (not saying this is what you are saying to your 2yr old!) - but it’s not always is it? It made me think how I’d like to make the messages more about respect than love, only having sex with someone who respects you. Anyway, a bit off topic…

My dd (now 29) was 6 when I left mummy laid an egg strategically placed on a chair in the lounge for her to find. When I came down it was on the floor. I asked if she’d knew anything about what was in the book and was told ‘yes, we did ALL that at school’. So I got my answer.

She’s probably done some sex education at school, it’s now a requirement of schools to teach relationships in primary school.

Mine always walked in on me changing tampons etc so conversations about periods, sex, and babies just casually flowed from there. Just be aware if you do choose to wait to have the period talk, that some do start periods quite early. We have a just turned 9 year old start her period at school, it’s the talk amongst all the girls.

We also found the Osbourne book “what’s happening to me”very helpful. I found dd 6 reading through it after her bath. She was proudly telling me about boobies, nipples and where the milk is made/stored.

Unless they ask why not just wait, school provided a full programme around 9 and none of my DD's friends knew before then either. If mine had asked I would have told them but they simply didn't. Children under a certain age would struggle to process the information

Eughhhh never saw my mum change pads/tampons unnecessary

But be aware that some girls have their periods early. I was 9. So conversation has to happen before that.

@grey12 that's one of my concerns.

I’ve seen some nice ideas about preparing a special period box with supplies and nice things that you share with child ahead of period starting. I hated my mums response to starting my period so feels important to me to get it right. I agree to be prepared by 9 but I think this can happen in a gradual way over many years.

@grey12 Up to you if you think periods are gross, I don’t though and want to counter that message with my girls, not add to it myself.

He knows that mummies grow the babies and a daddy has to put them there

This gives me the rage for some reason..
The same as when cartoon sperm are given faces and character while the egg is a faceless, passive entity.

I know I'm being irrational but the daddy doesn't put the baby there, it's a collaboration.

I know it sounds crazy but in my mind this where the active/passive stereotype nonsense comes from in society.

Sorry, I'm not having a go at the poster really I'm not! It just irks me tremendously.

@Undersnatch periods are normal and healthy and good. However they are not clean. Blood should be dealt with as a biohazard. And also a kind of smelly one and private one. I also don't show my poops to my children. Sometimes they have been in the bathroom, ok, because there was no other option. But it is something that I try to keep as private as possible.

I find it terrible how society has such a massive taboo over unused pads/tampons. It blows my mind that I feel the need to conceal them.... but dirty ones?!

@Annehedonia you're right!

I also find terrible when people say you have a baby in your stomach I'm growing her, not digesting her!!!

I find it interesting reading this thread how talking about sex still seems to be almost an embarrassing thing for many people. I'm not sure if embarrassing is quite the right word - but it seems that lots of people feel it is a subject to be handled with hot tongs from a distance!

We are dealing with our small children's questions frankly, without making a hoohah about it, but we have been quite plain with the language, e.g. the sperm comes out of the penis.

I do not want to leave it late to tell him about sex because when I was a child, I was sexually abused before I had been told by my parents what sex was. This made it very, very hard for me to tell my parents what had happened to me. I felt like I wasn't supposed to know about all this secret stuff and it made me feel extra ashamed.

We also do the NSPCC 'Talking PANTS' stuff about your body being your body, not keeping secrets etc. Separately to the sex stuff, so the two don't get mixed up in the kids' heads! I would recommend looking this up and having conversations with your children about it if you haven't already. So important x

Gosh I've just reread my post and I hope people don't think I'm scaremongering! I just think it's really important that we empower our little ones with facts and knowledge and understanding about their bodies!

@feathersandferns
I agree with you, it's important they know what's what in an age appropriate way.

I remember asking lots and lots of questions, my mother said she would have to leave the room to avoid my questions sometimes

So I've always just answered my child's questions simply and clearly with the correct language and let him lead whether he asks more.

He's always been encouraged to know his boundaries too.

Who knew people were so uptight about bodily functions. I only wish that over the last 9 years I would have been able to hide in the loo in peace. I’m sure there’ll come a time when they stop coming in whist I’m in the bath or whatever, but I’ll leave it to them to decide. Now I have a 10 month pup who follows me in but whines if I shut the door on him.

I grew up in a very strict religious background where simply taking about sex was seen as taboo, periods were unclean and as a consequence I don’t want my dc to feel repressed. We’re very open in this house, I don’t hide things from dd’s. Sex, periods, normal bodily functions aren’t something disgusting to be ashamed of. But each to their own.

The earlier the better so it’s no big deal, just information that’s absorbed and pretty much forgotten about until it’s of interest. As PPs have said, lots of books to help.

@VettiyaIruken

When they ask

Thats what I did.

I'd probably wait until they ask, or if not do it when they're 8. You need to get in there before periods could start. They probably know a bit from friends or school.

My dd asked at 4 and I told her that daddy put some seeds in mummy's vagina using his penis (with a little more explanation as it grows in mummy's tummy wasn't cutting it) and she just giggled and carried on playing. She also knows mummy sees a doctor to try and help make a baby (she's always asking for a sibling) but I do wonder if she thinks the doctor is providing the seed .

In this family, we go with babies are made from a little egg that comes from a woman and a little sperm that comes from a man, and babies have to grow inside a woman before they are ready to come out and then they usually come out thevagina. We have that level since 3, but note 'woman and man's not 'mummy and daddy's it leaves lots of space for all sorts of family situations. Not all Dads are biologically linked etc not adopted kids etc. In our case, we are a 2 mum family and our dad also knows her sperm came from a donor as we couldnt make that bit. Her donor is not her daddy. She also understands periods since 2/3 yo

Should say our dd not our dad!!!

@feathersandferns omg that's terrible so sorry for your experience

But about that, kids still don't need to know about sex. The current philosophy is to teach kids that no one should touch their private parts (some talk about areas covered by bathing suit which includes the bottom and the chest area), and kids should never touch anyone else's private parts either. That kind of talk includes a way bigger range of innapropriate touching and sexual assault.

Another one who says when they ask, if they don’t ask then I’d do it about 6/7ish? My DS is 5. He asked around 3 and was satisfied at that stage with “the mummy has an egg and the daddy has a seed and they get put together and a baby grows in the mummy’s tummy”. A few months after that he asked how the baby gets out so I explained about birth and also c-sections. Just recently he asked for more detail as his friend’s mum is pregnant. I repeated the egg and seed stuff but he wasn’t satisfied and wanted to know exactly how it gets in the mum’s tummy (“Do you eat it mummy?”) so I just factually explained what sex is and that it’s for grown ups. He thought it was hilarious and then moved on very quickly to talking about something else. No embarrassment, not difficult at all!