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Co sleeping advice for young babies- how to keep them in the bed safely!

39 replies

Satlie2019 · 18/06/2021 21:16

I wondered if anyone had any advice on co sleeping with a young baby. Our baby is 3 months old. Due to my inability to stay awake when breast feeding, I have ended up co sleeping with him and side feeding, as this is safer than falling asleep whilst feeding in any other environment (which was what was happening before). He starts of every night in his next to me crib, but I side feed him when he is hungry and then tend to fall asleep feeding him at some point in the night. He then generally spends the rest of the night with me, unless I put him back in the next to me crib so I can leave the room briefly. My DH has moved into the spare room to help make the co sleeping a bit safer (he is quite a deep sleeper), this also means he can have a decent nights sleep so he fine with it. As it is warm it has been easy for me to have a clear bed and our mattress is quite firm, so I have been fairly comfortable that the sleeping arrangement is relatively safe.

I assumed we had a few months before DC became mobile and we had to think about mattresses on the floor ect. However, a few days ago we noted he could almost roll and the past two nights I have noticed his ability to wriggle around the bed. I am quite worried he will fall off the bed at some point. My solution was to consider moving the bed against the wall, but my DH was worried this might risk the baby getting trapped between the mattress and the wall (a quick Google has shown me that this is possible). The other option is to move a mattress onto the floor, possibly in the room that will be his nursery. Eventually I like the idea of a floor bed for him anyway, but I assumed this would be a single mattress with some kind of low base and that he would sleep in a standard cot for a year or so first. If I sleep with him now I think we would need a double mattress on the floor, as a single would be too small for the baby and me together.

I wondered:
1.How do people who move a double mattress onto the floor air it? Neither of our beds have a base we could place on the floor without legs.
2.Are there any bed guards we could put against the wall to make co sleeping with a baby in our normal bed safe (all of the guards I could find were for use from 18 months only). I have read a lot of things saying that bed guards themselves can be an entrapment risk for young children.
3.If we decide to just continue sleeping in our normal bed are there any extra precautions we should take? It is a king size bed. Currently I sleep in it with our baby alone with just a light quilt up to my waist and one pillow, our baby has his growbag. We have the next to me crib on one side at the head of the bed and I have put pillows on the floor around the rest of the bed (although I am worried this is a bit of a suffocation risk if he did fall into them and I didn't wake up). We have a cot ready for when he out grows the co sleeper crib, but I am not keen to tie it to the bed, as I have heard of babies becoming trapped between cots and beds (I suppose unlike co sleeper cribs cots are not designed to be attached to beds).

Thank you so much. Any advice gratefully received.

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TheLovelinessOfDemons · 18/06/2021 21:19

My babies all slept in the crook of my arm, a tip from Practical Parenting.

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 18/06/2021 21:31

I bought a king size futon and put it on the floor for us both - nothing to fall off that way! And easy to roll up during the daytime for extra space.

ChaosMoon · 18/06/2021 22:03

I just kept DD between me and the next to me. If she was going to roll, she'd have rolled into it. (But she'd also have screamed the place down long before she got that far away from me.)

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QforCucumber · 18/06/2021 22:07

@ChaosMoon exactly this but he never actually went anywhere and coslept until 9 months every day. Now at 12 months he still comes in if he wakes in the night , I now have a bed guard.

Fleetw00d · 18/06/2021 22:16

I do something similar in that a lot of the time dd stays in bed with me after waking for her nighttime feed. I've still got my pregnancy cushion which is a u shape so I have my arm on this and she's then lying down my side/on the cushion with her head on my chest/arm. There's no where for her to go as she either rolls onto her back still nestled in my arm or more onto me. So far she's quite a still sleeper though and doesn't roll around when she's on me (we did an 8 hour stretch without either of us moving an inch!) And when she has started stirring I've woken up. She's 2.5 months
My friend got a bed guard from Argos and has her baby on the mattress between her and the guard, he's 7 months.

Hyppogriff · 18/06/2021 22:17

Just don’t do it is not safe

Satlie2019 · 18/06/2021 22:20

Thank you all, really helpful advice.

@ChaosMoon you are right, when asleep at night he seems to stay close to me. The two times I noted him wriggling across the bed were when I had fed him in the evening and was letting him sleep on the bed before putting him in the co sleeper. Both times I was reading on the bed, but slightly away from him, whereas at night I basically lie in the recovery position with one arm around him. Maybe at night he will stay closer to me. My fear was he would wriggle down the bed to below the part protected by the next to me crib, although he would have to wriggle away from me and then down, as my knees are also in the way below him. Not sure how likely this is, but I want to be careful as he does seem to like to wriggle!

