My preschooler is killing me

[OhToBeASeahorse]

I am literally at my end with him.

• very bright, very articulate

• a bit clumsy- only just managing to put his own shoes on

• he is into EVERYTHING. I mean everything. I cant even make tea alone, he will drag a chair to 'help'. Obsessed with helping me cook, wash - anything.

• his focus on something is very very short. We manage to play a game for a bit before it goes to shit and he starts throwing stuff or just being silly.

• has meltdowns several times a day, every day.

• talks ALL THE TIME. I mean all the time. Cant even manage a conversation with another adult cos he will literally just talk the whole time.

• grabs everything. Shoes, remotes - it's like a physical meltdown

• doesn't ever play ball. Took him to a soft play today. He spent the time trying to get into the kitchen and loos.

I cant cope with him anynore. I'm utterly exhausted. He is breaking me.

Oh yes, totally relate to these posts! I have 4 children and it's my 3rd (dd 3) who is the culprit! My other two weren't nearly so intense. I also feel so guilty with the constant 'no, no NO' s! And my lack of patience currently. I just have to keep reminding myself that her behaviour is perfectly and beautifully age appropriate. In my experience, it gets so much better as they get closer to 4 years old. So hang in there!

If you're trying to talk to another adult and he's chattering away, what do you do? Honestly you need to learn to tune him out but with half an ear left open just in case

What do you mean about it being a physical meltdown when he grabs stuff?

What's wrong with him not playing ball?

@OhToBeASeahorse yep, been there and still am. Mine is a bit older than yours though and has started preschool now ( will go every morning from September) and I now notice a difference when he comes back, a bit more mellow. He's not competing for attention from his brother as much (18 months).

Mine wanted to help with everything too which inevitably created more mess, some done accidently and some on purpose. It's really hard work. It's not as intense now so I'm sure your DS will calm down soon. Could he attend a preschool from 3 when you will get your funded hours? Sending you support. No answers at all but hope you are ok.

I've got one like this and the crying when something is even not slightly ok is driving me insane. He's also developed a habit of standing behind me but doing it silently so I don't know he's there and I keep tripping over him. I can't wait for preschool!

Mine was similar to that. He's now 6 and has calmed down a lot.

Still talks ALL the time though and gets easily distracted but I have to remind myself he's still very young. He's basically like a very enthusiastic, bouncy dog

Would nursery instead of or as well as the child minder be an option? It might suit him to be in a busier, more active environment with lots of other children around. Sounds like he has lots of energy to use up and needs to be outdoors a lot.

Sounds like my toddler. I turn the dryer on, he's turns it off, I turn it on, he turns it off. You get the idea. All day long.

@N4ish

Would nursery instead of or as well as the child minder be an option? It might suit him to be in a busier, more active environment with lots of other children around. Sounds like he has lots of energy to use up and needs to be outdoors a lot.

I agree. It might wear him out more and keep him busy.

Mine is like this! She will be 3 at the end of August.

I really recommend How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen. Its given us a few tools that actually work to get through the day reasonably cheerfully.

Oh, and being outside for a large chunk of the day. I just go somewhere she can run and set her free. Like a dog

Yep sounds about right. They calm down when they start school. Keep going 💐

I have parented two similar children and while I will admit to being a broken person it is getting easier. We had the eldest assessed and he was not diagnosed with anything. Said to be NT. I have my doubts, I think he is potentially on the spectrum somewhere, but not enough to warrant extra help.

@ReggaetonLente

Mine is like this! She will be 3 at the end of August.

I really recommend How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen. Its given us a few tools that actually work to get through the day reasonably cheerfully.

Can you give the examples of things that have helped you?

Ah yes I have a chatterbox shadow, she’s five now but she’s been like this since she could be like this

Recently I’ve been telling her very clearly when she’s being too much. She’s never really picked up the unspoken social rules independently but is more receptive to very clear instructions i.e you have to listen to people and let them talk otherwise they won’t listen to you and I’m concentrating so I need you to be quiet. Easier at five but worth a bash at three if you think they’ll get it. I’m finding that I’m having to explain a lot more than I thought I’d have to but if it works then it works.

I was always very reluctant to (nicely) tell her I’d had enough but looking back actually I should of done her a favour and made it a clear instruction earlier. It’s not a bad thing to say ‘right, it’s quiet time now what do you want to do? Read a book? Play with your trains?’. I was very hot on not interpreting though and waiting your turn because I just can’t cope with being talked at from different directions.

justanotherneighinparadise

So she's really defiant. Saying something like 'come on, time to do your teeth!' is like a red rag to a bull, it just triggers the 'NO!' part of her brain to assert her independence. So now i just say 'Ooh! TEETH!' and 9 times out of 10 she'll do it.

Or using our imaginations - say if i want to put her in the stroller and she refuses to put her arms in the straps. I'll say something like 'wow, I'm so glad you're not a spider. If you were i would have 8 arms ro strap in! Or an octopus! Can you imagine?!' etc and in this chat the stand off is usually forgotten and she will cheerfully join in and comply.

I also made her a schedule, dividing the day into 2 hour chunks and printing off pictures that show all her favourite activities and places to go, and every night i update it with what we are doing the next day. Every 2 hour chunk usually has 2 activities, say puzzles and colouring. Those are the 2 things that are on offer to do with me. She doesn't have to do them, but nothing else will be got out and strewn all over the floor to be forgotten about in 5 minutes. It really helps us both to have a structure to the day and focus her mind a bit. And it helps that its not ME telling her to do play doh or that we can't have TV til 4pm - its the schedule!

Does that help?

Sounds normal. I have 2 of these. They mellow put by Y1 of school.
Lots of time hiking outdoors where they can wear themselves out.
Helping with cooking I would give mine some pots and pans to pretend play on the kitchen floor.
It is exhausting but it really does pass very quickly. Mine are both at school now and I do miss them. except when they come jome in a bad mood demanding things

@ReggaetonLente

justanotherneighinparadise

So she's really defiant. Saying something like 'come on, time to do your teeth!' is like a red rag to a bull, it just triggers the 'NO!' part of her brain to assert her independence. So now i just say 'Ooh! TEETH!' and 9 times out of 10 she'll do it.

Or using our imaginations - say if i want to put her in the stroller and she refuses to put her arms in the straps. I'll say something like 'wow, I'm so glad you're not a spider. If you were i would have 8 arms ro strap in! Or an octopus! Can you imagine?!' etc and in this chat the stand off is usually forgotten and she will cheerfully join in and comply.

I also made her a schedule, dividing the day into 2 hour chunks and printing off pictures that show all her favourite activities and places to go, and every night i update it with what we are doing the next day. Every 2 hour chunk usually has 2 activities, say puzzles and colouring. Those are the 2 things that are on offer to do with me. She doesn't have to do them, but nothing else will be got out and strewn all over the floor to be forgotten about in 5 minutes. It really helps us both to have a structure to the day and focus her mind a bit. And it helps that its not ME telling her to do play doh or that we can't have TV til 4pm - its the schedule!

Does that help?

That does help! Thank you xx

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately I've tried pretend cooking and he isn't interested...

The CM is a CM cum nursery so there are around 6 of his age but he starts a proper preschool in September.

We came home from our 'holiday' today and it was due to rain so we booked a Sealife centre. He tried to run away and had a meltdown at having his temp taken. He was interested in the animals but went through v v quickly. Then we left and he wouldnt leave a puddle.

DH took him into a Starbucks (we thought he would like it given his hot drink obsession). He came out saying 'why can we not do ANYTHING with him'.

Then dinner he just pissed around.