Nursery choice dilemma

[IDontLikeMondays88]

My daughter is one and due to start nursery in the next month.

She is due to start a nursery which is maybe 10 mins in the car or a 20/25 minute walk from us 3 days a week. The nursery is highly regarded, operates 8am till 6pm. My husband doesn’t drive so the walking distance is relevant.

Separately we have just been offered a place at a local authority run early years centre 2.5 days a week. Also well regarded. We need 3 days childcare so this would involve my parents having her a half day a week. In addition their hours are 8am - 4pm for some reason so my inlaws would need to pick her up at 4pm 2 days a week. My parents and inlaws have agreed to help but are all in their 70’s. My parents live an hour away so in the winter might need to stay over after looking after her as they don’t like driving in the dark. On the plus side the early years centre is literally right behind our house so a few minutes walk away. It is attached to the primary school she will eventually go to and is half the price of the private nursery (although we can afford the private nursery fine). Also the early years centre place won’t start till September and I’m back at work in July. So she would need to go to the private nursery for at least a couple of months.

I can quite decide what to do. I think the early years centre would be ideal location wise but the odd hours being offered kind of make it seem like a hassle. It involves relying on grandparents who are in their 70’s. Once she gets to 3 they say they will be able to offer 3 whole days although they may still close at 4pm which seems quite awkward. My job is such that I will be lucky to get away from the office at 5pm sharp never mind 4pm.

Any thoughts, I’m going round in circles.

We were thinking about trying again for a sibling quite soon so although we can afford the private nursery fees I guess the fact that the early years centre is a lot cheaper would make it a lot easier having two children in nursery (but conversely is it fair to ask my parents/inlaws to help look after two wee ones when they are on their 70’s)

Well done for reading this long ramble!

To what extent do you trust your parents / in laws to look after your DD - there are posts on here with concerns about food / outdated child rearing techniques etc. If you have any concerns about that, focus on paid childcare rather than your in-laws, even for that half day.

Also, are there any other options? If the hours for the local authority place aren't great, and the other nursery is too far away (50 min walk, there and back, is fine in the summer but not in Feb and not if you're dashing because DC is ill and you've been phoned). See if there are local childminders or other local nurseries, and maybe do a mix of the LEA place (2 days) and a CM (1 day) or LEA place in the mornings and CM in the afternoons, to better meet your needs.

Having said that, CM places round here are like hen's teeth, so you might find they're limited until September too.

I would use the private nursery.
She's only one. Will need childcare until four.
If both GP's are in their 70's that's a big commitment. What would you do if they were on holidays/sick/tired?

I also wouldn't want to settle her into the private nursery then move her after a couple of months.

Is changing yours or your husbands working pattern an option?

Private nursery. There are too many inconveniences for the early years centre to be a viable option.

If affordability is no issue then private nursery all the way.

Don’t worry about the other one being attached to the school she’ll eventually go to, makes no difference when applying and chances are she’ll have other kids from the private nursery also go to her school (if you were worried about her having friends).

Take the private nursery place and let your parent take her out of nursery for odd afternoons/evenings if they want to.
The logistics against the early years centre work against you, plus you'll be stuck every time your parents/in-laws want to go away or make a plan that clashes with their childminding time.
Re-evaluate when she gets to 3 and can have full days.
20 minute walk is plenty close enough for it not to be an issue.

I'd go for the private one. We discounted our local school nursery for our now 3yo because it finishes at 3.30 and it's just not as convenient as a nursery that closes at 5.45pm

I'd go for the private one. The other one may be more convenient for you, but it's less convenient for the grandparents and you're going to have to rely on them more if you go for that one. Personally, I'd deal with the inconvenience myself rather than putting that on the grandparents. There will be other times when you need extra help from the grandparents, when children are sick or you have to do extra hours at work, so keep that in mind too.

I'd go for the private nursery op, or - ideally - see if there are any recommended local childminders nearby who might be able to offer wraparound care for the local authority nursery?

I certainly wouldn't want to be relying on 70+ gps that much, it's quite a lot to ask - esp as your parents live an hour away. Do they have experience looking after your DD on a regular basis?

If you're seriously considering the local authority-run one, have you checked that it is open all year round and isn't term-time only (every nursery attached to a school that I know of shuts in the holidays which is a nightmare if you work full time).

Agree with pp, is there anyway your husband can flex his hours to do at least some of the drop offs / pick ups?

Apologies, lots of questions there but you have my sympathy. Setting up childcare for returning to work sucks, it really stressed me out.

I don’t think I’d be keen to travel as far as the private nursery if I had another option and given their ages and distances I wouldn’t be counting on GPs for regular childcare. Is there an option to combine the local one with a childminder?

I think you should decide based on which nursery would be better for your child, rather than location / hours etc. My DS goes to one which is a longer distance but by miles the better option for him. We do have another one literally just minutes walk from us and whilst it would be very convenient, it just wouldn't be the right choice and wouldn't offer him the same opportunities.

