She only has us...

[itscomplicatedlife]

I'll try to keep this short, me and my husband worked so hard for years to get to the stage where we could set up home to start our own family, this took years and I had our LG when I was 34 she is now 2. We always planned on having 2 but I had a terrible birth, still struggle with broken coccyx and she was a terrible sleeper and due to this I've got possible chronic fatigue, she is very high energy. I couldn't consider another at all atm and not sure this may change but I'm also almost 37 now. The other issue is my mum died 2 months after she was born, my step dad and step sister have hardly stayed in touch, step sister has never even seen her! My husbands family haven't bothered with us or her either which breaks my heart but the issue is I feel like she only has us and the trauma of the birth and the hell we went through with her terrible sleep we just cannot envisage changing our minds to give her a sibling which breaks my heart for her! How do I process this and learn to live with this, I didn't ever envisage the family we had falllng away as they have it's been unbelievable! I just feel so worried for her if something ever happens to either one of us as she only has us.

I think there are lots of people in the same situation including myself.

My children only have us. Their grandfathers died a few years ago. Their grandmothers are in their 80s. We are both late forties and we have no other family on either side. Home schooling really brought that home to me when other children were excitedly talking about their extended families and I realised mine couldn’t do that 😔

I’m not sure what the answer is. I suspect you raise them to hopefully have lots of friends and with that will come a sense of family in their teens. You raise them to be independent and resilient and then hopefully when they’re adults ther build their own family and won’t look back with sadness about a life they never had.

@justanotherneighinparadise

Thank you for your reply 💗 I had no grandparents myself as a child but now I think back It never really bothered me too much I think as I had so many friends as a child and also had a sibling albeit we hated eachother but My mum didn't work and so when I got to 8-9 half terms I got out and made friends and went from there I don't have any feelings of worry about that but I do for her and I think it's this issue surrounding me just not being in a place at all to consider another, it's really hard. Dr suspects I could have got covid from the care home I worked at 6 months after she was born I was so ill on back of exhaustion from no sleep and it's just gone on from there and I work full time too but I just desperately want her to not feel alone when she's older, it's just an issue on my mind so much atm, my hormones are giving me so many migraines also I just feel it's impossible to even consider another atm plus being 37 almost I do worry about being older although it's not regarded as older as such I just don't want to put her at risk of me getting ill or losing me. Think I know I'm one and done but it's just hard to accept x x x

If it helps I had my last child at 40. So you have more time to have a sibling than you maybe think you do xx

Sorry about the loss of your Mum, that must have been so hard to deal with just after giving birth. You have been through an awful lot in the last few years.

You are only 37, you have time to decide if you do wish to try for another or not. You will know in your heart what you want to do. Plenty of only children have full lives, you don't need a sibling to be happy. Your daughter will grow and make friends and have relationships and possibly her own family one day. In the short term she will make friends in nursery and school and you may even have pets! You are enough fur your daughter and don't doubt that. Good luck.

@justanotherneighinparadise Awww thank you you're right there is still time, my hormones have just been horrendous since I had her 2 year ago I'm going back on the depo next wk as my cycles are killing me and the heart race has been awful as it wears me out, I take beta blockers but I shouldn't surely feel like this at 37. I want her to be as sociable as possible within what she wants for sure and we aim to get out and live life to the max as much as we all can so she has happy times fo look back on, I can't wait until she's older and we can watch the endless list of amazing films there are, something I did a lot with my mother and enjoy thinking bk to so often, miss her so much too x x

@Chocolatetrifle Thank you So much! I feel so low about it atm, life can sure be so complicated at times! Thank you for your reply it means a lot to read these replies 💗💗💗 x x x

My best friend is in this position. She is a single parent with no contact with child's father. She doesn't have contact with her own father, so they just have her mum. Her child is loved, well adjusted and incredibly sociable.

@Overdueanamechange Awww bless your friend, this is so reassuring to read! Im lucky she is so outgoing, I am so thankful for that as she loves people and no doubt will wish to have lots of friend. Thank you so much for the reply 🙏💗💗 x x

I was certain when my DD was 2 she would be my only child. She was high energy and a crap sleeper for a long time. She grew out of it and my feelings about her being an only child changed. She requested a sibling (by that I mean nagged me periodically) and DH and I became open to it. We had DS when DD was almost five. You have time, if it's what you want. You're tired, stressed and grieving. Give yourself that time.

@Measureformeasure Thank you, it's so good to read about someone who sounds similar to myself as i feel so alone in this. She's just come out in spots all over just had to race to boots too get everything as it's def the pox 🤦‍♀️ I am very tired, def very very stressed and I do still miss my mum so much, I hope at some point this will all improve and so much that I may change my mind in time x x x

Hope your DD feels better soon. Take your time, it's possible you are just beginning to grieve for your Mum as it's all consuming looking after a baby then a toddler.

You may feel completely different in a year or so. I gave birth at 37 and 39 after years of infertility so you still have lots of time.
Would you consider bereavement counselling? It may help you begin to put together your thoughts.
Sending you support, you are not alone on here, someone is always here to listen. Take care now x

Similar here.. my partner has CFS, and that coupled with a baby who just never seems to sleep has confirmed that we'll definitely be sticking with one. She has a cousin 13 years her senior but that's pretty much it.

I'm sad, but also extremely grateful to have her so I try to remember that. Also, quite a few of our friends have only children so I don't think she'll be very unusual amongst her peers.

@Chocolatetrifle

Yes I think I am starting to properly grieve mum as I just didn't have chance as I was rushed off my feet until just recently. Atm DD is being bombarded with virus after virus I've had take time off work for her which has been stressful also as caused a massive backlog but also made me realise I was needed at work which gave me a boost on my return. It's just a lot to get your head around sometimes but thank you so much for your kind words it means the world to me to read them! You lot are abs brill! X x x

@MyPanda

Awww that just be difficult too with your partner having CFS I totally understand how hard your days also must be, the tiredness doesn't help. I believe CFS does improve but takes time, not so easy when it's all go with a little one also I know that feeling and the lack of sleep. This one only just started sleeping better last couple of months she's 2 but I never thought I'd see the day as it was very bad. But things do improve it just feels like your in this hole and takes forever for things to improve when you feel like this but nothing stays the same and time does change things and usually if it's bad it does get better eventually. Just have to keep up our social engagements when we can as much as possible when the opps arise. Thank you so much for your reply! X x x x