@Nowisthemonthofmaying, you don't happen to remember the name of the futon your used or where you bought it do you? I was thinking about a futon too, but wanted to find one that has quite a firm mattress, if the baby will sleep on it.

Thank you so much for the advice Smile

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20viona · 18/06/2021 22:21

My daughter slept in a purflo nest between us in a superking bed it was perfect because we couldn't possibly roll on her.

Amammai · 18/06/2021 22:22

@Hyppogriff

Just don’t do it is not safe
That’s not at all true. Co-sleeping can be safe and is practised in many countries around the world.

I would echo would others have said - arm around your baby - Lullaby Trust have excellent information about safe co-sleeping.

JustineTimee · 18/06/2021 22:26

I thought it was safe to have baby between you and the wall so long as you can push the mattress right against the wall - without any gap resulting from the bed frame or skirring board or whatever? But I might be wrong?

I wouldn't personally use a quilt and pillow - could you try and see whether an adult size cellular blanket would work for you?

JustineTimee · 18/06/2021 22:27

Also, instead of pillows on the floor, get some play mats - no suffocation risk with those.

Satlie2019 · 18/06/2021 22:30

@Hyppogriff I was 100% with you thinking I would not co sleep, until I found that breastfeeding at night seemed to send me to sleep. It was a pragmatic midwife who advised that co sleeping might be the safest option for me (or at least planning to co sleep so if I fell asleep feeding then it would be as safe as possible) and showed me how to do it as safely as possible . We start every night with him in the cot, but I just seem to fall asleep whenever I breastfeed at night. A few of my friends have said they found the same thing.

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whattodo2019 · 18/06/2021 22:31

We do slept for 18 months. At the time i thought it was perfect but looking back it ruined my back and set my so. up for years of separating problems...

Satlie2019 · 18/06/2021 22:33

@JustineTimee, thank you I will investigate play mats

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SilverGlitterBaubles · 18/06/2021 22:34

In wouldn't do it routinely, it's simply not safe.

4amWitchingHour · 18/06/2021 22:36

@SilverGlitterBaubles

In wouldn't do it routinely, it's simply not safe.
Not true, see @Amammai answer above
Satlie2019 · 18/06/2021 22:38

@JustineTimee I think the risk with the mattress against the wall is that the mattress could slip back, leaving a gap a baby could become trapped in (but I am not sure). I didn't know if there were any guard rails that would prevent this.

Thank you for the advice about a cellular blanket, good idea.

OP posts:
4amWitchingHour · 18/06/2021 22:41

I sidecarred DS cot to our bed (loads of images of how to on google / Pinterest) and we co-slept til he was about 6/7 months. Meant he had a bit of a separate sleeping space, with no risk of falling off the bed when he could roll.

When he started to crawl we moved him into the cot (which amazingly he took to), then into his own room at 9 months, and after a terrible teething period where he would wake every time I put him down in the cot, he's now on a floor bed at 10 months. So much easier to settle, and means I can sleep next to him if I need to when he's teething / has a cold, and me being there is the only thing which keeps him asleep.

Tobermorie · 18/06/2021 22:42

I slept with my arm around my baby. Falling on the floor is less dangerous than being suffocated against the wall or bed guard. Eventually we moved to a mattress on the floor - not ideal but safer for the baby. Never actually fell out of bed through.

KurtWilde · 18/06/2021 22:55

@TheLovelinessOfDemons

My babies all slept in the crook of my arm, a tip from Practical Parenting.
Mine all did this too.
motogogo · 18/06/2021 22:57

Mine slept in the crook of my arm when tiny then between us from around 6 months. Dd2 loved it so much she still trotted in every night around midnight (having gone to sleep in her bed) until 7 years old

Toddlerteaplease · 18/06/2021 23:09

I completely agree with @Hyppogriff, it's far to dangerous.

Fitforforty · 18/06/2021 23:34

@TheLovelinessOfDemons

My babies all slept in the crook of my arm, a tip from Practical Parenting.
This is not safe. Babies need to be flat in their backs. No bednest. From 6 months they can sleep with Dad or between you if you feel comfortable.

The mattress must be away from the walls, not bed guards until 18 moths.

Tips for your back. Sleep with a pillow between your knees and try to alternate the side you lie on during the night.

NCwhatsmynameagain · 18/06/2021 23:42

@TheLovelinessOfDemons

My babies all slept in the crook of my arm, a tip from Practical Parenting.
I did this too.
trunumber · 18/06/2021 23:48

We had a double mattress on the floor. Worked perfectly.