@LakeShoreD

I don’t think I’d be keen to travel as far as the private nursery if I had another option and given their ages and distances I wouldn’t be counting on GPs for regular childcare. Is there an option to combine the local one with a childminder?

Far? If it's 20-25 minutes walk it's probably just over a mile. Hardly a long way!

I would also go for the private nursery.

I don’t mean 20-25 minutes is too far to walk in general (not that lazy, I promise ), although if you’ve got a 3/4 year old not in a buggy then it will realistically take longer still, just that I wouldn’t personally choose a long walk when there’s another option literally behind the house! When it’s raining and dark in winter and you’ve got a tired toddler to get home it is a bit miserable. We’re a 10 minute adult walk, 15 minute toddler pace from nursery and I wouldn’t want to double that. Thinking about which nursery is the best fit for the child is always important though as is the ease of having just one setting versus also needing a childminder for wrap around care so I see pros and cons of both. Just for me personally, ease of commute is probably my top consideration as I work full time and live in London so will always be walking it. I appreciate that others have different priorities though!

Well this is why I was keen for her to go to the early years centre as it is right next to us. However it is seeming like a ballache.

I think both nurseries would be fine for her as far as I can tell - both are good.

I don’t hold much hope of finding a childminder to do wraparound - just seems like awkward hours for someone to take on..

Re flexing hours, both my husband and I are dropping to 4 days already and the problem is the early years place didn’t make clear their hours are so limited until recently so it would mean approaching our employers at the last minute to try and flex our hours further. I’m due back at work in like 3 weeks really. I feel it doesn’t portray well. At the moment I don’t really want to drop another day.

The early years centre are open 50 weeks a year so that is not a concern.

No concerns about either my parents or inlaws parenting skills. Other than they are in their 70’s 🤷🏼‍♀️

Pretty unanimous that we should go for the private nursery though, which is probably my gut feeling too. I just so wanted to make the early years centre work 😩

If you have dropped to 4 days, would your employer not let you do them over 5 days so ou could finish early enough to collect? It might work better for your employer too, eg more holiday cover, you would be in every day so meetings easier to arrange etc. Worth asking, even if in a testing the waters type way to see their reaction?

If the nursery is cheaper can you not put her in for five days a week and both work 5 days with one doing drop offs and one doing pick ups
Then no need for your elderly parents to do any childcare

I am not sure I am understanding the suggestion totally but that would mean we need childcare for 4 days a week and the local authority place can only offer 2.5 days. They say they can’t offer more than that for reasons I don t really understand.

Thanks for the suggestions though, it’s good to brainstorm!

Deffo private. Having that flexibility for pickups is essential in my experience. Bear in mind if your family ever get ill, what would you do? If lockdown ever happened again & they couldn’t travel? If they go on holiday, bad weather as you suggest etc etc. My parents help us out but I don’t rely on it always being there!

Not sure putting in one setting then moving 2 months later is a good idea.

It took 3-4 weeks for our DC to settle in, then at 2 months he was loving life. I’d hate to start at ground zero again at that point.

I would definitely go for the private one. You’re paying for convenience and flexibility and not having to rely on a mush mash of people to help you get all the hours you need. I’d expect LA one is term time only so you’d need cover for all the holidays including 6 weeks at summer too probably. That’s hard enough when they are school age so I’d make the most of full day childcare while you have it available.

I would also go for the private one. I'm sure the other one is lovely but it really doesn't meet what you need.

Regarding the parents thing, over the course of the last year my 70+ dad, who has always been ludicrously active (and who in the back of my mind I always thought I could get to come and stay occasionally to help out with my son if needed) caught covid. And it did a right number on him; he had it at Christmas and still can't walk without dizziness/risking falling; his fitness has dropped dramatically and he gets tired much more easily. If I leave him in one room with the baby and go, like, bake a cake or whatever, within 45 minutes he's knackered. Obviously my point here is not that your parents/in laws might catch covid specifically, so much as that it's surprising how quickly someone's age can catch up with them, even if it hasn't already. So I'd be cautious about any plan that involved them a lot, especially one that would require quite a bit of traveling for them.

I'd go for the close one and it's cheaper. I honestly would try and find a childminder for the school holidays who will then do your wrap around in September. Use the childcare app, much better if your husband or even the Grandparents can collect her from just next door when needed.

Childminders have different children each day and lots have after school mindees.

I expect the Local Authority nursery is term time only. It's run alongside the school - that's why their day ends at 4pm andyourchild can'tstart until the new school year in September. Have you taken school holidays into account? If you need childcare you would need alternative provision during the school holidays.

School nurseries are generally very good and focus on fun learning however it would seem like the private nursery better suits your needs.

You are after child care rather than a preschool.