Dd, 15, has had a lot of issues with school that started after the first lockdown and got worse over the second lockdown. She had friendship issues - best friends one minute, spectacular falling out the next and complained about other students being nasty to her. A lot of the issues were exacerbated by dd being reactive and she seems to struggle to maintain friendships.
Her behaviour at school was always good, though she’s not particularly academic- but at home she became more challenging. She started self harming, superficial scratches on her arms and was saying she wanted to die. I took her to the GP who suggested we go private for help or contact a local charity for support as CAMHS were so stretched. We got some limited support from the school counsellor and then the charity.
Then at the start of this year, her sleep pattern became more erratic. She was up at night and struggling at school. I told her she would have to give me her phone at night and she became so distressed and angry at this, she started screaming and then took around 10 paracetamol, which she had found in the house.
We took her to A and E and she was seen by the duty CAMHS team who then referred her for assessment. She was taken on by CAMHS, who saw her very quickly and offered DBT to help with emotional regulation. Her therapist suggested she could be autistic and she has seen been put on the autism and ADHD pathway, but who knows how long that process will take.
Meanwhile she became more and more anxious about going to school. We asked school for support and they created a timetable that allowed her to access a quiet space and she was able to drop some GCSE subjects. Friendship issues rumbled on and there were some issues with an intimidating girl who was dealt with by school.
She would frequently text from school saying ‘I hate everyone’ and ‘I want to die,’ but she was attending regularly. Then one day she refused to go and her dad (who doesn’t live with us) told her over the phone that she must go in. He was quite strict with her and said she would lose her PlayStation/phone etc. She went off as if to go to school, but rode her bike around the park instead and then came home and took some paracetamol that she had managed to hide in a drawer.
We had another A and E visit and the duty CAMHS team did not think she was actively suicidal, but rather that she wanted to avoid school.
I got signed off work for a week, got school to agree to a flexible timetable and got her to go in for half days, with me dropping her off and picking her up.
However I’m back at work now and while she has been going in for some half days, at other times she has point blank refused. Sometimes she won’t even get out of bed till 11. Stepdad is home with her, working - but he can’t put too much pressure on her and given that she threatens to harm herself, I’m reluctant to do so either.
She went in for a half day yesterday and then scratched all her arm when she got home. She said it’s my fault she does that, if I make her go to school. I don’t make her go, but I do try to persuade her.
She went for a half day today and had to do a science exam. She ripped the exam paper up and then asked us if she could come home, so she ended up coming home early. I didn’t want to leave her in school because I don’t want her being put off going again.
We are still seeing CAMHS and we’ve enlisted a private psychiatrist who also thinks she’s autistic- though no official diagnosis as yet.
I don’t know what to do and I’m desperate. Feel like a terrible parent and I don’t know how to support her.