why does my mum keep going on about my lovely 5 month old dd saying shes gonna go off the rails when she a teenager

[robinredbreast]

had a bad relationship with my mum all my life but it was worse when i was in my teens and when a became pregnant she "started again"

i wasnt an angel but i really wasnt that bad either when i was a teenager
wasnt really helped by the fact
that mum used to tell me she hated me
and that iwas clean on the outside and dirty on the inside !
[after reading my secreat diary and finding i had a bf]
ignoring me for days
and being a bitch to me

now i am happily married and have a beautiful dd who is 5 months old and is very bright happy sleeps 12-13 hours a night she cant stand it
and seems to be willing me to fall

and keeps saying shes gonna give you hell when shes older, and just wait till shes a stroppy 14 year old

i want to say well you caused 80% of my problems when i was a teenager so hopefully me and dd will have abetter realationship

how can i get her to cut these comments out

I am so sorry you have had such a difficult relationship with your mother. You are not alone though.

Re the unhelpful comments: tell her they are unhelpful and distressing and if she has not got something nice to say, to keep quiet.

I would also be very interested to hear about your mother's relationship with her own mother.

Do you get on better with your mil?

I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're experiencing this, it must be horrible.

I think you need to stay calm and just tell her that her comments are upsetting you. If she can't be pleased for you then, as Elastic says, she should keep quiet. Could your DP have a word with her for you, or do you have an aunt or other relative you could confide in, who might be able to tactfully ask her to stop?

The important thing to remember is that your mum has no idea how your daughter will be as a teenager, nobody does, so don't let yourself get miserable about it.

I would be (fairly) straight with her: "mum, it really upsets me when you say things like that. If you can't say anything nice about my lovely daughter, please can you keep your opinions to yourself." She will probably huff and puff and say you were like that etc, but just repeat that she is upsetting you (broken record technique!) and that you would like to change the subject.

I think its fairly commonplace for the world and his dog to tell you how hard life with a teenage girl will be and to be honest I dont disbelieve them having been on myself!!

My mum says stuff like this to me all the time in an affectionate manner which doesnt really bother me but if its really with malice then I would just tell her to mind her own tbh

My mother does this too, we had a poor relationship, which ended in me moving out at 17. It has slowly improved and is a lot better now. BUT... she still does the old 'Wait till dd is older, if she's anything like you....yadda yadda.
My feelings on it are this, if she is going to behave like a toddler (my mother, I mean) then I treat her like one and ignore her comments accordingly. I have developed a suprising form of selective deafness, whereby I switch off at those moments when she chooses to pick apart my mothering style, my hairstyle, my lack of style etc.
You could try it, if she's anything like my mum telling her that you'd prefer her not to carry on won't stop her. So ignore, ignore, ignore.

you could just ignore her and say something like 'oh well, I know, so let's all enjoy it whilst she's little...'

thanks for all your comments

if it was said affectionatly in a joking way i really wouldnt mind
but its said in a snippey putting down kinda way
and she seems desperate fot me to fail,how sad is that

we cannot really talk about the past as she always denines whats happened and pretends that certain things didnt happen
she cannot face the truth

i was thinking of saying something along the lines of, now mum you know the past is something we can never talk about so stop bringing it up

this may embaress her, as she ALWAYS says these put downs in front of others and i feel if i say anything it would be like was making a big deal

ive ignored it three times now and its pissing me off more and more each time

am i crazy to think that teenage girls can have a good relationship with their mums?

I've got a relationship with my mother, exactly like yours! I was begining to think, it was only me! If you think you can speak to her then do, I haven't been able to speak to mine and my dd is 12 now.

I would say though, that because my teenage years were so bad with her, I vowed I would never let the same thing happen to the relationship I have with my dd. Its not perfect, but lets face it what teenager is! We have a wonderful relationship and you will too. Enjoy your baby girl, and be assured that she will grow up to be a lovely young lady too, with you to guide her.

thanks i feel just the same i want us to have a great mother/daughter friendship im gonna try soooo hard

when we where at my cousins house to bid farewell to her baby daugher my 2nd cousin,she had a brain tumor and died at 19 months old ,god rest her soul,we went to say goodbye the day before she died. when i was about 34 weeks pg
mum started going on and on about what a terror i was
thats how much of a bitch she can be

yes right in front of my cousin whose baby girl was dying right in front of our eyes, fucking going on about what a nightmare girls are
that must of made things even worse for her

does this give you some idea about what shes like?

I can see why you're so angry with her. Did you subsequently point out to your mother how tactless her remarks were?

ive tried to point out her lack of tact but she thinks shes never wrong and always right

actually in front of my other cousin, the sister of the cousin whoses sweet baby girl passed away

when i was living with my dh then bf and me and my cousins where talking about what childrens names we liked she butts in and goes you'd better wait till your married 1st young lady in her horrible booming voice
and yes the cousin i was chatting to had her 2 children before marraige, its so cringing you just want the world to swollow you up
on the way home from this chat i can it was very awkward when you said that thing about marrage before kids she just turns round and goes i know
as if theres nothing wrong in making everyone feel bad

Have you thought of seeing less of her?
And you never said whether you get on with Mil.