Co parenting

[CB18202]

Hi all, me and children’s father are going through separation. LG is almost 3 & LB who’s 4 months. Children’s dad wants them every weekend however I’m so unsure about this for different reasons, my main one is that our LB is only 4 months old and I just don’t feel ready yet and another is the fact he lives an hour and a half away with no traffic! I hate the thought of the children travelling that far every weekend and have such fear and anxiety over them going on the motor way for an hour of that journey this dad can not seem to understand my worries and just says I’m trying to keep him from he’s children although he’s welcome to come see them when he wants too. We argue over the situation and I feel like we’re going around in circles and just wanted some opinions wether people think I need to get over it and let him have them every weekend? Thank you

So sorry you're going through this?

I'd tell him to apply through the Court fir a Child Arrangements Order. The Judge is unlikely to allow him to have a 4 month old fir a weekend, 18 months is usually the recommended age.

I'd also as @MNHQ to move this over to the relationships board as you'll find a lot more MNers with experience of this kind of bullshit situation in there

Forgot to say, talk to Rights of Women today. They are excellent

Every other week end is a normal request. Not for a baby and not every week end.. Do not give in to appease him op.

Do not give in to appease him op. Totally agree with this. The Judge will look at what's going on now, so if you let the DC go to him every weekend, they'll think that you agree to this.

Also, unless you have a Child Arrangement Order in place, he can take them for the weekend and just not bring them back.

Asking for them every weekend is really unfair as well. It will mean that you have to take all your leave to look after them fir any illnesses or school holidays and he gets to do all of the fun things with them.

Thank you for your replies, it’s a very hard situation, right now I can’t see things getting any easier. He doesn’t understand that taking a 4 month away from he’s mum for a weekend is unfair he always says things like I’m the dad and I should be allowed them when I want I tried to explain that when LB is older we can discuss this but I also don’t want him to take LG and seperate the two there’s just no winning. I’m worried to go down the legal route as he many times has said he’ll not stand for that and cause a lot of problems for me and has even said he will make my life hell. I don’t want to keep the children away from him but I also cannot agree to what he is asking and he plays the guilt trip and says he never has a say and I make him feel like he’s not even there dad. I don’t know where to go from here. Has any one been in a similar situation and things got easier and turned out ok?

Ok so he's abusive as well. Please keep all messages/texts/emails etc from him.

If he's threatening you, you can take out a Non-Molestation Order.

Women's Aid can talk you to you about his threats and help you with the legal process.

Please do not be bullied into handing your children over by him when your gut feeling is that this isn't right.

I would say every other weekend is more reasonable. And 1/2 visits during the week, just to spend a few hours or one overnight stay midweek. But I do know some friends who’s DC are with the “other parent” every Saturday, but not the full weekend.
Unless you have reasons for concerns over the welfare of the children, abuse, DV, I doubt a court would order your ex not to have them, even with the distance. As they do like to try maintain a balanced relationship between both parents now. (From experience with my ex maintaining custody of his DC they want fathers to have rights to, and bond with the children. We lived 1.5hrs away). But they will take into account the age of DS, and whether your BF.
I’m sorry to see your in this situation, and it must me so difficult. Could you go for mediation, and try and agree on something? As this would be required / attempted before a court order.