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Parenting

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Hate my partner after having a baby

14 replies

Missworry92 · 14/06/2021 21:03

Hi everyone
I've got a baby who will be 7months next week. Since having him I really hate my partner, he hasn't helped with the baby when he was born and I just got so much resentment towards him that I told him I don't love him and I want to break up.
He's one of those people that always sees himself as a victim and I am always the bad guy. I feel like he tries to manipulate me and make me feel guilty for trying to break up.
Last year when I was pregnant in lockdown he told me he was leaving me, packed all his stuff but didn't actually leave ( early lockdown where nobody could go anywhere) I was so mad at him then that when he tried to make up I didn't want to make up but eventually did. After this, up to this date he says that he did that to get my reaction and didn't actually plan on leaving me.
Now that we are in the process of breaking up, he told me that he was going to take the dog to the rescues as he can't find a place where they would let him have a dog. ( I can't keep the dog as he's massive and I can't even take him out for walks especially with a baby). He told me he was taking him to rescues and I cried saying goodbye to the dog and then he came back an hour late saying he couldn't leave him there yet but I felt that he was doing it again to get my reaction more than anything.
Do I sound crazy?
Have any of you gone through hating your partner after having a baby? Did you stay?
I feel like I no longer love him but I have this guilt because of our son.

OP posts:
CookieMonsterMunch · 14/06/2021 21:11

He sounds like he could be abusive if he’s doing stuff just to get a reaction from you. Also if he’s not been helping with the baby then I’d say it’s totally normal to hate him and want to break up after 7 months. What does he say/do if you ask him to help with things? Does he do anything at all to help? Don’t feel guilty because of your DS. You’re trying to provide your DS with a healthy home life and show him what a healthy relationship is and is not. This is really good parenting. Staying in an unhealthy relationship would teach him all the wrong things.

Missworry92 · 14/06/2021 21:52

@CookieMonsterMunch
When he was first born he didn't do anything for about 4months I would say, didn't change his nappy, feed him (I'm expressing) etc he said he really struggled bonding with him because he's a baby and he can't do anything, like he couldn't play with him etc now that the baby is almost 7months he does play with him a bit. He was helping with bathing him and he occasionally takes him out for a walk.
I just hope I'm not being rashional with all these hormones.

OP posts:
CookieMonsterMunch · 14/06/2021 22:41

I don’t think you’re being irrational. It still doesn’t sound like he’s doing much at all. Most mothers would need more help than that. Have you asked him to do more? Did he try to help more when you asked? The thing about trying to get a reaction out of you is very concerning!

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Missworry92 · 14/06/2021 22:52

@CookieMonsterMunch
I have asked for help from him but he said that I'm asking in angry tone and he doesn't want to do something that he's been told to do
If I ask him nicely sometimes he does help but for like one day and that's it, I can't keep asking every single day, I would expect him to just naturally want to help

OP posts:
again2020 · 14/06/2021 23:07

Are you me? Sounds like gaslighting behaviour Flowers

Missworry92 · 14/06/2021 23:17

@again2020 have you been going through something very similar??

OP posts:
User52739 · 15/06/2021 04:17

He sounds awful - it’s absolutely no wonder you don’t love him anymore. I think you’re right to break up.

IdblowJonSnow · 15/06/2021 04:26

God op he sounds useless.

You're right to break up with him and yes he is fucking with you.

Can you get someone to come over while you ask him to leave properly, once and for all?

Don't wait until your baby is old enough that this man can pull this shit with him too.

Get him gone. Basically he wanted you to beg him to stay before. He got that badly wrong didn't he!

Flowers
MoonlightApple · 15/06/2021 08:39

Get him gone. He may have reasons for being how he is but none of them excuse his awful behaviour.

From the sounds of things you’ll have no problem looking after your baby on your own and you might even meet someone who could be a good male role model for your child as they grow up.

Missworry92 · 15/06/2021 09:02

Thank you everyone.
He has some of my money which he is refusing giving back to me because we bought a house a year ago (only in my name and brand new house so needed everything) when we broke up when I was pregnant he asked me to pay him back for things he paid for and I did. This time he has 1,5k from me but he says he won't pay it because of the work he did to the house like putting the flooring, painting etc
I'm giving him engagement ring back and he said he will sell it today and give me the money from that

OP posts:
FijiCavanaugh · 15/06/2021 09:21

What? Sell it yourself!

Missworry92 · 15/06/2021 09:32

@FijiCavanaugh its probably the same thing trying to get my reaction, he probably does not think I'm gonna go through with it

OP posts:
Tempusfudgeit · 15/06/2021 09:50

Let him play his games. You can choose to sit it out. 'Teach me to be quiet, teach me to be still, teach me not to care.' Once he's gone it will be easier, I promise. This is not the relationship you want to model for your son.

CookieMonsterMunch · 21/06/2021 16:17

Definitely sell the ring yourself or you’re not likely to get the money. I think he’s playing mind games with you. I’d leave.

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